6 Subtle Acts That Instantly Make You More Likeable

Why should we care about being more likeable?

Because likeable people more likely to get hired or promoted. And perhaps more importantly, they find it a lot easier to form and maintain relationships.

Why are relationships so important? According to one 75-year Harvard study, quality relationships are the bedrock of a happy and successful life.

Some recent findings suggest sharing how stressed you are can make people like you. But I prefer to keep it simple.

Here are six subtle actions that will help make you more likeable.

1. Use Your Earholes

Most people hear, but don’t listen. Are you one of them?

Studies have shown that while 96% of people think they’re a fantastic listener, most only retain around 50% of what they hear.

But it’s easy to improve, and the impact on our relationships can be hugely positive. Simply:

Maintain eye contact, and nod your head to show you’re listening
Ask questions and show an interest
Don’t start planning what you’re doing to say in response
Fight the urge to offer opinions or suggestions, and instead ask questions and give them the space to elaborate
Summarise and paraphrase

People are more likely to listen to you too if they feel you’re paying attention to them. Everyone wins!

2. Take an Interest (And Be More Interesting)

Everyone wants to feel like they’re interesting. And most people believe they’re unique. Because their experiences are extremely personal.

When we ask questions, we’re showing we are interested in other people. And studies have shown it makes us more likeable too!

A golden rule of good writing is knowing that people rarely read your stuff because it’s about you. Really, they want to know what’s in it for them.

“To be interesting, be interested”

Dale Carnegie talked about this in his book How to win friends and influence people. Though there have been tons of articles, books, lectures, and gurus since then, this one piece of advice has stood the test of time. Why? Because it works.

People will be more interested in you if you’re interested in them.

3. Go to Bat and Do a Few Solids

Yes OK, here comes captain obvious. “Do stuff for people and they’ll like you”. But wait! We might all think this one’s common sense, but ask yourself honestly: when was the last time you helped someone out?

I don’t mean something huge, and I don’t mean your closest friends. When was the last time you did something nice for an acquaintance, or even a stranger?

You don’t have to go completely out of your way, but it’s nice if you can show that you care enough to at least offer.

Whether helping someone with the door, or picking up the slack on a colleague’s workload, the key is to soften the burden in someone’s life.

A little goes a long way.

4. Drop The Façade

Don’t try to be someone you’re not. People respect authenticity. They don’t like feeling tricked or misled.

If you’re projecting what you perceive people will like, you’re going to exhaust yourself. We can’t keep up this act forever. We’ll eventually become exhausted, resentful, and potentially even lose touch with who we really are.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde

By being your authentic self, you’re inviting people to like you as you are. You’re also giving them permission for them to be themselves. And in a world where so many are sucked into social media and its performative ills, it’s refreshing when we can surround ourselves with some authenticity. And remove the pressure to be some idealised version of ourselves or what we think other people want us to be.

“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.” — Frank Zappa

5. Carry Yourself Well

For years I had terrible posture. It was so bad at one point that I’d basically fold myself over in my chair. Not only was it painful, it gave of some serious ‘don’t come near me’ vibes.

Nowadays I sit up straight, shoulders back, and not slouching.

Positive, open body language will make you more approachable… to an extent. You don’t want to overdo it. Too much flinging arms around and spreading out can also seem like somewhere between a loose cannon and dominant behaviour.

Sure, you’ll have bad days. And that’s absolutely OK. But if you’re always walking around looking grumpy and angry, don’t be surprised if you’re not getting invited to a lot of birthday parties.

6. Laugh. A Lot

People want to smile. It makes us feel good. And if you’re someone who’s naturally playful, and enjoys a good ribbing, people will want to be around you.

When you’re laughing, you’re showing the world that you appreciate a good time, and know how to have one. People will recognise that you’re someone who can help them with their own happiness. Because we’re drawn to the light.

And it’s just as important to not take yourself too seriously too. People who are able to laugh at themselves are instantly likeable because it shows they’re humility and their playfulness.

We enjoy a little teasing. And those who tease themselves and us are showing we can drop our guard a little. We’re inspired to also not take ourselves too seriously.

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Just Don’t Forget to Learn to Like Yourself Too

The best thing you can do is live your life in a way that makes you like who you are.

Of course everyone wants to be more likeable. But how can we expect others to like us if we can’t like ourselves?

Be someone you’re proud of. Decide on your values and live in line with them. You’ll slip from time to time, but that’s just proof you’re human. And being able to honestly and openly admit these slips just makes you more relatable, and therefore likeable

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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