“Most rules that you think are written in stone are just societal. You can change the game and really reach for the stars and make the world a better place.”–Sebastian Thrun
I was at a gathering over Independence Day which included a group of high school age teens. I learned a new term: “dress-code,” used as a verb.
It seems that certain authorities in some of our local schools are obsessed with how students dress. Not all students, just particular ones. This is one of the things to know about rules in general: the more rules you have, especially if they are minor, silly, or arbitrary, the easier it is to use them against whoever you wish.
So, some students get “dress-coded,” pulled out of class, disciplined, even suspended, while others do not.
The young people I was speaking with were rather privileged and they knew it. That doesn’t mean they don’t see and are not outraged by the arbitrariness of how the rules are applied.
“I’m considered a ‘goody goody,’ so I don’t get dress-coded” one told me. Another agreed. There are certain people who are above the rules, such as honor students and varsity athletes at her school, both groups to which she belongs.
There is one, much bigger, group for which these rules rarely apply. Boys.
You see, schools are obsessed with how girls dress. Clothes that would be considered quite normal out in public, or even in a professional environment, are verboten in some high schools, at least, for some subset of girls.
But the reality is, this only applies to girls, and often arbitrarily.
|
A bra-strap showing, that’s a big no-no. And some teachers seem quite concerned about collarbones. Apparently, collarbones are provocative. Or, shoulders. Michelle Obama, our former first lady, often went sleeveless in public, as does the current first daughter, and Special Assistant to the President, Ivanka Trump. But high school girls who do that will be sent home, at least if they’re not among the favored groups.
Maybe provocative isn’t the right term. The one the schools use is “distraction.” This is likely because, while the Supreme Court has ruled that “Students don’t shed their constitutional rights at the school house gates” they have also stated that schools can impose rules designed to prevent students from doing things that interfere with school operations. Thus, something that potentially distracts other students (or teachers) can be forbidden.
But the reality is, this only applies to girls, and often arbitrarily. It shows how much our society still expects women, and even young girls, to take responsibility for the sexual behavior and lack of impulse control of men.
Rather than teaching young men appropriate behavior, they focus on the female students, assuming that they are responsible if a boy misbehaves. This is what activists have come to call “rape culture,” in which people make any excuse for young men, blaming women for anything from a short skirt to how they walk.
My son presumably could arrive shirtless, in nothing but his swim trunks, but if a female third grader bared her midriff, the distraction would be sufficient to warrant her punishment.
|
We saw this in the recent Bill Cosby rape case in which the jury could not reach a verdict, despite substantial evidence. According to some reports, one of the holdout jurors blamed the victim, suggesting that her bare midriff was a sign of likely consent.
My son is younger, but I’ve seen this trend already at his school. Each year, they take a trip to the city pool and the parental handout we receive includes a big warning: no bikinis. In case we were to miss it, they repeat at the bottom that any student showing up in a bikini would not be allowed at the pool. My son presumably could arrive shirtless, in nothing but his swim trunks, but if a female third grader bared her midriff, the distraction would be sufficient to warrant her punishment.
So, not only are we insisting that girls police their own bodies, we are sexualizing them long before they, or their male classmates, understand the concept.
Double standards are nothing new—when my mother attended school, she wasn’t allowed to wear pants—but now, young women are pushing back, insisting on nothing short of equality. Girls are protesting across the country, and at some schools, the boys are wearing skirts in solidarity.
If you think that sounds ridiculous, consider how silly it is to punish a girl for what a boy might think by taking away the girl’s access to schooling.
—
A version of this piece also appeared in the Porterville Recorder on July 19, 2017
—
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Photo: Getty Images
I have no issues with dress codes, they are necessary to some degree. And uniforms are a good solution. however, even for girls, their uniforms are sexualized by a society that exploits them. much of the dress code debate is predicated on the over-sexualization of young girls and teenagers and making females to blame. I don’t think anyone can deny our society’s general unhealthy attitude toward over-sexualizing the female gender at younger and younger ages. So yes, I do think girls and women receive more pressure here. There are way more fantasies that exist and or normalized about sexualizing “school-girls”… Read more »
I’m a teacher and I’ve never felt that dress codes favor boys over girls. Just as many boys get sent home or sent to the office to change as girls donat my school. The dress code, for us, has less to do with making girls fit into a prescribed norm and more to do with continuity and economics. At a workplace there is often a dress code, even if it’s not written in the handbook. Dressing in a certain way gears your brain up for work. You wear a certain thing, you’re ready for work. And economics play a role.… Read more »
Thanks for sharing your perspective. How much the codes focus on one gender or another and how much enforcement does may well vary by region an school.
