I am what some people refer to as an empath or Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
It has been a long time coming for me to accept that fact. While my own struggle with facing who I am inside has finally come to an end, the battle for my loved ones to accept this factor has only grown more intense. Very few people understand what it’s like to be this kind of person. They think we have a lot more control over our emotions and the resulting behaviors triggered by so, than we really do.
In fact, it is very hard to control the surge of emotional energy we are continuously absorbing from our environment. If you know someone who is a bit on the super extra-sensitive side, here are some things you need to know about coexisting with an HSP.
Don’t Call Us Crazy
Empaths are simply wired for optimum emotional reaction.
We are NOT crazy, insane, or psychotic by any means. Nor are we any other label you try to place on us because you don’t understand what it is like to be empathic. Think for a minute about how you would feel if someone around you was in a very bad mood for a long period of time and you were unable to leave the situation just because you wanted to. It would start to wear on your nerves after being unable to escape the flood of negativity for so long. Unfortunately (or, perhaps, very fortunately) for empaths, we take in more than just the bad.
We feel the Everything
We take in EVERYTHING others feel—the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly emotions others take for granted. There is no picking or choosing. We are the way we are—we are not freaks for it. This world is comprised of many types of people, and just because HSPs are a rare breed doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be taken seriously. We are probably more sane and logical underneath our outer layer of sensitivity than the most outwardly sensible person you know. So, please, whatever you do, don’t label us crazy. Try to understand instead.
Be Honest and Up Front
HSPs fuel up on the emotional charge surrounding people. They can tell by the way you approach them whether or not you are being honest and well-intentioned. You cannot come with malintent or ulterior motives and expect a HSP to give you what you want—you’re going to get ghosted. It takes so much of our energy to decipher the layers of deceit or read around the hesitation lines, that we have nothing good left to give back to your crisis or dilemma.
The more dramatic your approach, the more draining you are on our psyche and the more we will avoid you. Telling us exactly what is going on, what you need, and what your intentions are up front saves everyone a lot of time, stress, and energy. This is probably due to the fact that we tend to hate people in general because we cannot separate ourselves from the energy they bring and being fixers and healers by nature, most HSPs have a tendency to draw the negativity of others to us and rarely have anyone willing to take all the negativity off of us when our own loads are too heavy to carry.
It would be a dream come true to get the same level of respect back that we put out.
Respect Us In The Chaos
When an empath is in a room full of people, chances are they are going to wallflower themselves the majority of the time. The only exception may be if there is music they can get lost in. The energy and emotion radiating from the crowd overloads our motherboard and sends our nervous system into hyperdrive. We cannot clear our thoughts, let alone sort them out properly. With the lack of focus, we will feel foolish trying to hold a conversation for long, because we cannot follow it through. The distraction factor is high.
The intensity of the crowd can negatively impact our usually strong positive resolve, forcing us into a highly volatile emotional state of being.
The noise will seem several levels louder than it is, the lights brighter than they are, and the smells waft stronger than an average person would be able to distinguish between. We need space away from people to zone out and ground ourselves—again and again.
Do not push us to be social, make merry, or try to take center stage in any way unless we ask you to. We don’t want the spotlight, we want to help the spotlight shine on those who do. We are merely there to act as the buffers which keep the peace so everyone else can enjoy their good time. If you cannot respect our needs, don’t take us HSP’s out.
Be Sensitive Of Our Sensitivities
The term Highly Sensitive Person didn’t come from mid-air in centerfield. We are so incredibly sentient of everyone else’s emotions that we figuratively have bleeding hearts.
We take very strong stances on what we believe in and will not waver from our belief systems; to try and debate a topic in normal passing conversation is only going to end badly for both of us. Politics, war, famine, abortion, and human rights are just many things you should tread lightly around.
We want to discuss the meaning of life, the magnitude of fate, the impact of the cosmos, and the like, but we are not always as open to accepting other people’s perspectives as we are to hearing them out. Those same people aren’t always willing to hear us in the first place so we don’t waste our time talking much. We would rather go on in our own bubble of solitude than be weighted down by someone closed-minded.
Sometimes, we just need to shut down and get away from people all together for a decent period of time to shed the weight of what we’re carrying and recharge our emotional vacuum. Since we are over-analyzers, it is really important that we take this time to decompress. It is never anything personal against anyone. I think to some degree, everyone can relate to the need for peace and quiet sometimes. HSPs just prefer in to the nth degree.
As long as you remember that our passion for humanity is fuelling our empathic response, we can get along in peaceful harmony. If not, our sensitivities may become too much for either of us to bear. Be respectful and mindful of our laundry list of needs and you will get the most loyal, caring, concerning, and warm-hearted friend/partner/coworker/spouse out of the deal.
I promise you—we are so worth the extra effort.
◊♦◊
Photo: Unsplash
Read Kristina Hammer every week here on The Good Men Project!
HSPs and empaths are not the same thing.
Both fall under the same category of classification and are grouped together in the info I have come across on the subject on my own and by mental health professionals. Many of the traits between the two are similar so that the advice given pertains to them both. By no means is this supposed to be an article used to diagnose anyone.
Thanks for this. Very helpful. After a two week trip to NYC. I needed a week of solitude and naps to recover. Hard to not beat myself up about needing so much time to recover, but…there you have it.