The author knew better. But he answered two of his girlfriend’s questions honestly. He lived to write about it.
Maybe I should’ve subtitled this article “2 Questions I Should’ve Never Answered”. But I did. Most men in relationships know that the women in most cases will be the most quizzical ones (maybe that’s a stereotype, but it’s been that way in my experiences). The ones who will ask the most questions. And, there are some questions that men should answer, and there are those…that should require a lawyer present when answering them.
Here are those questions.
1. “How Do I Look In This” Besides the fact that she will ask me this first thing in the morning (she works first shift, I work second), and many times I’m bleary eyed, what’s really funny is the level of intensity that my lady will ask the question. (“How do I really look in this?”) I admit, I’m a clotheshorse. Been that way since I was a teenager. I can even bring out my inner fashionista for my girl. But, when she asks for my opinion on her outfit on any given day, she wants me to inspect her like Tim Gunn on steroids. Which.I.cant.do. My knowledge of female fashion is very limited. I know the basics, but I can’t even begin to know what kind of feminine flourishes she should add to what she’s wearing.
What’s funny is that because I obviously like her a lot, she’s always going to look good to me. I like her big butt (which she has a love/hate relationship with). So that handicaps me right out of the gate. Too me, I’m looking at a woman I already think is attractive, so even if she may wear something that makes me pause, I’m not ever going to say “That blouse is scaring me”.
But she continues to ask me anyway. Sigh.
2. “Do You Think My Friends Are Cute”? Sometimes, I think women are masochists. Why in the hell do women want to know what their men think of their female friends? In non-friendly ways? A man will never ask a woman if she thinks his closest male friends are cute or attractive. (In my case, it’s a super hell no, because most of my close male friends are/were pretty boys. Go figure).
My girlfriend recently asked me which of her friends were hot, or not. Usually, I would completely blow that question off, or quickly change the subject. However, on this particular day, I was tending to my Franchise on Madden 25. I was in the middle of trading for a second round pick in the upcoming draft, so my mind wasn’t all the way “there”. Like the distracted half-wit I was at that moment, I went down the list of friends that she provided. After 25 minutes, and a few half awkward laughs, I thought we were done.
Nope. A few weeks later, my girlfriend drilled me on two of her friends I said were cute. One of the friends had gone out to lunch with my girl, and the other one was going to another social outing with my lady. And she got all Law and Order/Homicide: Life on the Street on me. “I’m going out with the one you said was hot!” “I’m going to hang out with your big booty crush!” (Hey, I like booties. Black Guy here) Now, I was getting hammered for giving opinions that she asked for.
Damn you, Madden 25!
That’s the list. Maybe I should go watch Bravo. I think I’m going to need some tips.