Depression is not always the stereotypical laying in bed with the covers over your head. The way it affects the individual is different from person to person. Anyone who is dealing with depression will learn the dark and covert ways it operates. There are times it tricks you into believing you are completely in control when actually you are almost running on a depression programed auto-pilot. Your mind is telling you that the decisions you are making and the things your saying are in your best interest. The biggest obstacle, for anyone dealing with depression, to get better is admitting that you have it.
That was absolutely the case for me.
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In the weird way, this disease operates it often seems to mask itself as the exact opposite. Being an extrovert doesn’t mean you aren’t dealing with depression any more than being an introvert means that you are. Many, and dare I say most, people who are suffering with it are highly functioning members of society. They have good families, great jobs, many friends, they volunteer, and they seem extremely happy. That in itself is why the stigma around depression is so hard to break. “You have everything, why would you be depressed?”
“You have everything, why would you be depressed?”
These types of comments not only hinder recovery, they many times keep people from seeking treatment in the first place. Society makes it avoidably strenuous for us even to admit that we may have a problem in the first place. While everything looks fine or even incredible, to those on the outside, on the inside something always seems off. Internally the weight seems to be crushing us. Nothing ever seems to satisfy or ease the burden of our own minds. With every win, there is always disaster lurking around the corner, and we know it is just waiting to strike.
Success seems to be not only unattainable; but there also seems to always be a force at work to destroy us. There is always an obstacle that we will never overcome. We end up unwittingly sabotaging ourselves, our relationships, and our careers simply by not recognizing the errors that we are making. Depression is slamming doors shut without us even noticing.
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How has depression already shut the door to success?
It told you to stay quiet
One of the hardest thing for someone with depression to do is say what they want. So many discussions with my wife, family or friends I found myself completely unable to say what I needed to say. In my mind, I would be screaming the answer to the problem, but on the outside, it was complete silence. I crippled so many personal relationships just because effective communication was stopped in its tracks because of depression. Equally frustrating was on the job, in meetings being unable to speak my mind because internally I was focusing only on self-preservation. The risk was too great, if I said something, then it would be taken the wrong way. Not only would I look foolish to my peers and superiors, but I could also lose my career. Just shut up and let the others give the ideas and offer solutions. So many opportunities for further growth and development were wasted.
It told you that you couldn’t be wrong
The flip side of the staying quiet command was the infallibility complex. Constantly dealing with an internal feeling of inadequacy leads one to at times project faultlessness. Admitting any error left yourself more vulnerable than usual, so the best course of action seemed to be transitioning into an utter asshole. If I just stood my ground and projected strength, then the challenge would go away, and my ego would be left untarnished. Oddly in my mind I actually believed I was doing the right thing, that being challenged wasn’t about being right or wrong, it was about strength, manhood, and dignity. Depression disguised itself again as something else to keep control over me.
It told you that you weren’t worthy
You can’t start a business; you’re not smart enough to succeed. You can’t ask for a promotion; you don’t have the experience to do that job. You can’t ask that girl out; she’s out of your league. No matter what goal I was thinking about, I always had that voice in my mind telling me why it was impossible. No matter how many reasons I could come up with why I would succeed, there was always a reason I couldn’t there to offset it. There would even be times when I found myself reaching for a goal and achieving it only to then be in a constant state of worry that I would lose it somehow. An internal belief that what I had attained was fraudulent or some grand cosmic mistake.
It told you it wasn’t success
I was and still am my own worst critic. I have never written an article that I was happy with when I hit the submit button. There has never been a career achievement that I have made that I thought I really earned. No matter what I accomplished it was never satisfactory, someone else could have done it better, faster, or sooner. What I achieved was nothing compared to those around me. My milestones were small compared to what others were doing; I was insignificant and unimportant. Nobody cared.
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When I step back now and look at my life, I realize that I have had a ton of success. I have done some extraordinary things that I really should be proud of. Looking through a lens that isn’t clouded by depression makes life a lot more fulfilling and enjoyable. It also makes me want more. Not because I don’t think I have enough but because I want to enjoy my milestones as they happen this time.
Depression hindered me from enjoying success for far too long. I wasted a lifetime of enjoyment because I simply couldn’t allow myself to be happy. Many of you are doing that very thing right now.
It’s time to allow happiness and success in your life.
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Photo: Getty Images
Thank you for sharing this blog among us. This is a great study. Many people would haven’t heard this yet (People like me) would know about it through this blog. Depression is a serious mental disease. People of all age groups suffer from depression. The common symptoms of depression are sadness, irritation and anger without any proper reason, Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, Sleeping problems, Loss of energy or fatigue, Increased negative thinking, Suicidal tendencies, etc. One should try medication or consulting a psychic like [Martine Voyance](http://www.martine-voyance.com/tarifs/), consulting counsellors, therapists, etc are the ways one can try to fight and come… Read more »
Have a 30 years old son a third year medical student whose girl friend suddenly left him and was also withdrawn from school. He suddenly stopped talking to every one and stays in his room all the time. Your advice plse
Thanks for sharing the story. I did find it very helpful because I went through a severe depression about 6 months ago. Yes, you will get better soon if you admit to yourself that you have depression. I also have everything, family, 2 children, no reason to be depressed. In my case it started with many physical symptoms. Apparently, I may have had it for years without realizing it. Going through a major depression is a real hell, worst than cancer. I say it, because you never think will get better and it seems like the flames of eternal Hell… Read more »