She needs to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what happens, she has you and she will not have to go it alone.
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Whether this is your first time becoming a dad or your seventh, you know pregnancy can bring on all sorts of irrational emotions, behaviors, and even cravings. As much as everything is changing for you, trust me, it’s even worse for women. Every woman and every pregnancy are different, but there is something that every pregnant woman has to deal with: inappropriate comments.
Most of the time, inappropriate questions or comments come from strangers, but sometimes, the wrong thing slips out of the mouth of a loved one. Don’t be that guy. Here are six phrases you will want to say that you should not say to your expecting significant. Please note, this list in not conclusive. Always use discretion and tread lightly.
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“Wow, you’re getting huge.”
I know, I know. You mean she’s getting a huge pregnant belly, not that her rear end is now the size of a Cadillac. You would never tell a woman, especially the one that is carrying your child, that she’s getting fat. Even though you are only commenting on the growth that is both expected and normal, she is feeling anything but normal. Having your body change in shape and size so rapidly is strange. The body, your partner, has had for years is suddenly completely different, and much larger than she is comfortable with. She doesn’t need you to point it out.
Bonus tip: Tell her she looks pretty. Period.
“No thanks, I don’t want to hear about the details of childbirth.”
Birthing a child is weird. It is scary, painful, and the most unnatural, natural thing that can happen to a person. She knows you don’t want to hear about it just as much as she wants to pretend it isn’t going to happen, but you are both out of luck on this one. If the mother of your child wants to talk about the details, man up and listen. Or at least appear to be listening.
Bonus tip: Do not Google “episiotomy.” Use a book, preferably one without pictures, if you need a definition.
“Are you allowed to eat that?”
This is another one of those phrases that you should probably avoid saying to your woman throughout your life together, not just during her pregnancy. Pregnant women have a long list of dos and don’ts and avoids and limits. She doesn’t need you to second guess everything she eats and drinks.
Bonus tip: Become familiar with what she can eat and what she needs to avoid. Suggesting her favorite sushi restaurant will backfire.
“You have to pee again?”
You think it’s annoying to have to stop and find a bathroom for your wife every 15 minutes? Try having a baby use your bladder as a trampoline, and then you can talk about annoying. Sometimes, due to the position of the baby, it will be hard for your wife to completely empty her bladder. So, yes, she has to pee. Again.
Bonus tip: When passing a clean and convenient bathroom, politely ask your wife if she needs to stop. Then get her a snack.
“You’re acting crazy.”
Because women who show feelings are labeled as “crazy,” they spend most of their life trying to hide the crazy and appear rational. Referring to your wife’s behavior as “crazy” is validating a fear she has been carrying around since middle school. If you feel your wife is acting as if an alien is growing inside her and taking over, don’t point it out. That alien thing is literally happening.
Bonus tip: Do not blame her crazy on hormones. That could be the end of it for you.
“I don’t think you need to worry about a birth plan. Just let the doctors do what they do.”
This may sound like a rational thing to a person not in possession of a medical license to say, but that is not the point. Giving birth is scary. Thinking about giving birth is scary. Your wife needs to feel like she can be in control of at least a part of it and she needs to know you have her back. She isn’t looking to you for medical advice, but she does need to be reassured that you are going to be her advocate during childbirth. She needs to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that no matter what happens, she has you and she will not have to go it alone.
Bonus tip: Embrace the birth plan but remember things can quickly change during childbirth If things go off script, remind your wife of the goal: a healthy mom and baby.
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Photo: Flickr/ Brian Wolfe
Dear Abbie, Wow… Men actually say these things out loud to the women they impregnate? And whats more… Men need this article to know not to say these things (out loud) to the mother of their child? Meaning, they would have said them but for this article that has now spared these women of this “alien thing that is literally happening”??? I am so blessed to have never allowed my womb to be contaminated by the type of filth that would say this to a woman carrying LIFE inside of her. I am sorry if your husband put you through… Read more »