Jacob and Lily were picking up their wedding outfits and needed a second opinion. Since I hadn’t gone shopping since last year’s pandemic, I agreed to their invitation.
The search for the perfect dress began! Every time Lily tried a wedding gown, Jacob said, “Wow! This dress looks perfect on you. You look like an angel.” Finally, after five hours and nine stores, I couldn’t hold my thought and blurted out, “Dude! How much will you lie? If I can make out, she surely can.”
He instantly replied, “She knows I am lying but will never confront.”
“What do you mean?” I asked shockingly.
Like a love guru, he patiently explained, “You don’t tell women what to buy, what looks good on them, what makes them look thin, etc. You just notice their expressions and play along. If you don’t do that, you invite big trouble. Let me prove it to you.”
When Lily tried the next bridal outfit and asked Jacob about his opinion, he replied, “Babe, you’re looking too fat in this dress.”
The rest was history! We had to cut the day short and go to a movie so that they could avoid fighting in front of me. I realized I had also experienced this similar situation when lies saved my life but never thought about it.
There are different kinds of lies in relationships like:
- Omitting the relevant information
- White lies
- Telling the half-truth
- Real whoppers
- Blending the truth, etc.
Everyone lies. But the reason and extent are different for all.
DePaulo, the author of “The Hows And Whys of Lies,” says,
But consistent lying can unglue a relationship. So, women must know what kind of lies to take seriously, when to buy those lies and when to confront their partners.
From my personal experience and online research, I have compiled a list of lies men tell women that can sabotage a relationship (if not used in moderation).
So, let’s get started!
. . .
#1. “Your Friends! Of Course, I Like Them”
After entering into a relationship, the first thing couples want to do is introduce their other halves to their friends. That’s okay. Not getting along with them is also fine. You’re not supposed to like everyone. But lying about it is not called for.
Men are the worst creatures when it comes to expressing their feelings. They often complicate simple things. They always want to be politically correct in their opinions, perceptions, and choices. To make everyone around them happy, they force themselves to be who they’re not. They often go out of their comfort zone to socialize with their partner’s friends and vice versa. Result? Evident sadness. Expressions of discomfort on the face.
Sara Stanizai, a licensed psychotherapist and owner of Prospect Therapy, says,
Men can be fools at times. When women give men a chance to speak the truth, they say, “Hhhmmm…your friends! I like them. They’re my friends too!”
But, women sometimes aren’t cautious enough as they should be when men flatter them. They should observe what he wants or enjoy doing instead of asking upfront. Not everyone expresses their feelings without any inhibitions.
These ego-stroking statements can be extremely harmful to a relationship when men use them to mask the opposite feelings — for example, when a man says he likes his partner’s cooking, but actually, he doesn’t.
Such lies can pose serious problems in the future when dealing with vacation plans, family Christmas gifts, and career choices. So, men must anticipate the consequences of their lies before using them casually.
. . .
#2. You Look Perfect in That Dress
The common lie most men tell women. By and large, these lies are good — they show how much a man cares for his partner’s emotions.
Sometimes, the cause of this lie is mutual. Women don’t want to hear the truth, and men don’t want to hurt them either by showing them the mirror. But, if women are ready for rude awakenings, men would stop using these lies, perhaps.
If you’re a man, how would you feel if a third person made rude remarks on your partner’s dress? It would be more painful for her to hear the truth from someone else than you, wouldn’t it be?
In fact, not telling the truth is silently pushing her towards the edge of the cliff. I agree that lies can look comfortable in those situations. But the truth is more acceptable if presented appropriately.
To tactfully handle such situations, men could say:
- Honey, I love all your clothes, but this one doesn’t seem right.
- This dress is good but not the best. I am sure there’re more lovely dresses to try.
- The dress is too dull; it doesn’t go with your personality.
Women are too smart to decode the hidden message in those sentences.
. . .
#3. I Never Had a Serious Relationship Before
Can any past relationship remain hidden in this high-tech world?
Sooner or later, your partner will know about your past from social media. Maybe a tagged photo or message from the archives — anything is possible!
The best way to sustain your relationship is to come clean. But men don’t believe in doing so for unknown reasons. Sometimes, they’re scared of losing their partner or fear being judged or feel uncomfortable talking about it — whatever it can be. But nothing is justified when hiding something significant.
A UK newspaper, the Metro, surveyed 2000 men and women, asking them what they lied about in relationships. Forty-four percent of men agreed on one thing — hiding past relationships. Reason? They didn’t want to put off their (present) partners.
The reason for telling these lies is evident — Assumptions. Men assume that women won’t digest their past.
But if’s, buts, and presuming your partner’s reactions are the worst way to build relationships. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Unfortunately, this type of lie can erode trust forever.
. . .
Lies are lies. No matter how much you justify them. Sooner or later, the lie has to die because it comes with an expiry.
Men are the worst liars, according to Abraham Lincoln as he once quoted:
“No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.”
It’s better to tell the truth and lose a relationship than lie and build a hollow empire.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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