The comments here illustrate a difficulty with this sort of discussion. I have been a teacher for five years now, and have seen or heard about a lot of different dress code issues. The thing is, there’s not a single motivator behind all dress codes, and acting like there is will lead to confusion. In my experience, there are five basic categories for justifying details of a dress code: 1. Professional dress. This is where it sucks more to be a man. Female “professional dress” does have more latitude, if only from the “skirt or slacks” standpoint. 2. Sexually distracting… Read more »
Uh-huh…
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-40364632
Dress code restrictions based on “distraction” applies predominantly to girls. I have seen gay boys sent home for violating the dress code in a “distracting” way, but that wasn’t even because they might sexually arouse other students, it was because they were being overt in their sexuality (by dying their hair (!)). I have yet to see or hear about a male student being sent home because their clothing might arouse other students. The Exeter example you cite was about a different dress code violation. Boys do indeed receive citations for breaking rules. There’s a racial component in the United… Read more »
Nevertheless, it’s a dress code violation demonstrating how girls and women have a choice when it comes to formalwear that boys and men do not. The author said – and I quote:
Clearly, it doesn’t. Let’s not go excusing one because the other one exists, please. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Provide a more complete quote: “Thus, something that potentially distracts other students (or teachers) can be forbidden. But the reality is, this only applies to girls, and often arbitrarily.”
“This” refers to bans on “something that potentially distracts other students,” not to dress codes as a whole. The article is about dress code rules based on distraction, not dress codes as a whole.
My son presumably could arrive shirtless, in nothing but his swim trunks, but if a female third grader bared her midriff, the distraction would be sufficient to warrant her punishment. I would like to see someone test this out. Throwing a “presumably” doesn’t relieve the burden of proof. Dress codes ding boys for sagging pants and tank tops all the time. The difference is no one is trying to create a gendered conspiracy of oppression for it. In fact I’m willing boys violating dress codes is dismissed as “preparing them for knowing how to dress in the real world” and… Read more »
It’s astounding, isn’t it? Women can wear almost anything they want in the workplace but men are expected to wear a full suit, even in hot weather – and get reprimanded for not wearing the world’s most useless and pointless piece of clothing ever designed – the tie.
But this men’s issues site is strangely quiet on the latter.
C-Bob, that could be an idea for an article. But, I don’t know how accurate or widespread your assumptions are. In my own experience, business casual has become the norm. One of my female colleagues dressed down just slightly from that and there was talk–her boss mentioned it to her, though she wasn’t specifically reprimanded. I dress at least as casually, probably moreso, and have never had a problem. My guess, and it is mostly a guess, is that while women’s dress options in the workplace may have a bit more variety, they probably get policed more than men do.
Danny, this is the stated policy. It’s stated twice on the same half-sheet of paper in case we don’t get it the first time. Any girl (a third grader) who shows up in a bikini will not be allowed in the pool. I can’t test it because I don’t have a daughter, but they certainly seem to care a lot. As for the presumably, I think it’s a reasonably presumption given that there is absolutely no policy against boys showing up in nothing but swim trunks. My son wears a rash guard because he’s very white and we live in… Read more »
My middle school son has gotten dinged twice for dress code violations. Once for his tank top straps being too narrow and another for wearing a t-shirt that said “Education is important but hockey is importanter”. Most of the rules at my kids’ district are non-gender specific. Things like underwear not showing applies to bra straps for girls and boxer shorts for boys who like to sag. Personally, I don’t have an issue if the dress code is more about setting a standard that will help kids once they transition to the work force where you can’t wear whatever you… Read more »
James, your kids’ district may be doing a better job than most. At the very least, the codes should be gender neutral, as should enforcement. But, the point of my piece wasn’t just the gender bias. There’s also a lot of arbitrariness to the rules themselves, and especially how they’re enforced.