7 Rare Signs Your Love’s Real

Being a part of a couple does not always guarantee the feeling of true intimacy. Intimacy at a soul-deep level is a complicated matter that most of us struggle to understand and even to experience. However, it is a critical component of any healthy relationship, so it’s worth getting yourself more comfortable with the topic.

Most relationships look good on the surface (and many of them even look great on Instagram), but only a few stand out as truly exceptional. Psychology suggests that rare, lasting partnerships aren’t built on perfection or being compatible in every single area there is to be compatible — it’s more about a handful of powerful qualities that make partners feel safe and secure for the long haul.

If your relationship has these 7 qualities, psychology says it’s one of the rare ones:

1. Knowledge

First, deeply intimate partners have extensive personal, often confidential, knowledge about each other: Favorite foods, color preferences, family issues, and all the details of the other’s lifestyle are things we might be quite familiar with.

Knowing someone deeply is one of the important signs of intimacy. Research by renowned American psychologist John Gottman and the Gottman Institute found that couples who could accurately describe their partner’s inner world, daily stresses, and life goals were more likely to maintain stable, satisfying relationships over time.

2. Interdependence

Depending on someone else is what scares many people from entering into a serious relationship. But it is also indicative of the degree of closeness in a couple.

Deeply intimate partners consider each other’s plans, and they compromise schedules and preferences to reach a consensus. Having your life intertwined with that of someone else means affecting and influencing what the other person does and how they feel.

3. Carie

It seems obvious that to be intimate with someone, you have to care for them. But sometimes it is that particular element that fades away in long-term relationships and compromises the quality of true closeness in a couple.

We never actually overcome the need to be cared for. It is primal and it is the closest affect to love. Research on daily relationship processes shows that small acts of caring, including remembering preferences, offering comfort, and showing interest in a partner’s experiences, can accumulate to create strong relationship bonds.

4. Trust

Trust is not only about staying committed to your partner. In deeply intimate couples, trust is about being sure that the other would not ever hurt you intentionally. You can risk being vulnerable with your partner and retain the feeling of basic safety.

Studies have consistently found that trust levels strongly predict relationship satisfaction and stability. High-trust couples report greater intimacy, more effective communication, and better conflict resolution. They’re also more likely to engage in relationship-promoting behaviors like forgiveness and accommodation during disagreements.

5. Responsiveness

Rowland Miller, an expert on intimate relationships from Sam Houston State University, writes that, “intimacy increases when people believe that their partners understand, respect, and appreciate them, being attentively and effectively responsive to their needs and concerned for their welfare.”

Responsiveness is powerfully rewarding, and the perception that our partners recognize, understand, and support our needs and wishes is a core ingredient of our very best relationships. Responsiveness is an important ingredient of our attachment style and is a major factor in a child’s emotional growth.

6. Mutuality

As close ties develop in the course of love, people start to sense that their personality is overlapping with that of their partner. The famous shift from ”I” to ”us” begins to take place, and it is a sign of the connection growing stronger.

The inclusion of “other” in your Self is one of the bravest gestures of intimacy. It means allowing oneself to be changed by someone else, and for the sake of someone else.

7. Commitment

In order for an intimate relationship to last, it takes the time and effort of both partners to make it work in the long run. The romantic idea of love, which happens on its own once you have found your person, is outdated and unsupported by both science and experience. It is investing your resources daily and not taking the other person for granted that will help your couple thrive.

You don’t have to obtain everything on the checklist for intimate happiness to be present. Love comes in different shapes and colors, of course, but it is helpful to keep in mind what it takes to sustain a long-term relationship.

At the end of the day, rare relationships don’t have to be perfect — perfection is impossible — it just needs to be consistent with a strong foundation of love that you can build from. If you’ve found something like this, treasure it and recognize that what you have is something truly uncommon.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.