Your relationship beliefs matter because what you believe about a relationship is also what you bring into it.
Whether consciously or subconsciously, your beliefs shape your actions, attitudes, and expectations within a relationship.
Between Hollywood movies, unrealistic TV shows, and misguided advice floating around by “relationship gurus”, you’re bombarded with so-called “truths” about relationships that promise fairy-tale endings but often lead to disappointment and heartache instead.
In this article, we’ll debunk seven widespread relationship “truths” that are secretly sabotaging your love life.
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“Love conquers all”
You know that feeling when you’re head over heels in love with someone and think nothing can tear you apart?
Well, your brain is lying to you — by releasing a cocktail of chemicals and hormones.
No matter what the Beatles tell you, love is not all you need. As much as love is powerful, it’s not a magic fix for everything. Ιt takes more than just love to navigate through the tough stuff.
The moral of the story: While love is undoubtedly important in a relationship, believing that it can overcome any obstacle or issue may lead to ignoring significant problems or tolerating unhealthy behavior.
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“If it’s meant to be, it will work out”
Hollywood movies are to blame for the permanence of the classic “meant to be” belief.
While fate and destiny sound romantic, relationships actually require a lot of hard work and dedication.
This belief can lead to complacency and a lack of effort in actively nurturing and maintaining your relationship. Waiting around for things to magically fall into place might leave you waiting forever. Instead, it’s wiser to take an active role in shaping your relationship and work together to overcome obstacles and build a future you both want.
The moral of the story: Don’t sit back and wait for fate to intervene — take the reins and create the love story you want to live.
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“The honeymoon phase should last forever”
Ah, the honeymoon phase — the stuff of fairy tales! While it’s magical, it’s also temporary.
Believing that this phase should last forever leads to disappointment and unrealistic expectations about the natural way relationships progress. As relationships mature, they naturally evolve into something deeper and more meaningful. And even though the butterflies may fade, the love and connection you share with your partner can continue to grow stronger over time.
Instead of mourning the end of the honeymoon phase, why not celebrate the transition into a deeper level of intimacy and understanding? After all, it’s during this phase that you truly get to know each other — flaws, quirks, and all — and build a foundation of genuine trust.
The moral of the story: Cherish the memories of the honeymoon phase, but embrace the beauty of what comes after — the depth, the comfort, and the joy of sharing your life with someone who truly knows you.
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“Happy couples never argue”
Let’s get real — every couple argues from time to time.
It’s completely normal and, actually, as psychologists argue, is also healthy. Avoiding conflict might seem like the peaceful route, but it can actually lead to pent-up frustration and unresolved issues.
Arguing isn’t a sign of a failing relationship. When approached constructively, disagreements can be opportunities for growth and understanding. They allow you and your partner to express your needs, boundaries, and concerns.
Follow what I call the L-E-S method — listen, express, seek.
The moral of the story: Don’t fear the occasional argument — embrace it as a chance to strengthen your relationship and learn more about each other.
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“My partner should fulfill all my needs”
Your partner is your companion, not your sole source of fulfillment.
It’s easy to get caught up in the fairy tale idea that your partner should be your knight in shining armor or your fairy godmother, but the truth is, it’s not fair to put all that pressure on them.
Relying solely on your partner to fulfill all your emotional, social, and physical needs can create an unhealthy dependency and place unrealistic expectations on the relationship. Friends, family, and personal hobbies can help fulfill some of those needs.
It’s also important to take responsibility for meeting your own needs and cultivating a sense of independence and self-reliance.
The moral of the story: Expecting one person to meet all your needs is a recipe for disappointment. There are multiple other areas you can turn to to find a sense of fulfillment.
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“A good relationship should be effortless”
I guess it would be nice if relationships were always smooth sailing.
But life isn’t a rom-com. Every relationship has its bumps and hurdles.
While it’s true that a healthy relationship should feel natural and comfortable most of the time, it’s also important to recognize — and accept — that maintaining a strong connection requires work, effort, and compromise.
There will always be challenges; it’s not always easy, but putting in the effort to communicate, compromise, and navigate through the tough stuff together, that’s what really strengthens your bond.
The moral of the story: Don’t stress if things aren’t always smooth sailing. Accept the challenges and learn from them.
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“Jealousy is a sign of love”
Romantic jealousy isn’t 100% bad.
Research shows that occasional jealousy can be healthy It shows that you care about your relationship and fear losing your partner.
But thinking it’s some kind of proof of how much you care? That’s where things get a bit dicey.
In reality, jealousy can often stem from insecurities or past experiences, not from genuine love. Trust and communication? Those are the real building blocks of a healthy relationship.
The moral of the story: If you feel that green-eyed monster creeping in more often than it should, take a step back and ask yourself where it’s really coming from. Maybe there’s something deeper going on that needs addressing. Because a strong, secure relationship is built on trust, not on jealousy.
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We have been, and continue to be, bombarded with unrealistic portrayals of romance and idealized notions of what a perfect relationship should look like.
These media representations often glorify dramatic gestures and happily-ever-after endings, painting an incomplete and sometimes harmful picture of real-life relationships.
Many of us internalize these depictions and develop unrealistic expectations of what love should be. We start to believe that jealousy is a sign of love, conflicts should be resolved neatly, and happily-ever-afters are guaranteed. But the reality is far more nuanced.
When we measure our relationships against the unattainable standards set by media portrayals, we set ourselves up for disappointment and dissatisfaction. Relationships require effort, compromise, and acceptance of imperfection. They involve highs and lows, triumphs and setbacks.
By embracing the messiness and imperfections of real-life love, we can rewrite the narrative of love for ourselves and create relationships that reflect the complexities of the human experience.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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