Love makes the world move. It is the most sought after human experience.
When we fall in love, it seems like all things are possible! United with our partner, we feel we can conquer all obstacles!
Falling in love can generate such ecstatic experiences that we can become totally blind to the glaring red flags in our relationships.
And suddenly, we are hit by a breakup. We wonder what went wrong.
We end up with grief, thinking we are not good enough or we did something majorly wrong that lead to the breakup.
If we stop for a moment to objectively understand the process of falling in love and what red flags to watch out for, we can save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary heartaches!
When we meet someone and get attracted to them, there is a certain chemical rush in our bodies.
This chemical rush generates the feeling of euphoria and ecstasy that we ascribe to love and our partner.
It can completely blind us to the flaws or red flags that keep popping up in our relationships.
It is very important to stay objective even while we are going through the process of falling in love and not let the chemical rush blind us.
I have compiled a list of three glaring red flags that you should watch out for in your relationships.
These three behavior traits are absolutely toxic and come from a place of insecurity or fear.
Words can hurt you especially when they are full of blame and criticism and come from your loved ones.
There is something called constructive criticism, that is aimed to help you improve and then there is something called blaming and putting someone down. The difference lies in the intention and spirit behind the action.
If someone is constantly blaming you and finding faults with everything that you do, it says more about them as a person than about you.
It clearly shows that they lack self-worth and they are trying to project their own flaws and insecurities upon you.
What you should do?
You need to make an objective assessment of the situation. What is the kind of blame that is happening in the relationship? Is it constructive or is it to put someone down?
Who is the one doing more blaming? Is it only your partner or do you blame equally or instigate your partner to indulge in the blame game?
If the conversation involves more blame that is used to shame others than constructive criticism and if the blame comes mostly from your partner, it’s time to leave.
If you stick around someone who is constantly blaming or criticizing you, you will end up being full of self-doubt.
Don’t put yourself in a situation where anyone tries to dim your light just to feel better about them.
Shaming is also as toxic as blaming. And it has gone on the rise due to social media.
People can use social media to shame you and write comments about you hiding behind a screen.
Shamers are often codependent and insecure people. They tear others down to feel better about themselves.
What you should do?
Blaming or shaming comes from a place of fear and desperation. It means someone is not owning their stuff and projecting their own insecurities and fear on someone else.
Shame is a toxic behavior that results in codependency. If someone is constantly shaming and blaming you or gaslighting you, you may end up doubting your own self-worth and it can take a lot of time to overcome from the trauma of the emotional abuse.
Don’t be in a relationship with someone who is into shaming or blaming, distance yourself emotionally, mentally and physically.
We can only give to others, what we have.
Often people who are critical of others are also extremely critical of themselves.
Their critical tendencies lead to perfectionist attitude which makes them excel in their respective fields.
These people have a lot of fame and fan following which attracts more people to them.
But it is only when you come close to them, you see the inadequacy and flaws that they hide under their picture-perfect image.
Don’t be blinded by the glittery picture-perfect image that they project or the number of fans they have.
See the reality of their behavior objectively. Someone who is into blaming and shaming and toxic is not worth being with, no matter how popular or successful they may be.
You may see the underlying anger and sadness in people who blame and shame.
You may be tempted to help them to heal and make a lot of excuses for their behavior.
Most people who carry a lot of hurt and pain need professional help and neutral space to heal. It is their own journey and responsibility to deal with their inner demons and work on their healing.
If they continue taking actions that make you feel disrespected or unworthy, even after your repeated attempts at trying to change their behavior.
If you begin to feel manipulated, it is time you took an objective decision.
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Originally published on The Minds Journal
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