We never get enough of falling in love and believing in love. — Shemar Moore
When I was a young girl, short for my age and rocking chubby cheeks, I dreamed of being a tall, powerful, independent young adult. A time would come when my curves would be more accentuated, my waist more snatched, and my cheekbones more defined.
A handsome prince would see me from across a crowded room and would instantly fall in love with me. He would then pursue me relentlessly, adorning me with gifts and attention, and I would fall in love with him, too.
We would then have a grand wedding in the castle, where everyone who wanted to attend would be welcome. Or if the mighty Queen, his mother or grandmother, did not approve of our union, we would elope and still have a fairytale wedding.
Then, we would ride off into the sunset on a white, crickety carriage pulled by jet-black horses. And we would live happily ever after.
Alas!
It turns out that is just a common template used by producers of animations and movies. In the real world, the prince could be a seemingly ordinary person you have considered “just a friend” for years.
In reality, there is more to falling in love than just staring into each other’s eyes and zinging like Mavis and Andy in Hotel Transylvania.
Most important, I have discovered that finding true love and falling deeply in love with another starts with truly loving ourselves first.
After all, if you do not love and respect yourself first, how can you ever expect to feel truly loved? How would you know how to love another person the way they deserve?
What I am sharing today has helped me fall in love with myself so I can truly love my partner in the way that he deserves. You can use this to learn how to fall in love with yourself and improve your relationships with others.
Here are the 11 things I wish I knew before falling so deeply in love.
1. Appreciate the beauty within you without judgement
Do not judge yourself harshly. Without mercy for ourselves, we cannot love the world. — Buddha
Judging yourself is different from being honest with yourself.
When it comes to living as a compassionate, non-judgmental person, the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime comfortably in your own shoes.
There is beauty in every smile. There is love in every heart. There is wisdom in every mind. Within every single one of us, there is worth, there is life, there is potential to be the greatest that we can be.
I wish I had known that it is most important to see this beauty around you, but especially in yourself.
Fall in love with yourself first.
2. Stay authentic and true to yourself
“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.” — Anonymous.
Do not lose YOU in your search for acceptance by others.
You will always appear to be a little less than some people prefer you to be, but remember that most people are unaware that you are so much more than what they choose to see.
You are good enough just the way you are. You have nothing to prove to anyone else.
Focus your attention on who you are to yourself. Choose to be kind, honest, and loving, and choose to love yourself no matter how society says there are things less than perfect about you.
I wish I had known that nobody else in the world can be a better me than me. I would have loved myself enough to stay authentic and true to myself.
Fall in love with yourself first.
3. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you
“Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.” — Jordan B. Peterson
I love Jordan Peterson. In his book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, he says you should always consider what would surely be good for you.
When I am responsible for helping someone, I find that I am usually kind towards them, and do my best to help them through whatever situation they need help in. I do not always extend that same courtesy to myself.
To fall in love with yourself so you can love others around you, accept yourself. You are beautiful. Be you, just the way you are, in a beautiful way only you know.
The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will either. And when you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you, but that’s okay. I mean, ice cream is great but still, not everybody likes it.
I wish I had known the importance of treating myself like someone I love, too. Someone that I am kind and loving and patient towards.
Fall in love with yourself first.
4. Know your worth, and add tax
“You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.” — Tene Edwards
This quote also applies to love. We accept the love we think we deserve.
It makes no sense to be second in someone’s life when you know you’re good enough to be first in someone else’s.
If someone treats you like you are just one of many options, do yourself a favour and remove yourself from that equation. It is not pride, it is self-respect and self-love.
I have learned that it is important that I know your value and what I have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what I deserve. You should, too.
Fall in love with yourself first.
5. Choose yourself and learn to let go of some people
“Choose yourself.” —James Altucher
There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life no matter how much you want them to. The only people truly worthy of your love are the ones who stand with you through the hard times and laugh with you after the hard times pass.
Maybe a happy ending doesn’t include anyone else right now. Maybe it’s just you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is simply letting go.
I wish I knew that it does not matter how long you have known someone. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go of people whose intentions do not serve you, but only hurt you, and find others that love you and care about your wellbeing.
Fall in love with yourself first.
6. Take your time in intimate relationships.
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” — Lao Tzu
Love is not just about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off. It is about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.
