Last night, in honor of Veterans’ Day, a local tv network offered a special showing of the final episode of M*A*S*H, called “Goodbye, Farewell and Amen”. The Korean War was winding down and the weary personnel of the 4077 unit were facing their individual crises. One in particular was the psychological breakdown of Dr. Hawkeye Pierce who witnessed one intentional death without bullets or bombs, that was meant to save many lives. Spoiler alert in case you have not seen it, all is not as it seems at first glance. When he comes to terms with what actually occurred is when he can begin to heal. The memory will remain with him, but the hope is that he can integrate it, rather than allow it to devastate him and render him unable to function. During parts of the show, there was commentary from cast, writers and producers and it turns out that this story line emerged from far too many incidents like this one.
Stephen Joseph, PhD, author of What Doesn’t Kill Me Makes Me Stronger: The New Psychology of Trauma and Transformation, explains, “Those who try to put their lives back together exactly as they were remain fractured and vulnerable. But those who accept the breakage and build themselves anew become more resilient and open to new ways of living.”
Although I have seen it numerous times since it ran on February 28, 1983, this time, it rang even more clearly with the truth that those who serve in war, experience what is known as ‘moral injury‘. The phrase was coined by VA psychiatrist Jonathan Shay in the 1990s. He contributed to the book called War and Moral Injury which describes the sometimes irreparable harm done to those who are faced with the choice to kill or be killed, to see ‘the enemy’ as less than human, to be called on to commit acts that are in direct opposition to their most deeply held values. For some, it is killing civilians, for others it is failing to save comrades. Cognitive dissonance when it comes to killing someone’s child or leaving children orphaned. Survivor’s guilt leaves lifelong scars. Some lose body parts, others, pieces of their hearts.
In 2021, Terry Gross, host of NPR’s Fresh Air had interviewed a former Marine and intelligence officer who served five tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. He received a Silver Star, the Bronze Star of Valor and the Purple Heart. His name is Elliott Ackerman and he spoke painfully of the concept of moral injury. One thing that I have long known is that war is ‘state sanctioned murder’. Ackerman confirmed that reality.
“Ackerman says during his time in combat, he witnessed the “absolute, most extreme forms of depravity that human beings are capable of” — as well as “the absolute, most noble, heroic and selfless acts that people are capable of.”
As a therapist, I have worked with clients who have had to face these memories, carrying them in symbolic satchels across their backs. One such was a man who was a Viet Nam War vet who ended up in the psychiatric hospital where I worked after having a severe PTSD episode at home. In a session where it took all the fortitude I had to keep from sobbing, he told me that he had been drafted as a young man and was a medic. His job was to pick up body parts. He also carried a gun and had needed to use it on far too many occasions. “I was a healer and the army turned me into a killer.” That sums moral injury up in a profound way. I don’t know if he is still living and if he was ever able to recover, whatever that might look like. I can’t begin to imagine the heart pounding fear he experienced in combat and in retrospect, as the memories live on in his soul.
Another horrific residue of war is the plight of missing and homeless vets. One family shares their ordeal in a piece written by Patrick Smithwick about his son Andrew who is out in the world somewhere after seeing combat and leaving the military with PTSD. His family searches for him as ceaselessly as they pray for his safe return.
I consider myself a peacemonger who doesn’t glorify violence in any form. I do my best to refrain from waging war in all aspects of my life and to go heart to heart and not head to head.
My friend Dr. Yvonne Kaye works with veterans and finds them to be inspiring with all that they have survived. As a survivor of the Blitzkrieg in London during WWII, she too has witnessed far too much violence and it lingers in her heart and mind.
Wishing all who have experienced the horrors of war, whether civilians or military, peace. Peace of mind, peace in actions, peace on the planet.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock