This is a comment by Jon D on the post “Can a ‘Good Guy’ Ever Beat the ‘Bad Boy’?“
“The best advice I could offer the guy in this scenario is to repeat this refrain in his mind and eventually come to believe it … ‘It’s no big deal if she doesn’t like me. I am a good man and will find someone else.’
“When you believe that statement you will not be shackled by fear of rejection and are more likely to display confidence, which is a positive trait most women are attracted to and respect. Men should let women choose a bad boy if they want and not shame them or resent that decision, just like women should not resent men for choosing a bimbo. It’s not an outright rejection of you or an indictment of your qualities as a mate. Its just 1 person deciding what they’re interested in at a particular moment in their life.
“It may be a mistake, they may regret it, but that’s not for you to determine. Live your own life and don’t fear the decisions that other people make which are entirely out of your control.”
Photo credit: Flickr / flawedartist
i don’t know how one develops confidence. Seems like you have it or you don’t. If you don’t, pretending to have it comes off as fake and desperate.
I think it’s found thru self-affirmation, slow practice, and lots and lots of NOT looking for it.
Love the T-shirt…
Let’s talk confidence – something I work on myself (not as hard as I should, but there’s still time…) It’s got two parts, I think: self-confidence and social confidence. You really need both for either to work for you.
You can like yourself fine when you’re by yourself, but if the feeling fades in others’ company, it’s time to look honestly at how you see others and your world. What assumptions do you bring? Where did you get them? Are old head-tapes playing when you hit that party, bar, date, that you’re so used to you hardly hear them anymore?
Spot on – especially the part about not complaining about the preferences and attractions of others.