Nathaniel Turner has assembled a list of twenty-one ways that fathers can be more engaged and involved during the annual “back to school” season.
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Regardless of the age or grade, the first day back to school is a big deal. I have many memories of the first day back to school. Some of those memories include being dropped off at college by my mom and feeling petrified about the new chapter of my life.
To say that I was terrified about living away from home for the first time would be the understatement of a lifetime. The whole experience was horrifying. I spent not only the first day but nearly the first week lamenting what I anticipated would be overwhelming challenges, questioning my academic fitness for college, and searching for a way to make a new most unfamiliar environment—home.
Thankfully, not all my memories of the first day back to school are like my first day at college. I also have exhilarating memories about the first day back to school. I remember almost every year from the first grade through the twelfth grade—with the exception of the years I was advancing to a new school (6th and 9th)—being elated about the start of a new school year.
In fact, I remember those days clearly and affectionately. I was never able to sleep the night before. I was euphoric about finally being able to wear my new clothes. I was overjoyed about reconnecting with friends who I hadn’t seen all summer. Those were the days.
Father Where Art Thou?
As I reflect on my first days of school and those of my son’s rarely do I remember the first day of school being a day of great importance to fathers. Not only was my father absent from my first day at college but I don’t remember many fathers at any grade level celebrating the beginning of a new school year, a new chapter in their children’s life.
I’m not suggesting that all fathers ignore the significance of the first day back to school. I’m sure there are those fathers who relish the day but my personal experiences both as a son and father denote that dads don’t give it enough consideration. Even the media’s images of the first day back to school are routinely those of mom preparing breakfast, distributing lunch money, and double checking everything before dropping the kids off at school or the bus stop.
Don’t Let Mom Have All The Fun
The first day back to school should not only be a memorable time for your child but it is a great opportunity to enhance the father-child relationship. Experiencing and participating in the first day back to school is a fun experience that should not be exclusive to mom.
In preparation of your child returning to school, I have prepared a list of 21 things dads can do before and during the upcoming school year. It’s time we change the prevailing image of children going back to school. It’s time that dads play a more intentional role in the lives of our children.
Every Dad’s Back To School List
1. Take a current picture of your child. Check out the picture daily to remind yourself what is really important: why you work, why you need to be in the best health possible, who counts on you to be and do your best…
2. Take a current picture with your child. Give the picture to your child. Make sure they have a photo that captures a moment where they can never forget what it feels like to be loved by you.
3. Divide your age by your child’s age. This calculation is meant to illustrate the multiple importance you have to your child. I’m 49 and my son is 19. By my calculation, I must do and be my best because my son needs and counts on me 258% more than anyone else in the world.
4. Do something memorable before the first day of school (picnic, miniature golf, bowling, etc.). The goal is simply to spend the entire day (24 hours) doing whatever your child wants to do.
5. Write your child a letter of a minimum of 600 words. Remind your child through the lost art of letter writing how much they are loved by you. Share with them through the written word all the hopes and dreams you have for them. Consider making letter writing a habit.
6. Schedule a minimum of an hour each week to read with your child. This is of particular importance for the primary ages. Protect your child from the word gap.
7. Schedule your child into your life. Plan at least 3 hours a week where you are available to do whatever your child wants to do (in addition to athletic or extra-curricular events). Keep in mind that you can spend time with your child or they can fill their life with the influences of others.
8. Have breakfast with your child at least one weekday per week. Unless you are out of town on business or work during the time breakfast is served have breakfast with your child. You will be making the most important meal of the day memorable.
9. Have dinner with your child at least one weekday per week. See #8
10. Surprise your child at school at least one day per month. Bring your child lunch, share lunch at school with them, drop off a letter, leave a card, or deliver a balloon. The goal is always the same. Make sure your child knows that they are a constant and important element in your life.
11. Write all your child’s teachers and the principal. Welcome back to school all those whom you entrust with the care and education of your child. In your welcoming note, subtly inform them that you are ready and willing to help in any capacity needed (chaperone an event, monitor your child’s grades and behavior, etc.)
12. Add all the school events and extracurricular events that your child will participate in on your calendar. Don’t be the excuse dad. The only way not to make excuses is to be intentional. At every turn, intentionally plan your life to include your child.
13. One Saturday a month, prepare breakfast for your prince or princess. Make this breakfast a big deal. Remember excuses are not acceptable. If you aren’t a great cook open a cookbook. This breakfast is a day to celebrate the fact that your children are living and you have them in your life.
14. One Sunday a month, prepare dinner for your prince or princess. See #13
15. Send texts with encouraging words at the beginning of the week or daily. Parents often think the words they say to their children fall on deaf ears but, more often than we know, what we say sticks. The affirming words you send might make all the difference in the world.
16. At least once a semester, invite up to five of your child’s closest friends and parents to lunch or dinner. The importance of knowing who your children associate with and who their parents are cannot be understated. What feather of bird does your child flock?
17. Consider keeping a video journal where you communicate your experiences as a father. If writing is truly not your passion or you just want an additional way to convey your hopes, dreams, fears, frustrations, joys and pains of fatherhood video is easy and invaluable.
18. Hug your child every day. Whenever location permits hugging your child should be as natural and necessary as breathing. Breathe love and life into your child with a loving embrace.
19. Tell your child you love them every day. The idiom about assumptions applies to fathers. Don’t assume your child knows that they are loved. You need only say those three simple words—“I love you”.
20. If possible, take your child to work with you whenever they have a school break. Give your child an opportunity to see how you provide for them. Let your child see firsthand what you do to take care of them.
21. Do something out of the ordinary. If your child is embarking on a new frontier such as going to middle school, entering high school, or beginning college, get creative. Give your child a token that will remind them when they are away from you that you believe in them, that you trust them and that you will always be there for them.
It’s Just The Beginning
The twenty-one things listed above merely scratch the surface. There are many other things that could be added. However what’s really important is that we change the narrative about dads and create loving and lasting memories for our children.
Hopefully something in the list will prove useful. The world needs dads to be involved and intentional now more than ever before.
Here’s to you, your child, and a great first day of school. May this be the best, most productive, and fun school year ever!
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Credit: Image—Leland Francisco/Flickr