When I was a teenager, I used to wonder why it seemed like the majority of the women I knew were unhappy with the men in their lives.
Then I grew up and started observing how most of my gender acts toward females. It’s unsettling to see how many guys use sex (or attraction) as the deciding factor in how they treat women. Males are great at manipulating the opposite gender all for the thrill of intercourse; to most, the conquest means more than the person. Women catch on to this, deciding to sift out the garbage boys from the men — only to encounter more boys.
This leaves them incredibly bitter, making them cynical or doubtful when they encounter any whiff of a quality guy or “male unicorn.”
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I’ve had conversations with and interviewed countless women — those in happy relationships and those with resentment toward their partner.
The happy ladies express joy for the way they “vetted” their other half before committing, while the unhappy ones expressed disdain for not looking past initial attraction or other superficial criteria that led to an “I do.” I also continuously interact with a cohort of single women who talk about the types of qualities that’ll draw them to a guy, paying special attention to what they say between the lines as well as the qualities that seem too good to be true.
The following are five subtle tests women can use to figure out what sort of character the man you’re considering committing to has; they’re a surefire way to guarantee you know who they truly are, not just who they present themselves to be.
The Children Test
An easy way to uncover what kind of character the man you’re interested in committing to has is with kids.
If you and/or your partner don’t want children, that’s perfectly okay. The focal point here isn’t about that. It’s figuring out how your prospective partner responds to children. After all, you don’t have to want kids to be good with them or kind toward them. Introduce him to the youths in your life. Sit back and observe how he interacts with and treats them.
Bad guys have no regard for children. Good guys are mostly kind. Great guys leave indelible impressions that make those kids beam at the prospect of being around them.
The Cleanliness Test
In one way or another, every unhappily married woman who’s vented about their spouse to or around me brings up the topic of cleanliness.
If it isn’t leaving pee around the toilet, it’s toothpaste in the bathroom sink, or dirty clothes on the floor (instead of a hamper), or dirty dishes piling up in the sink. Making matters worse, guys use working full-time as the justification for their lackluster tidiness levels. To avoid putting yourself in this position long-term or permanently, invite him to where you live over the weekend. Tell him your place is being staged as a model unit (works best if your place is rented) for potential customers. Then, assess his cleaning style while you two work together.
Focus less on how he cleans and more on whether or not it’s efficient and effective, paying special care to whether or not his approach will create future issues or minimize them.
The Emotional Intelligence Test
When it comes to emotional intelligence (EQ), there are a multitude of qualities worthy of being assessed.
At the epicenter of a man’s EQ toward females lie two characteristics — how patient he is and how much tenderness he exhibits. It’s easy for guys (or anyone) to show their good traits when in the honeymoon phase, things are light, etc. Displaying those attributes becomes infinitely harder during a fight, or a rut, or when emotions run high. The easiest way to gauge how deep his EQ levels are is to reflect on how he responds to those moments when your emotions are in a state of flux. The more emotionally intelligent they are, the more they make those instances about alleviating your feelings and less about taking things personally.
Besides, these two qualities directly contribute to how comfortable and safe you feel around him; why wouldn’t you want someone who embraces these fully?
The Self-Discipline Test
Self-discipline says a lot about who you are when nobody else is around.
This is incredibly important when it comes to potential partners. Like I said towards the beginning, the majority of men use sex and attraction as the primary factors determining how they treat women. If they think a female is attractive, or have a chance at sleeping with her, they’re more likely to show alluring qualities than if this isn’t the case. A guy’s discipline clues you into his truest intentions. If you can stomach it, see how long he’s willing to wait for sex (without playing any games doing so).
The longer they can wait— while still remaining interested in you — the more they like you as a person and less a means to an end.
The Self-Sufficiency Test
There are two forms of self-sufficiency worthy of attention.
There are the obvious forms — things like having a car, dwelling place, job/income, etc. These are more related to stability than self-sufficiency, as you stand to benefit from those things too (having a place to stay without paying bills, someone else to drive you around, the perks of not paying for things). The less obvious is just as essential — it all revolves around his ability to take care of himself. If he’s passionate about cooking, health and fitness, and preening, you’ve found a winner.
Men with the highest levels of self-sufficiency comprehend why both dimensions — the obvious and non-obvious — matter.
Final Thoughts
A man leans back to kiss his girlfriend on the cheek while she wraps her arms around him, smiling with her eyes closed.
If you’re reading this article and thinking to yourself, “Where am I supposed to find someone with all of this,” you aren’t wrong.
Here’s why you shouldn’t succumb to that type of thinking. The more you embody it, the more it becomes part of who you are, negatively skewing the way you view the world. I firmly believe that, for the most part, the energy we put out into the universe is what we end up receiving back. So, to attract this type of person, you have to do two things — 1) personify every quality you want in your partner while 2) not giving up on the process when things seem bleak.
Do those two things, and you’re well on your way to weeding out the male headaches from the heartthrobs, ensuring the man you commit to is worthy of that commitment.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Spencer Davis on Unsplash