The decision to file for divorce is an important decision that many couples face every day. It takes careful deliberation and a good test of your soul to finally opt for a divorce. A divorce is not something that you decide to pull out from in the middle of things due to a sudden change of heart. Going through a divorce is both physically and emotionally exhausting, but again and again, divorces have continued to increase in magnitude over the years. Who initiates divorces more: men or women? If a woman wants to leave or get divorced, it is very likely that problems in the home have been rotting, getting worse and growing in magnitude for a reasonably long time. Most women are, by nature, very loyal and will let problems build up and get rather bad before they finally take action. This is very unfortunate because when the wife is truly fed up and goes out the door, there is usually enough damage done already.
What do the statistics say?
So, what exactly do the statistics say about who initiates divorce more? According to a study conducted by wf-lawyers.com, about 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Of those divorces, about 80% are initiated by women. That 50% figure is often cited and is likely to be on the high side, but it is illuminating that 80% of divorces are filed by the wife. These statistics suggest that more women are dissatisfied with their marriages, at least to the point of ending them than men, who may feel the need to continue on with the family union. While some marriages end for very objective reasons, such as physical abuse or addictions, there are undoubtedly many reasons for dissatisfaction that exist. However, the husband and his actions, or lack thereof, play an essential role in causing and maintaining dissatisfaction.
Several other studies have also concluded that there is a high percentage of divorces initiated by the wife in marriages. An investigation completed by Dr. Kira Birditt from the Institute of Social Research at the University of Michigan followed 355 different couples over 16 years, monitoring marital tensions between each pair. Her results, which were published in the Journal of Developmental Psychology, showed that while a husband’s anxiety can multiply, what eventually tends to result in divorce is tension experienced by the wife. With this, she came to the conclusion that women initiate divorce almost twice as much as men.
The American Sociological Association conducted another study, which found that women initiate two-thirds of all divorces. This is a staggering 69%. They found an even higher rate, around 90%, for divorces initiated by women with a college education. So, what exactly are the reasons for these high divorce statistics among women?
Why do women initiate divorce more than men?
Here are nine of the most common reasons why women initiate divorce more than men:
1. Indifference or cluelessness of the husband to their feelings
Women seek closeness and vulnerability in a marriage where, under the veil of intimacy, it is safe to be real and raw with their chosen one, or soul mate. When they get close to that feeling of connection, and the husband gives the “wrong” answer, a brick wall springs up. Then, one day, the wall gets too high for the husband to penetrate it. In its purest form, women want connection but do not know what they want, so men need to read their minds. This is where communication breaches occur often. Women do not say what they want, and men do not “understand” it. So the wall rises.
2. Small gestures and reassurances are missing
The little things that show love and appreciation make a big difference and are the glue that binds a marriage. Unfortunately, the truth is that if you do not give these things to your wife, she will eventually surrender and look elsewhere. She may feel frustrated and abandon the marriage, rely on her friends rather than her spouse, or be vulnerable to some other man who has mastered the art of being a “good listener”, friendly, safe and reassuring. Everyone knows a guy who is not particularly attractive or wealthy, but many women are attracted to him. Why? Because he has mastered the art of showing women respect, appreciation and a sympathetic shoulder for support. When women are getting this from someone else more than from the man with whom they swore the oath of “to death do us part”, the woman gets choked up and seeks a way out.
3. Money problems
It is an unfortunate testament to the modern world that money is usually the number one reason for divorce across the globe. Women want security in their marriages. That includes financial security. It’s not always a question of men not earning enough money, but how specifically connected they are to how spouses spend and/or save money.
4. Needs not being met at home
When women resort to cheating on their husbands or make a move to seek a divorce, one of the reasons they cite is that their needs are not being met at home. This is a bit unfair to the husband because women often do not tell you what they need and present a clear path for you to help. Women, in general, tend to be more intuitive than men, so it is different for them. She believes that one way or another, you just have to know what her needs are, and she gets upset if and when you do not satisfy them. If you don’t see what her needs are, ask her! When the man does not ask, pretend to care or find out, the woman is not encouraged to continue with this somewhat “dead” marriage.
5. Husbands who cheat on their wives
Oddly enough, a man who is cheating on his wife does not always want to end his marriage. However, if a husband discovers that his wife is cheating, this is a different story. However, some men do not view cheating as the same level of betrayal as the average woman views it. According to Divorce Filler, not all marriages where the husband cheats end in divorce. On the other hand, it is challenging for women to overcome adultery, even if they initially try to resolve things after they learn about it. Thoughts about him being with another woman could continue to plague their mind and color every action around the house. It is only a matter of time before she takes the escape route.
6. Marriage not living up to expectations
When you met your wife, you probably worked hard to win her love. But for many men, once she is your wife, you often stop trying to please her all the time. She has come to expect those things from you and, now that she is married, the husband stops doing all the things he once did. It really is the same amount of disappointment that the husband feels when the wife stops telling him that he is a great guy all the time. Reality often diverges from our idealized expectations of what married life will be like. Therefore, when these expectations are not met, and she begins to see her marriage as a farce, the woman realizes that there is no point in remaining married.
7. Substance abuse
Believe it or not, the consumption of alcohol and drugs is a key cause of divorce in many marriages. Research has suggested that up to 45% of couples decide to separate due to problems of substance dependence. Abuse of alcohol and drugs in marriages can lead to a series of different issues, along with economic and emotional difficulties. Substance abuse can also lead to heated discussions and, in some cases, physical violence.
8. Lack of romance
Romance is a construction that some men may find difficult to understand. At its center, we are talking about a certain level of passion within the relationship that goes beyond simple physical closeness. Research shows that women want their husbands to make them feel unique in some way. Men, in turn, have inconsistent strategies for the admiration of their wives. There may have been a lot of romance during the courtship phase: flowers and impassioned sunset dates. However, after marriage and children, some men do not see this as necessary anymore. They go into a steady routine of treating their wife as just another person. At times, a loss of romance can be attributed to a concern for intimacy that does not emerge during the initial levels of a relationship, but bubbles up later when the dust has settled.
9. Physical and emotional abuse
Many women initiate divorce in marriages because they can’t stand the continuous torture of being physically and emotionally abused. These signs may not have been evident while they were still dating, but when the man changes for the worse after marriage, it is only a matter of time before the woman flees. Some women report that after the wedding, their husbands restrict them from having friends, going out to dinner together or casually watching a movie to unwind. Instead, they go out of the way to stay away from their wife and not spend any quality time with them except when it is time to initiate sex. Most times, when a woman complains about feeling neglected, all the husband does is complain that she is being childish or expecting unrealistic things from him. From physically violating the woman during fits of anger to emotional abuse by telling her that she is lucky to be his wife, women file for divorce when they can’t take it anymore.
This content is sponsored by Tommy Murphy.