These are comments by Alan Jensen-Sellers and g on the post “Six Things Couples Can Do to Make Room for the Emotional Man“.
Alan Jensen-Sellers said:
“Far too often men are told the correct way to be emotive.”
“This my experience. Or more to the point to be told I’m doing it wrong. This makes any emotional discussion into a minefield even more than the subject being discussed. Sometimes it’s hard to really just get it out, when you’re analyzing every word before you say it, trying to find the right combination that you won’t be judged for. Then you’ll be shit on for not being expressive enough. Lose-lose.”
“I’ve found that in my relationships, the total amount of time spent talking about her problems dwarfed the time spent talking about my problems. I don’t really have the need to talk a lot about my problems, but they are there and they need to be recognized. When I finally would speak up about them, it was as if they weren’t a big deal because she has so many other problems and would often express herself in more sterotypical, powerful emotional ways. What I mean, is that my girlfriends or ex-wife would sometimes cry or get really emphatic about something they were feeling. I don’t do that.
“I can calmly talk about something that has been ripping me apart. Since I wasn’t crying or really emphatic about it, I felt like my emotions were minimized. I actually would sometimes ‘overact’ in order for my emotions/concerns to be recognized as important. It worked, but I felt manipulative and bad about it.”
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