5 Funniest Things About Cheaters I’ve Found

Cheaters. In their heads, they think they are slick and even somehow justified, but in reality, what we see is that their behavior is a walking contradiction filled with some really hilarious ironies. For sure, infidelity is no laughing matter especially when it happens to you, but sometimes when you take a step back you can’t help but laugh at some of the absurdities of their actions.

1. They have trust issues

I call this the ‘paranoia reversal’ because this is when they flip the script and they become paranoid, worried their partner is doing exactly what they have been up to. It is particularly amusing to me how cheaters suddenly become so paranoid as regards their innocent committed partners.

How can one who is sneaking around, suddenly start suspecting their committed partner of doing the same thing?

Soon they start going through their partners’ phones, grilling them about why they were 10 minutes late, and acting all FBI when co-workers text. It is like it doesn’t register in their minds that they are the ones breaking the trust. Of course, their paranoia is just a mirror reflecting their own guilt because they just can’t understand how anyone could be loyal when they themselves are up to no good. It is almost pure comedy watching a cheater unravel when confronted with a taste of their own medicine.

“I’m sure Mick Jagger will find someone else to be unfaithful to soon.” — Jerry Hall

2. They think their excuses are genius

It is always in the excuses. When think they have the art of lying down to a science, their excuses begin to get more comedic than clever. You have probably heard at least some versions of: “I wasn’t cheating, I was just helping a friend,” “It didn’t mean anything,” or “If you had paid more attention to me, this wouldn’t have happened!”

This last one roughly translates to, “I’m the real victim here because my emotional needs were not met.” You can just imagine the mental gymnastics required for such an excuse to seem plausible in someone’s head

It is funny when they really seem to think their excuses are foolproof when the reality is, the more absurd the excuse, the bigger the red flag. You would know what I mean if you have ever watched a comic bomb on stage: the more they talk, the worse it gets!

“I don’t know what’s worse, people who lie or people who think I am stupid enough to believe the lies!” — Source

“It is almost pure comedy watching a cheater unravel when confronted with a taste of their own medicine.”

3. They still think they’re the good guy

Another funny part about cheaters is their desperate attempt to convince themselves (and others) that they are not the bad guys. This is why you hear things like, “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” like it just magically happened over weeks or months because the universe conspired against them, pulling them helplessly into a web of lies; or “I was going through a rough patch,” like they couldn’t help that their life struggles came with a side dish of infidelity.

It is always both sad and amusing watching cheaters attempt to craft an entire narrative where they make themselves out to be the victims.

“Oh, you constantly lied to your partner, cheated on them, and then blamed it on them? You must be a victim.” — Source

4. They get offended when caught

You can’t deny that there is something almost too good about the moment a cheater is caught red-handed and then acts offended:

“You went through my phone? How dare you invade my privacy!”

The audacity is unreal, but it is laughable how quickly they shift blame, and suddenly the committed partner is the bad guy for using their detective skills and catching them in the act. Suddenly their betrayal is somehow overshadowed by the prying.

“Wanna know if your man is cheating? Grab his cell phone and run to the bathroom – if he kicks the door down, he is cheating.”– Source

5. They try leading double lives on a budget

Finally, my favorite one: the broke player! This is one of the funniest aspects of cheaters: juggling double lives on a budget. Between their sneaking around, buying gifts for their side piece(s), even attempting to reuse gifts, and then coming up with stories to cover their tracks, it feels like you are watching a poorly written script.

It serves them right to suffer the grueling logistics of keeping track of the schedules of two separate lives while trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy. However, I bet that at some point, it becomes not so much about cheating than about surviving their tangled web of contradictions. You almost feel bad for them. Well, almost!

“The worst thing about having a mistress is those two dinners you have to eat.” — Oscar Levant

I must restate that infidelity is no doubt a messy affair not to mention downright disrespectful, and it is only when you are able to take a step back and look at the bizarre behavior that often comes with it that you can’t help but see the comedy in the ensuing chaos caused by people who believe their own nonsense. Therefore, the next time you come across a cheater all caught up in their web of lies and ridiculous excuses, just know that your laughter may very well be the best revenge.

“It is funny when they really seem to think these excuses are foolproof when the reality is, the more absurd the excuse, the bigger the red flag. You would know what I mean if you have ever watched a comic bomb on stage: the more they talk, the worse it gets!”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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