I was raised by an older parent with chronic illnesses so my comfortability around all things medical comes from that. A natural progression both of age and disease occurred as it does, in one way or another all of my siblings did their part. Though she was fiercely independent, and certainly didn’t do everything we would of liked her to do she didn’t stonewall us when it came to assisting her. I forget not everyone is so fortunate until I see a very typical dance play out too long between adult child and aging parent.
Start with spending time with them. It can be the easiest step or the hardest depending on where your current relationship stands with your parents. Nevertheless, I’ve sat with countless families who seem so awkward with each other during times, they don’t have that luxury. Expecting a parent to divulge any information or thoughts when you haven’t taken the time to ask early isn’t going to work. No more than your parent who block you at every attempt, but expect you to step up in an emergency doesn’t go well.
Have some real conversation with your siblings. I find that siblings all have different ideas about their parents and aging, but not too far off in their overall goals. It’s the never discussing it factor that goes on too long, that creates a habit of one knowing more, doing more than another which results in resentful feelings later on. A simple “so what do you think will happen as mom/dad get older and may need help?” Simply listen this isn’t a time for debate, you’re information seeking that’s all. Share your thoughts to the same question. Again, this isn’t a debate, now follow up with a shift in the question…”what would you like to see, and what would you absolutely not agree to?” By doing this or any type of questioning you’re creating a dialogue as well as a habit of talking which will serve you in the long run.
Grab yourself some resources about Seniors. With a few keystrokes one can find any number of topics on aging, simply print out the things that grab your interest. Or a quicker route is to call (or visit) your local Area on Aging Agency, ask them to send you all their information for Senior Resources. You will be sent a book that has just about all you need to know in area of reaching out for help, if it’s ever required. Read it in your free time, or stick it in a drawer. I promise you it’s better to have it in your possession and never need it, then vise versa.
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