Cort Ruddy has assembled a list of 17 sure-fire ways you can tell if your house might be crawling with children
1. The thought of being vomited on doesn’t totally gross you out.
2. You cook and serve macaroni and cheese more than three times a week.
3. At least one room in your house looks like a Toys-R-Us bomb exploded in it.
4. You know how to check for head lice.
5. When the temperature breaks 80 degrees, your first thought is, “Let’s set up the sprinkler.”
6. You own at least one container teaming with crayons or markers or Legos.
7. There are three versions of Angry Birds on your smart phone, and you’ve never played the game once.
8. You know the lyrics to the theme song from My Little Pony, Team Umizoomi, or Doc McStuffins.
9. You own more than five laundry baskets, all of which are currently full.
10. You have an opinion about Disney shows.
11. Most Friday nights you rent a movie, and yet you can’t remember the last time you stayed awake to watch one.
12. You consider the term “well rested” merely a theoretical construct.
13. The past three movies you saw in the movie theater were animated.
14. You’ve only been to one Broadway show in the past decade (or ever), and it was “Annie.”
15. “Sleeping in” means anything after 8 a.m.
16. You consider free babysitting a thoughtful gift.
17. Your idea of a perfect vacation is a quiet hotel room. Nothing else.
If more than a few of these describe your life, there’s a good chance you have kids—loads of them. Don’t panic. There are many people dealing with the same little challenges.
And, ironically, experts describe this as the “Best time in your life,” and say things like, “Enjoy it, because it goes by too fast.”
As infestations go, it’s a good one. Because these critters can also be lots of fun.