Your partner is not perfect, and neither are you. You just need someone you can trust, someone you want to be with because your heart and mind are both in agreement about this person.
If you are still looking for your true love, be patient. There is someone that will love you so completely and unconditionally that it will make sense why your other relationships did not work out. They failed so that you could get the love you deserve.
I wish I had known that it is okay to take your time.
Fall in love with yourself first.
7. Practise complete forgiveness
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” — Robert Muller
Learn to forgive yourself and others. Nobody can ever take away your freedom to choose what you will believe in, and who and what your heart will love going forward.
Life begins where your fear and resentment ends.
Just because someone hurt you yesterday, doesn’t mean you should hate the world, or start living life today in constant fear of being hurt tomorrow.
When you forgive yourself and others and stop the inner imprisonment, you’re creating the love of your life. Recommended reading The Tao of Pooh.
I wish I had known the power of completely forgiving myself and those who hurt me.
Fall in love with yourself first.
8. Focus on the positive in the world
“Things have a way of working themselves out if we just remain positive.” — Lou Holtz
According to experts at Mayo Clinic, positive thinking helps with stress management and can even improve your health. Studies show that personality traits such as optimism and pessimism can affect many areas of your health and well-being.
The positive thinking that usually comes with optimism is a key part of effective stress management.
Do not let the pain make you hopeless. Do not let the negativity wear off on you. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Even though others may disagree with you, take pride in the fact that you still know the world is a beautiful place.
Change your thoughts and you change your reality. Our thoughts are the makers of our moods, the inventors of our dreams, and the creators of our will. That is why we must sort through them carefully, and choose to respond only to those that will help us build the life we want, and the outlook we want to hold as we’re living it.
I wish I had known that what you focus on expands. When you focus on the good in your life, it will expand and you will get more good and abundance in your life.
Fall in love with yourself first.
9. Believe in yourself
“If you can believe it, the mind can achieve it.” Ronnie Lott
Believe in yourself as you are now, and believe in the person you are capable of becoming.
The real purpose of your life is to evolve and grow into the whole person you are capable of being. Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.
Change really is always possible — there is no ability that can’t be developed with experience. Don’t ever let your negative beliefs stand in the way of your own improvement.
I wish I had known that whatever you believe is what you will achieve.
Fall in love with yourself first.
10. Work on your goals
“Always remember, your focus determines your reality.” — George Lucas
It is important to have goals and dreams for different aspects of your life, and sometimes they feel so close that you can practically taste them.
At these times, staying committed to your goals seems effortless. However, at other times, your goals may feel so far away that they seem absolutely impossible to reach in this lifetime. At these times, it’s far harder to remain committed.
Work on goals that you believe in.
Sometimes your success takes longer than you first expect so you must allow your journey to play out.
Never put off or give up on a goal that is important to you. Not because you still have tomorrow to start or try again, but because you may not have tomorrow at all. Life is shorter than it sometimes seems. Follow your heart today.
I wish I had set goals for the kind of relationship I wanted to be in and checked in along the way if I was still on track.
Fall in love with yourself first.
11. Keep on keeping on
“Whatever you are facing today, keep going. Keep moving. Keep hoping. Keep pressing on. There is victory on the other side.” — Mandy Hale
Moving on doesn’t mean you have forgotten; it means you have accepted what happened in the past and choose to continue living in the present.
Moving on doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re giving yourself another chance by making a choice to be happy rather than hurt.
Through all the problems you have faced, the burdens weighing down on your shoulders, the pain in your heart, you have only one thing to say, “I survived and I now know better for next time.”
In the end, loving yourself is about enjoying your life, trusting your own feelings, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning from the past. Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting. Have faith that things will work out, maybe not exactly how you planned, but just how it’s meant to be.
I wish I had known that I just needed to keep on keeping on.
Fall in love with yourself first.
Falling in love is a walk in the park for some but not so much for others. Always remember that;
- You are powerful when you believe in yourself — when you know that you are capable of anything you put your mind to.
- You are beautiful when your strength and determination shines as you follow your own path — when you aren’t dishevelled by the obstacles along the way.
- You are unstoppable when you let your mistakes educate you, as your confidence builds from experiences — when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward.
- To truly find true love in the world, you have to fall in love with yourself first.
I wish you loads of love and happiness in your relationships.
And now your thoughts…
Let me know what you think in the comments section below.
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Previously Published on medium
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