As fathers (or mothers) we want our children to see us in the best light possible, and hopefully we can inspire them to do something meaningful and positive with their lives. Success is a term under much discussion lately; it is not a term to be used lightly in regard to our children’s futures. It is far too subjective to be used as a measuring factor in our lives as compared to others.
I have felt some measure of success in my life professionally, in the sense that I have gone through the arduous process of apprenticeship and examination and I have come out on the other side with a budding career.
I have experienced success in the sense that I started, and eventually completed, a college degree. This did not result in a budding career, but it did give me some sense of accomplishment and a nice piece of paper to show future job prospects.
I have found incredible success with the person with whom I’ve chosen to spend my life, in that we are able to communicate our desires to each other and each is able to listen with empathy, respect, and compassion.
I have realized the ultimate success in a primal sense by siring two healthy offspring and thereby ensuring the continued survival of my species. You’re welcome, humanity, we almost didn’t make it. (I can almost hear my wife’s eyes rolling)
Many would say success is based on factors I have not mentioned so far, most notably money and possessions. To that I say I’m not wallowed in debt, nor am I in dire need of anything. I have a roof over my head, food on my table and a warm bed at night. The cocoon of love and respect from my family, along with the aforementioned amenities, is all that is needed for a successful life in my opinion.
My aim now is to pass on those values of simplicity and appreciation to my children. My definition of success is the one I want for them, and hopefully I can show them the path to their own enlightenment, so to speak. If they feel the same way about success and configure their lives accordingly my life will be validated.
Of course, there is a strong chance their lives will differ significantly from mine, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. They are their own beings, and they have their own trials to face and obstacles to surmount. How they proceed will be determined by their tenacity and flexibility. My input will be indelibly in their psyche but the influence I exhibit over them is limited, as it should be.
At this point in their lives I am still a large slice of the influence pie chart. At this point in their lives I think that’s a good thing, but as they grow that slice should shrink accordingly. Their friends’ slices will grow, their love interests’ slices will grow, their inner consciousness will become more prevalent.
They will come to determine their own version of success.
In the pursuit of happiness they will hopefully rely on introspection and help from those they trust most, as I have been fortunate enough to do. My pie chart certainly has fluctuated over the years, and as I get older I have made adjustments based on my introspection and hard decisions that come during our lives.
My pursuit is ongoing, as all of ours should be, and I hope my children can see me as I change and adapt to my ever-shifting platform of life. I hope as they grow my decisions for my own life have a positive effect on them, whether consciously or not. I also hope their definition of success ends up being similar to mine because of course I’m biased, I want them to share my core values.
When my son was first born my wife and I gave everything we had and more to him, emotionally and physically. We sacrificed our identities for a time as we closed out the world to focus on our little family unit so we could ensure the creation of a tight bond. In that period of time, success meant keeping all of us alive. Literally.
The life we lived when we had a newborn to care for is very different than the life we live with two young school-aged children. The focus has expanded greatly, and realizing success is much more complex. Whereas simply taking the next breath was considered success, now we must provide for them not only the basic needs of life but also a learning environment that will aid them in augmenting their minds.
Without allowing the gravity of our role as parents to bury us, we must allow ourselves to look inward and see what we truly want for ourselves. Once we have come to face our desires and how we define success we can begin to present it to our kids while we still hold such a prominent slice of their influence pie.
Previously published on lifeoutsidethebox.me
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