Attractive men are often portrayed as successful, stoic, and silent types who save the world without batting an eye. You’re taught that to win over a woman, you need to behave, dress, look, and be a certain way. There are a lot of “rules”, and you need to get them just right to find attraction and love.
But how much of this is true? What do women really look for in men? As it turns out, a lot of what we’re taught is misleading and even harmful. Today, we’ll bust some myths about what women want and don’t want.
Without further ado, here are six things you might be getting wrong about attracting women.
1. The need to be strong
According to Western standards, a real man is strong physically and mentally. To attract women, you need to keep your feelings to yourself and never show weakness.
Not so fast. As research shows, when we show our true feelings by discussing deep topics (topics like when we cried in front of someone else, the role of love in our lives, and so on), we form much deeper connections than when we discuss shallow topics (say, our favorite TV show).
Humans crave connection. The women you date likely want to find someone they can open up to rather than someone they can chit-chat with about the weather or the latest Netflix shows.
You’re allowed to feel and be perceived as weak. Rather than driving away potential partners, you’re becoming more attractive by showing vulnerability.
2. The need to say the right things
Ever seen a woman you wanted to talk to, gone up to her, and felt like you made a mess of yourself? We’re constantly barraged with the message that men need to be smooth and slick to get women’s’ attention.
But what if that isn’t so? Being authentic can be much more powerful than trying to find the right words. For instance, instead of trying to come up with the perfect joke, why not go up to her and say, “I happened to see you from across the street and thought you seemed interesting. I just wanted to say hi!”
That woman is, just like you, a person who has doubts, fears, and insecurities. Show your authentic self and you’re much likelier to build real rapport.
3. The need to never show any “feminine” qualities
One of the most harmful toxic masculine beliefs is that real men can’t have any of the traits that are traditionally seen as feminine (empathy, compassion, or kindness to name a few).
If you’re trying to attract women without being your authentic self, you’ll attract people who aren’t sure about their own needs and seek validation from others to feel good.
Try to detach yourself from society’s expectations about manhood. Gender specific traits are, in the end, social constructs and there are very few people who live up to those standards.
4. The need to have high status
Men who are perceived to be of higher status tend to attract women more often than others. So you need to be someone with that same status, right?
A successful man has it all. Money, a high-powered career, a big house, a beautiful car, and sleek clothes. But the truth is, status and success aren’t the same.
Of course, traditionally success means someone with a high status in society. However, it can mean so much more. Success can also mean that you are a person who is secure, confident, and happy. Most people think that those are attractive characteristics.
Let go of the need to feel you need to achieve a certain status to attract women. That’s not what most of them want.
Ultimately, we need to detach from the idea that women are only attracted to men who are manly in the traditional sense. Focus on your own growth, be authentic to yourself and others, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Those can be far more alluring traits to women than your paycheck or the size of your muscles.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock