If you don’t move in a queer world, chances are you have a bunch of misconceptions about lesbians in your head. It’s not exactly your fault: they might have come from media, popular culture or even word of mouth.
But the time has finally come for you to let go of these preconceived ideas. After all, it’s 2022, and you don’t want to be stuck in the past. Or, worse, offend someone you know with these old-fashioned myths.
1. Lesbians get serious much faster
You know the classic lesbian joke…
“What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A U-Haul.”
Some lesbians get serious quickly, true. But I’ve also seen straight couples moving in together at lightning speed.
And I have lesbian friends who take it easy and date someone for years without ever moving in together.
As always, it depends. We’re all people, we’re all different, and we do whatever works for us. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with how fast people get serious in their relationships.
2. Lesbians hate men
Just because lesbians like women romantically and sexually, it doesn’t mean they hate men. The same way straight women don’t hate other women, or straight men don’t hate other men. Lesbians don’t like women because they hate men. They like women because they do — there is a huge difference here.
3. Being a lesbian is easier because you’re dating someone of the same gender
Easier how, exactly? It might be easier sexually… after all, lesbian women report orgasming 86% of the time during sex, while the number lowers to 65% for women who have sex with men. In some cases, communication might be easier between both parties in the relationship.
But this ease is overshadowed by many challenges queer people face because of their sexuality. These include discrimination within their families, socially, or at the workplace.
So, no, being in a lesbian relationship is not easier, it just comes with a different set of challenges.
4. There is a man and a woman in a lesbian relationship
It’s ridiculous to still have to debunk this myth in 2022. From my experience, most people have already let go of this twisted idea. But for the remaining square minds out there: there is not a man and a woman in a lesbian relationship.
There are two women, and that’s exactly the definition of lesbianism: women loving women. This applies to every aspect of a lesbian couple’s life: sex, house chores, or any other dynamic. It’s two women, always.
5. Lesbians stare at you in the locker room
Lesbians like women, but they also are women. They might look at others in the locker room the same way straight women look at each other: not with sexual intent, but to compare their bodies.
Believe me, most lesbians I know will try to get out of the locker room as quickly as possible, and keep their heads down all the time — precisely because they feel too conscious about this myth.
6. Lesbians look like men
Lesbians are women, not men — sounds very obvious, but it’s still worth pointing out, considering the huge misconception about the topic. Women present in all sorts of styles, from more feminine to more masculine.
If you’re into labels, there are plenty to describe lesbians based on their appearance: femme, lipstick, chapstick, tomboy, butch, and so on. Butches look more manly but, as you see, that is only one label out of many.
7. Lesbians live an “L Word” lifestyle
The show “The L Word” is still the epitome of the lesbian lifestyle on television. While you do encounter some Shanes and Bettes & Tinas, and every other character in real life, not all lesbians live the life depicted on the show.
The majority of lesbian women around the world are far from living the glamour of LA life, with nothing but other lesbians as friends, tangled in a web of hot romances. In fact, most of us live pretty standard lives. We have families, friends (of all genders and sexual orientations), we work, we enjoy life. Sometimes, we have a lot of fun, other times we are quite boring. Because, well… we are not characters of a tv show.
8. Lesbians are into sports
Some lesbians are sporty, others are not, just like in any other segment of the population. I feel this conclusion comes from a sequence of false premises:
- Lesbians are more masculine women
- Men are into sports
- Lesbians must be into sports
But lesbians are not more masculine, and not all men are into sports. Thus, the conclusion is nothing but a big fat misconception.
9. Lesbians make out with all their female friends
It’s been 15 years since I know I’m a lesbian, and I only made out with a friend once. And then she turned into my girlfriend. Lesbians don’t make out with their female friends, the same way straight women don’t make out with all their male friends — why would they?
However, I have several lesbian friends that I kissed at some point. But it goes the other way around: I met them, we had a fling or even a relationship, and we stayed friends afterward.
10. All lesbians know each other
Ok, I’m not going to lie and say this is completely untrue. I’ve seen many familiar faces while swiping on Tinder, for example. But that doesn’t mean I know all the lesbians in my area! Nor do all the other lesbians know each other — as long as they are not“the only gay in their villages”.
Before You Leave
Maybe you know a lesbian who is a walking cliché and actually lives by every single one of the myths we explored here. They exist! But the point is that lesbians, like everyone else, have such diverse lives that it’s impossible to put them all in one category.
As “The L Word”’s theme song goes…
Talking, laughing, loving, breathing
Fighting, f*cking, crying, drinking
Riding, winning, losing, cheating
Kissing, thinking, dreaming
Lesbians do all that. But so does every other human on the planet.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash