Few moments in our lifetime can be more stressful and uncomfortable than when we go on a date with someone for the first time. It doesn’t matter if your best friend introduced them to you or if you met them in an App.
The thought of being in front of a person you’re just meeting brings out your deepest fears. The fact that you don’t know what the other person will think of us or if your date will meet your expectations can make you self-doubt and wonder what to say or do.
After several years as a communication consultant, this is one of the most asked questions in my seminars. Because everyone wants to succeed without having to change their personality, and in the process, maybe meet the one.
Hence, here are ten ideas that will help you before, during, and after that special date. From what to wear, do, say, drink or eat to the most important thing to remember if you want to have a second date.
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1. Don’t disqualify your date just because they’re not your type
Everyone has the perfect kind they dream of their date being. Perhaps you are on a blind date or with someone you met on a dating App, and the person in front of you doesn’t meet your expectations. Maybe in their profile picture, they were blond, but you’re sitting next to a brunette.
Other times, you might disagree with their clothing choices, the tone of their voice, or the perfume they are wearing. Don’t dismiss them just because of these; they can easily change. Take your time and get to know them; you may find they check more off your OK boxes than you think.
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2. Don’t talk all the time about Me, Myself, and I
You Both agreed to meet and learn about each other. So, don’t spend the whole date talking about you. Show your companion that you are interested in getting to know them by asking about their hobbies, what they like to eat, where they like to travel, and what they want to get out of the date.
Make it light; no one wants to listen about where you chose your pet’s names or if you named your half a dozen children as your political or religious heroes. Neither is why your older one got the name of David Bruce Logan. They’ve already noticed your Hulk tie, Batman cufflinks, and the Wolverine tattoo.
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3. Remember, it is a date, not a job interview
Trying to avoid the previous point, you may ask your date many questions just so that you don’t always talk about yourself, but remember, it’s a date, not an interrogation or job interview.
You wouldn’t like to be on the receiving side of a paintball competition where you don’t have something to defend yourself, and neither is your date. Instead of making your date a shooting gallery target, make it more interesting by giving the other person a chance to switch the conversation and ask what they want to learn about you.
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4. Make the other person feel comfortable
No one likes to be ignored, have a conversation with someone looking at another table, or worse, check a girl as she passes by your side. So look your date into the eyes, where possible.
Eye contact is a powerful tool to show the other person you are interested in and value their conversation. Plus, it will help you bond with the other person, improve mutual understanding, help others remember what you said, display honesty, make you look interested, and create attraction. After all, isn’t this what you were looking for in the first place?
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5. Clear all physical barriers
Don’t you hate when you are trying to talk with someone while the flower arrangement is blocking the view? The same goes for a glass of wine, regardless of the price or the label, even if it’s a Pinot Noir, Merlot, or Cabernet Sauvignon.
Clear all obstacles between you, and for God’s sake, PUT AWAY YOUR PHONE. No matter how interested you are in the other person, if your cellular phone is on the table, it will tempt you to look at it if the screen lights up or the incoming message alarm sounds.
Unless you carry the nuclear football for the president and have to take him to prevent a foreign enemy attack, there is no excuse to scroll your messages and make your date think they’re boring or that your messages are more important.
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6. Practice being present in the moment
Both of you decided to go on a date, so be present at the moment. Don’t wander in and out thinking of your ex, your kids, your work, social media, or any appointment you have the next day.
When asked about your last vacation, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning it. However, it’s not a good idea to endlessly discuss your trip. Also, if you have kids, be sure to mention them. You don’t want your date to find out about them after several dates or from someone else. If your date shows a genuine interest in them, answer, but then move on.
You may have the most exciting job, and if so, tell your date about it. However, your date probably wants to learn more about who you are and what you are into. Instead of talking about your boss, the annoying coworker, or how nothing would be done without you. Try to discuss if you plan on traveling, your favorite meals, or your hobbies.
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7. What to avoid
You want to have a good time and perhaps have a glass of Cabernet, a delicious meal, and a good cigar, but remember not to overdo it.
A few drinks to relax is OK, but you know your limit. No one likes to make a fool of himself or to be with someone who, after exceeding their alcohol tolerance, turns aggressive or violent. Don’t overdo it if you want to have a drink at the beginning or plan to order wine with the meal, and always drink responsibly.
But not only alcohol can ruin your date. Stay away from messy, sticky, or smelly food. Nobody likes to sit in front of someone who smells of garlic, has something on their teeth, or has a sticky handshake, since they could be ashamed to tell you.
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8. Stay away from difficult topics
A date is not the perfect place if you’re looking for a debate contest. No one like to be interrogated during a date or defend their religion or political affiliation. If it’s an important aspect of your life, then mention it at the beginning. Remember that, just like the physical aspect we discussed, don’t disqualify someone for their political views, religion, or religious beliefs.
Also, refrain from raunchy jokes, or race, color, origin, sex, military status, or any other type of discriminating comments. You don’t want to hurt your date’s feelings or start a discussion about women, abortion, voting rights, or if the election was rigged or not.
Instead, look for common things to talk about, maybe a place, a hobby, a movie, or last night’s Stranger Things chapter. If both of you share the same political affiliation and both agree to talk about it, then it can be the perfect theme for conversation, but don’t go there as your first option.
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9. Take it easy, don’t overstress
Remember, it is a date, not an IRS audit. So, don’t worry about the outcome. If your date goes wrong because you are incompatible or the person doesn’t meet your expectations, there will be another chance to meet the right one. I’m not saying to forget about the complete experience. On the contrary, learn from it.
Also, remember that your date can last from a few minutes to several hours. Therefore, before you choose your tiny tight black dress and ten-inch high heel shoes, remember you might have to undo some buttons or carry your shoes to feel comfortable; you better opt for a comfy dress and low heel shoes.
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10. Don’t try to be someone else
Always be true to yourself regardless of who your date is and how much you want to leave a good first impression. Nothing is more important or valuable than yourself. So enjoy the evening, have fun, laugh, and relax.
Therefore, regardless of the place, the day, or the person you will meet, remember that the person you should always love, care for, and respect is the one you see in front of the mirror every morning.
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Take Away
From the moment you agree to go on a date, we all experience some moments of doubt and excitement. Whether you are the shyest person or a consummate Don Juan, there is something special about the uncertainty of what will be the aftermath of that first encounter.
These ten points will help you during those moments of awkwardness, embarrassment, and plain discomfort. You might agree with some of them or refute others. However, without any doubt, you will find a good idea among them.
Please share your comments, I’m always waiting to learn more about my readers and their interests.
I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.
— Dave Attell
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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