Why make promises if you’re planning to break them? Why give someone hope of a better, happier future when you’re planning on taking it away?
I never understood why people would cheat on the ones they love most.
Cheating is a choice. Being in a relationship is also a choice. You chose to make your relationship exclusive and monogamous. But you also chose to lie, sneak around and break the promises you made. You broke your partner’s trust and heart.
At no point did someone hold a gun to your head. No one forced you to do something you didn’t want to do.
So why make promises if you’re only planning to break them? Why give someone hope of a better, happier future when you’re only planning on taking it away? Why are you so cruel?
I understand people can make these mistakes when they’re young and foolish. But when we’re older and wiser, cheating is no longer a mistake; it’s a conscious decision we make, and we know the consequences.
You’re choosing to hurt the person who has dedicated his or her heart to you. But cheating isn’t just about sleeping with another, is it? Cheating on your life partner goes far beyond sex alone.
There are several factors that define a relationship and make it a true and loving one.
When any single one of these factors isn’t upheld — when any one of them is broken — that’s us deciding not to hold up our end of the bargain. It’s us deciding not to play our part in the relationship. It’s us deciding that our attention, affection, care, love and time would be better spent on someone else.
Cheating on the one you love doesn’t always involve sex. Sleeping around may take the cake, but people cheat on their lovers in hundreds of ways every day. None of these make it to the bedroom.
Most of the time, a third party isn’t even involved. We cheat when we act dishonestly to gain an advantage or to deprive the one we love of what we owe.
Yes, that’s right. If you’re in a relationship, you owe something to the person you proclaim to love.
We cheat all the time, and usually it has nothing to do with sex.
1. You ignore your partner’s calls or texts.
You neglect to call and/or text back. There’s only one good reason to ever be in a relationship. It also happens to be the only reason relationships ever manage to work. And it’s for the companionship.
We live in a world where we’re almost entirely alone. We spend most of our lives either physically alone or mentally detached from those around us.
Life can be a very lonely place — scary even, like when we feel like we need someone to be there for us and can’t find anybody around.
It’s safe to assume the person you are dating is dating you for companionship. Your partner wants you to share each other’s experiences and in each other’s excitement. Your partner expects that you will relieve each other of pain and loneliness.
So being ignored by the person you love hurts like hell. It makes you worry about your partner’s safety and the relationship itself. It’s stressful, painful and all-around unpleasant.
And all this from someone who is supposed to add to your life? From someone you trust and love? Does this not sound like cheating?
2. You cancel dates for no real reason.
Sometimes, we cancel plans because we want to do something else and don’t want to hurt our partners by telling them.
And a boys’ night or girls’ night is an occasional must. Sometimes we cancel because we just need some time alone — some time to ourselves. It’s understandable.
But why not be honest? Why not tell your person that you want to see your friends? Why not say you need some time to collect your thoughts?
I understand these reasons don’t always fly well, but our partners will have to deal with them if they want the relationship to work.
Both people in a relationship need to recognize they are their own people. Allow each other to live separate lives as well as the one you share.
Otherwise, you’re going to spend your relationship lying, deceiving each other and pretending to be people you’re not.
You’re going to put up with a lover who constantly disappoints you. Reasons quickly become excuses, and excuses quickly become lies.
3. You make the relationship all about you.
Love is often and easily abused. It’s wonderful knowing you have someone in your life who is willing to do just about anything for you. But people take advantage of their partners’ devotion. They conclude that their lovers will do everything for them.
But even if your partner doesn’t mind, that’s not the point. You should mind.
Your partner isn’t here to do your bidding. Your partner isn’t here just to make you feel better, to make you happier or to keep you smiling. You’re both here for the same reason: to help each other.
You need to keep a balance in the relationship, and you do this by giving equally. When you allow your partner to give more than you do, you’re cheating your lover out of what he or she deserves.
4. You don’t genuinely care or want to make things work.
You make empty promises you won’t ever keep. You always promise and never deliver. You say whatever it is you need to say, and you do the minimum work to keep the other person around.
Here’s the thing with relationships: If you’re in one, you either care about this person and what you share, or you don’t. There’s no grey area. There’s no “I sort of/sometimes care.”
This person loves you and wants to spend eternity with you. If you’re leading on your partner by saying you feel the same way, that’s cheating.
I know some people enjoy being in relationships simply for the sake of being in them. What I don’t understand is how you could be so cruel as to make someone believe you care when, in fact, you don’t.
How can you watch your partner struggle to make things work and know that no matter what he or she does, you’re going to jump ship anyway?
5. You let your partner plan your future together while you’re secretly planning a separate one.
This one is the worst. It disgusts me. It’s one thing to pretend you’re there for someone now, today, in the moment.
But it’s another thing entirely to promise someone you’re committed for the future when you are not.
Early in the relationship, this mistake isn’t as much of a risk. But if you drag out a relationship you know will fail and bring it to a point where things become serious — if you still lie to your partner’s face and promise a life together — you are a piece of sh*t.
You’re a gutless piece of sh*t. If you’re letting someone plan your future together and create dreams you know you will destroy, and you find no problem with this, then you’re a bad person. Or, at the very least, you’re acting like a horrible one.
My heart breaks when I even imagine doing such a thing to someone.
Also, what’s the point? So that you can avoid having an unpleasant conversation down the line? So that you avoid feeling bad about yourself?
You’re deceiving someone who loves you and who is unprepared for the conversation you know is coming. You leave your partner lost, confused and heartbroken. That’s more than just cheating. That’s cruelty.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
By Paul Hudson
Photo credit: Getty Images