All of your friends are either in serious relationships or are entering that stage in their life.
Meanwhile, the only time a female looks your way is when she’s asking you for your coffee order. You’ve seen her every morning this week and she still doesn’t remember your name.
You feel lost when it comes to women. You don’t really know how to navigate your way into their complicated vortex. You tell yourself, “it’ll happen when it happens,” but you’ve been telling yourself that for so long that you’re starting to lose hope.
How do I get their attention? You wonder as they walk past you on the street without glancing your way.
Well, let me tell you.
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Step 1.) Have your shit together.
There really isn’t anything more appealing to a woman than a man who has his shit handled.
We don’t want to be your moms and tell you to clean up after yourself or work on your personal hygiene. We don’t want to listen to you rant about how the world is against you and that’s why you’re depressed and unemployed.
Women want a man with a career, and if not a career, then a stable job. Women like men who are physically healthy and active. I’d argue that a guy who is active and hits the gym regularly is 100x more attractive than a couch potato.
Women are attracted to men who work on themselves because when you work on yourself, you have a growth mindset and exude confidence.
Speaking of confidence, most women are not attracted to insecure guys. We have enough of our own insecurities; we don’t want to deal with yours.
If you don’t have your shit together and you want women to start paying attention to you, focus on the following things:
- Have a stable job that keeps you off your parents’ couch
- Work on yourself. Mentally and physically
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Step 2.) Have something to offer.
Relationships should be mutually beneficial. You provide your partner with value, and they provide you with value in return.
What you offer a person is entirely up to you. This can be as simple as solid character traits.
Are you a good listener? Are you a good conversationalist who has the ability to share a new perspective? Are you someone who is incredibly goal-oriented and you inspire those around you?
Something I always desired in a partner is for them to be educated. My boyfriend can carry on a conversation with anyone about any topic. I am constantly learning from him, which is extremely valuable to me.
The majority of women will consider what a man will offer her before getting into a relationship with them.
If you want a woman to pay attention to you — have something valuable to offer.
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Step 3.) Make your presence known.
This might just be the most effective tip — however, it has to be done last because you can get a woman to pay attention to you by approaching her, but that attention won’t last if you don’t have your shit together and have nothing to offer.
This doesn’t have to be an awkward moment at the gym where you walk up to a girl mid-workout and say hi. Most women don’t like that. What you need to do (if you have completed the two initial steps) is to make your presence known.
I’ll let you in on something: most women will always pay attention to the guy that takes up space and makes himself stand out.
When I first moved to LA, I got a membership at the infamous Gold’s gym in Venice beach. Everybody there is attractive, but only a select few stand out.
I’ve never liked being approached or talking to guys at the gym, it’s my “me” time, and I don’t want to be picked up or talked to during that time.
However, for many people, the gym is a great place to meet others.
The guy who got my attention at the gym didn’t approach me directly. He just took up space. He worked out at the same time every day with his buddies. They took up the entire outdoor space. He was visibly a hard worker.
He was always smiling, always laughing, always having a good time — and to sweeten it up, always making eye contact with me.
First, he noticed me — then he made me notice him. Next was a casual hello. Then came the Instagram likes. Then came the DM… and here’s another secret: I sent the first DM.
Women will not only pay attention to you if you make your presence known, but they’ll most likely even approach you if you make your presence known to them.
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I want you to consider what all 3 of these steps have in common.
Having your shit together, having something to offer, and making your presence known — they’re all intertwined.
You can’t make your presence known without being confident. You can’t exude true confidence if you don’t have your shit together. You can’t have your shit together and not have anything to offer.
If you want a quality woman, invest in yourself, and women will start noticing you.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Sam Manns on Unsplash