Men who live life differently often run into these tough double standards.
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American culture is rife with bias against women, minorities and LGBT people. So much so, that it’s easy to forget that there is also damaging bias against men.
Here are seven double standards that hurt men (and women). They’re made to retweet with one click!
These double standards are seemingly simple, but the prohibitions that lie behind them are complex and far-reaching. They effect how we men are encouraged to raise our children, what we are expected to provide to our partners, how we are expected to spend our time, and what we are allowed to show of our emotional selves.
There have always been rules by which American men are expected to behave like “real men.” These rules are referred to as Living in the Man Box. Charlie Glickman explains it beautifully here.
We need to define manhood as a much wider-ranging set of options and possibilities. If we don’t, the Man Box will continue to enforce limited options and limited lives for men and women alike.
To learn how the rules of Man Box are actually killing the men we love, read: Why Traditional Manhood is Killing Us.
Double Standard #1 (With thanks to Lisa Duggan)
7 Double Standards that Hurt Men (and Women) – http://t.co/4vIpKfAMxu @GoodMenProject pic.twitter.com/GfwnIGxqrx
— Mark Greene (@megaSAHD) May 18, 2015
Double Standard #2
7 Double Standards that Hurt Men (and Women) – http://t.co/4vIpKfAMxu via @GoodMenProject pic.twitter.com/ukVLJ92PO0 — Mark Greene (@megaSAHD) May 18, 2015
Double Standard #3
7 Double Standards that Hurt Men (and Women) – http://t.co/4vIpKfAMxu via @GoodMenProject pic.twitter.com/TddwSwEvH8
— Mark Greene (@megaSAHD) May 18, 2015
Double Standard #4
7 Double Standards that Hurt Men (and Women) – http://t.co/4vIpKfAMxu via @GoodMenProject pic.twitter.com/BKnc7dBISC — Mark Greene (@megaSAHD) May 18, 2015
Double Standard #5
7 Double Standards that Hurt Men (and Women) – http://t.co/4vIpKfAMxu via @GoodMenProject pic.twitter.com/APq96eUYNA
— Mark Greene (@megaSAHD) May 18, 2015
Double Standard #6 (With thanks to Theresa Byrne)
7 Double Standards that Hurt Men (and Women) – http://t.co/4vIpKfAMxu via @GoodMenProject pic.twitter.com/gSQ9EOHoei — Mark Greene (@megaSAHD) May 18, 2015
Double Standard #7 (With thanks to Luke Davis)
7 Double Standards that Hurt Men (and Women) – http://t.co/4vIpKfAMxu via @GoodMenProject pic.twitter.com/EVHYW6Y9BE
— Mark Greene (@megaSAHD) May 18, 2015
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Read more by Mark Greene:
A Manifesto: Relational Intelligence For Our Children
Helping Our Children Create a Lifetime of Vibrant Relationships
The Ugly and Violent Death of Gender Conformity
Why Are Death Rates Rising for Middle Aged White Americans?
When Men Keep Demanding Sex From Their Partners Over and Over
How the Man Box Can Kill Our Sons Now or Decades from Now
Why Traditional Manhood is Killing Us
Why Do We Murder the Beautiful Friendships of Boys?
How America’s Culture of Shame is a Killer for Boys
The Culture of Shame: Men, Love, and Emotional Self-Amputation
The Man Box: Why Men Police and Punish Others
The Man Box: The Link Between Emotional Suppression and Male Violence
The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer
Touch Isolation: How Homophobia Has Robbed All Men of Touch
Boys and Self-Loathing: The Conversations That Never Took Place
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Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash. Memes created by Mark Greene.
Are there more?
A woman who gets angry is a ‘problem’
A man who gets angry is ‘justified’.
A man who can’t change a flat tire is ‘useless’
A woman who can’t change a flat tire is fine.
No, a man who gets angry is “crazy” (dangerous, may as well exaggerate the danger, and be sure, in our Feminine paranoia about security). A woman who gets angry (or domestically-violent) is ‘justified’. A man seeking counselling, gets the same allocation as a woman – whilst women NATURALLY share and counsel each other, and lying that men are about to start doing so, sharing secrets, is a delusion. Thus, men are discriminated-against by pseudo-equality, yet again. Lying-by-omission is still lying. Lying about human nature, in this regard, is a lie-of-omission. A conscious decision. Of course, lies have to be maintained,… Read more »
Such a good article!
There is nothing wrong with masculinity and never has been. What has happened is that Feminist (gender Marxist) social engineering has created a toxic environment for men, and also for women.
Women do care about men’s appearance, and dozens of other things too.
I will only date women who are in good shape. You can consider that shallow if you choose to, but I am very active at 52… long distance cycling, surfing, snowboarding, hiking, kayaking, traveling, etc. I want a woman who wants to live life, not sit on the couch and watch the garbage on TV. To me, a woman who keeps herself in shape is a woman who values her health and takes pride in herself. A woman like that, is also looking for a man who takes care of himself. So if you choose to sit around, pound beers… Read more »
That’s mighty nice of ya Big guy … Let me guess … You’re divorced .. Your ex is raising the kids while you go to work to make the money .. You use your free time to work out .. Shop slowly thru the organic food isle .. You sleep peacefully in a nice big bed with crisp clean sheets and your anal retentive to the 100th degree .. You wake up early each day and go for a nice run / jog before coming home for coffee you brewed yourself .. Put your clothes in the hamper and wipe… Read more »
You made like 20 different assumptions then criticised your imaginery version of him, I can see who is not being touched with a 10 foot anything.
