I’m sure you already know what emotional intelligence is. It’s one of the hottest topics out there right now. It seems like everybody has been talking (and writing) about EI for a while.
I’m also sure you know that EI is essential to every aspect of life, let alone in relationships. As professor Psychology Dr. Mayer states:
The real question is, how can you identify an emotionally intelligent partner?
How can you know whether that person you’ve been dating for a while and think of getting serious with will prove to be an emotionally intelligent partner?
To answer this question, I decided to compile a list of five things a partner with high EI will never do to you. Whether you just started dating someone or you’ve been going out for a while, I hope you’ll find this list helpful in deciding about moving forward with your partner.
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1. They Won’t Get Stuck in Relationship Comparisons
It’s sad how many people compare their current partners to their exes, or use other people’s relationships as an example for their own.
You go out with a group of friends, and you keep hearing things like:
- “If my girlfriend was like my ex in bed, our sex life would be much more interesting.”
- “I love my boyfriend, but sometimes I can’t help but think he’s way less smart/patient/affectionate than my ex.”
- “It’s not that I’m not satisfied with my relationship but I wish my partner was more like my brother’s girlfriend!”
Now, an emotionally intelligent partner will never get stuck in relationship comparisons. They realize and understand that comparing their partner to other people is unfair, insensitive, and disrespectful.
If your partner has a high EI, expect them to accept you as you are, without trying to influence your actions and change your personality or mindset.
They also won’t compare you to their exes or to that hot model they saw on Instagram neither will they use other people’s relationships as an example for your own.
. . .
2. They Won’t Behave Insensitively
Being highly emotionally intelligent means being aware of other people’s emotions and feelings.
That awareness is an important factor that helps emotionally intelligent people respond appropriately to their partners’ feelings and not behave insensitively.
That means they’ll know how to put themselves in your shoes, show true concern about your feelings, and will never act intentionally in a way that could hurt you.
These are people who will think twice before they act, will think twice about what they’ll say to you, and will make sure to take your feelings into consideration.
. . .
3. They Won’t Blame You for Their Problems
One of the most annoying tendencies we humans have, is blaming other people for our problems — and that tendency is particularly evident in romantic relationships.
You know, it usually goes like this:
- “We would have more money if you had fewer expenses.”
- “I wouldn’t have made that mistake if you hadn’t distracted me.”
- “We would have a more meaningful relationship if you were more *insert a personality trait*.”
Here’s a harsh truth about life: you are solely responsible for your problems and you’re also the only one who can solve them. Your partner isn’t responsible for your problems and is definitely not responsible for your happiness.
People who are emotionally intelligent understand all of these things. They don’t blame other people for their problems, and especially their partners. They always own their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions — and their lives.
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4. They Will Never Stonewall You
In simple words, stonewalling means refusal to communicate or cooperate. It is an unhealthy relationship tactic that is unfortunately used on a continuum from many partners.
Psychotherapist Steven Stosny defines stonewalling as:
This might involve:
- emotional withdrawal
- refusal to answer questions or discuss an issue
- walking away from conversations and arguments
- engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors
A partner who’s emotionally intelligent, however, will never stonewall you. Having accepted the fact that conflict not only is inevitable but it is also an important element of any healthy relationship, they won’t walk away from difficult conversations.
Instead, they will listen, cooperate, and work with you to solve (if possible) any kind of problem that surfaces in your relationship.
. . .
5. They Won’t Expect Perfection
If your partner is emotionally intelligent, they will know (and accept) that perfect people as well as perfect relationships don’t exist.
That knowledge is extremely important because many relationships end due to people’s inability to accept that every relationship has its ups and downs; they prefer to date one person after the other rather than stick with an (imperfect) partner and work to make the best out of their relationship.
A partner with high EI won’t expect you or your relationship to be perfect.
They won’t complain about your flaws or your relationship’s problems. In fact, they will be perfectly okay with the fact that there will be days when things between them and you will be insanely good, and other days, which will be filled with misunderstandings, conflict, and fights.
What matters most, is to be patient and try to find a way to solve your problems — and that’s what a partner with high EI will focus on.
. . .
Final Thoughts
Humor, wit, and good looks are great, but have you ever been in a relationship with someone with high emotional intelligence?
That’s the #1 trait you should be looking for in potential partners, because relationships with people who have high EI are more healthy, stable, fulfilling, gratifying, and last longer.
And because I cannot stretch the importance of EI enough, I’m gonna end this article by quoting a paragraph from an article I recently read in HelpGuide:
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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