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For most of us, we aim to raise kids that people can get along with. Children who don’t feel entitled to the best things life has to offer just because. You know, those ones that feel they should get this or that at the snap of their fingers. Those who grew up hearing, “you are special, you can get ANYTHING you want,” or “you are a prince/princess.”
Don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling your kids that they are special.
However, it can quickly become a problem when they start acting rude or bossy to other children and adults. It’s not as simple as it sounds to strike that balance between special and “too special.” Also, good manners seem to come easily to some children while others struggle.
Now, even if they get away with whatever they want while they are with you, what about when they grow older and have to interact with other people? Or when they go off to college? When they enter the workplace? How do they cope when they realize they are not so special after all?
Do you think everyone they meet will be as tolerant as you are? Probably not!
Understanding the fundamentals of manners at an early age will help your children get that great personality that will allow them live comfortably in this world.
Here are seven tips that will aid you in getting the best out of your kids.
#1 Be a role model.
While no one expects you to be a perfect parent, it’s not that difficult to bring up children who are happy, humble and have a healthy disposition to work. Therefore it is your solemn duty to lead by example in modeling the kind of manners that you want your children to adopt.
Always use words like “please” and “thank you” for showing gratitude when you receive something, especially when it’s your child giving.
#2 Teach polite words early.
Even from the age of two, children can learn to say words like please and thank you. When asking your child to do something, start with ‘please’ and close with ‘thank you.’ Granted, they may not understand the meaning of these words but they will learn that the phrase is important because their parents use them a lot and have a friendly facial expression when they say these words.
Later they will get to understand as they grow.
#3 Expose them to the less fortunate.
Even though your kids may still be too young to feel empathy for those with less, they can indeed show sympathy and begin to appreciate what they’ve got.
Exposing your children to charitable events not only makes them have a great personality but also enables them to understand that their privileged circumstances could change. By encouraging your children to donate, they will learn there will always be less fortunate people around thus helping them grow up with a grateful attitude.
#4 Correct them politely
Sometimes our children disappoint us when they misbehave or make mistakes. Yours may be perfect but I know mine are not. Using words like ‘you are lazy’ may make the child less helpful and they may not make any attempt to learn from their mistakes.
Instead, you may use words like ‘you are acting lazy.’ Always keep your voice low (very hard, I know) look the child straight in the eye and put your hands on their shoulders during your talk. These gestures will make them understand that you are correcting him/her because you care.
#5 Reward good behavior.
Rewarding good manners by expressing your excitement and appreciation is as important as rewarding his/her academic achievement. Show them that you’re proud and pleased, and this will give them a sense of wanting to do more.
Remember that rewarding good behavior does not have to be gift or cash-based. In fact, I don’t particularly like the idea of rewarding children with money too often.
#6 Don’t give in to their every whim.
As the children grow older, they need to understand that the universe doesn’t revolve around them, and others also need a chance. For instance, let them wait until you’re done doing something before you play with them.
When you give them everything they want, just because other kids have it, how will they learn the power of delayed gratification? This is becoming a problem these days especially among Millenials: many are choosing to stay unemployed because they can’t tolerate having a boss.
Even when they decide to “endure” a boss, they just can’t get along with other staff or their teammates.
They’d rather just stay without employment or spend the best decades of their lives as “wantrepreneurs” of course with frequent financial bail-outs from mom and dad.
So, then, what happens when mom and dad are no more around to give those handouts? Not a pretty picture at all.
#7 Let them give gifts to others.
Expose them first-hand to giving donations and attending charitable events: allow them to select gifts and presents. Also, teach them the value of sharing by dividing their treats or letting their friends play with their toys.
Remember that change in behavior is a process and kids may respond differently. If you haven’t started bringing your kids up this way, it will take them time to adjust. But it must be done because one day you won’t be around to coddle and protect them anymore.
Patience on your part will be key.
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A version of this article originally appeared on roselynwrites.com and is republished here with permission from the author.