Ha yeah don’t we all. Even if you find what you are looking for, she will jump onto the couch right after the honeymoon. Keep fighting the good fight my man.
Agreed with all except the final one which I must comment on. The truth is that MOST men place far more expectations on womens appearance than MOST women do on men. One only has to look at ‘mens magazines ‘ and porn to see what look men pay for and ‘use’ The average healthy body of the wife and mother of their children is not what men seek. The seek the bodies of women in their late teens and twenties who have never carried babies . It seems this tendency is common with men regardless of their age. On top… Read more »
Del,
It’s really going to be hard to support a generalization like the one you are making. Man and women alike carry a lot of simplistic ideas about human beauty and what is attractive. Women, like men, can be very shallow. Don’t forget the millions of girls staring at Teen Beat magazines and the like. Where we get our images of ideal beauty, porn or People Magazine, doesn’t change the fact that we all carry those ideas.
Yes, lets try to stifle the fact that we are designed by evolution to be attracted to the very traits you described.
Never heard half of these before except from other men. Men need to question their beliefs about themselves. Time to start talking about changing cultural roles to benefit men and their children.
You’ve lifted a fortuitously sheltered life then, John. I envy you.
Speaking of #5 check this out.
http://reason.com/blog/2015/05/21/man-helps-boy-retrieve-ball-dont-worry-t
Man helps little boy retrieve ball, police are investigating.
Yeah, number 7 is quite common. Dealt with that online last night in a chat room.
She was pretty blatant about it.
So I don’t feel guilty anymore when I say I want someone blonde and with good figure. lol.
Angelguy
Short , sweet , and to the point. These 7 (and many more) are the ‘Brick and Mortar’ of the ‘Man Box’!
I agree with all of these *except* #7. Most women don’t think they deserve a tall, fit man. Most men think they deserve and can acquire a tall, fit, woman. Just sayin’.
As a short heavy-set guy all my life…… That is BS. “You’re too short for me” was common when I was dating….even from women that were 6″ shorter than I was. Along with the you’d be perfect if you were 6″ taller comments…… Hell, my MIL told my wife to throw me back because we were the same 5’7″ and “a woman can’t be happy if her man isn’t taller than her”. #7 is a extremely real life, lived experience for billions of men.
Tell that to all the women that have said they don’t want to date fat guys. In my experience men are much more open to different body types that women.
Hi Danny
Yes I think you are right.
And women are more tolerant of aging men.
I wonder if many men feel they loose status if they date wome older than them selve. Lots of men like women in all ages for a fling but not so much for a comitted relationship,
http://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/may/21/maggie-gyllenhaal-too-old-hollywood
I think both are a matter of conditioning from gender roles. Women being more open to men who are older on the grounds that women are expected to look for a man that can provide for them. An older man is more established and grounded and can provide a more stable environment. Men being more open to women of varying body types on the ground that men are expected to be ruled by their hormones and want as much sex with as many women as possible. Being open to a wider variety of body types adds up to (hopefully) more… Read more »
Let’s be honest, That pattern is set near the start of dating age for most of us. Girls in HS want boys that have cars and other resources….. older boys. When boys start dating on average they are outclassed at it by older guys… So they date down in age…..a pattern that holds for most of us over a lifetime. But also typically a fairly narrow 5 year spread with women dating up -1/+4 and men dating down -4/+1. Women get advantage early, men get it later.
Trey1963,
What kind of advantage are you talking about?
There’s actaully studies showing the biggest fear for blind dating for men is that the woman will be fat. Where the biggest fear for women is that the man will be a serial killer.
so Idk if the whole “men are more accepting of more body types” thing is true.
Is that a study or a repurposed Margaret Atwood quote?
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”
It’s also not particularly reliable, as not every man is most afraid of being laughed at, nor is every woman a Schrodinger’s Rapist fan (mercifully).
I’d be curious of these studies. I know that Margaret Atwood has a quote relating to that but even then she didn’t use a study to get to that conclusion, she asked her male and female friends.
And yeah I’d say it might be true because of the guys I’ve hung around with in my life.
Since when did Margaret Atwood quotes become “actual studies?”
But are the women who turn down dates in the first place, as they have more attention and options than men.
Freddie, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
Women are about as shallow as men are.
The difference is men get slammed for being shallow, while women get away with acting like butter wouldn’t melt.
Nothing to “disagree with.” The article doesn’t say that all women expect it, just that when they expect it it’s a sign of self-esteem, and when a man expects it, he’s objectifying. Is it that hard for people to read what’s written without going off on a tear about what they think is written instead?
Keep the conversation going on the man box, Mark. This is a far more important topic than culturally we are led to believe. It will have far reaching effects for future generations of boys and eventially men as well of course for women.
Another variant on #5, about the playground:
A woman taking her kid to the park is parenting.
A man taking his kid to the park is babysitting. (“Must be mom’s day off.”)
This cartoon contains a good one.
http://tobylaura.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/s-kelley.jpg