Money doesn’t buy happiness or love, but it’s an essential financial instrument that secures our future. Depending on the couple’s money habits and finance-related views, people may build a successful relationship or fail miserably. Money may not be everyone’s priority, but by the end of the day, it will either make or break loving partnerships. Misery in relationships is never acceptable, and sometimes you can spot read flags at the dating stage.
Here are seven ways money can potentially ruin a relationship and even a family.
Different Spending Habits
We all spend our hard-earned cash differently. Some of us pay ourselves first, pay the bills next, and then decide what to do with the rest of the money. Others spend their paychecks right away and then start scrambling around, trying to cover the expenses. One person might be obsessed with investing and securing a financial future, while the other one has never even heard a retirement fund and doesn’t think about tomorrow.
Spending habits don’t necessarily relate to serious purchases. It can be as little as spending money on craft beer and fancy coffee that cracks an otherwise perfectly healthy relationship. Incurring credit card debt is often an issue as well. If spouses can’t agree on how they spend their money, it can be a significant issue.
When partners have very different spending styles, and the levels of frugality are poles apart, it creates a problem.
Vastly Different Levels of Frugality
I’m one of those people who prefers to save and invest money instead of spending it on items that seem stupid to me. However, everyone has a very different definition of stupid. My previous partner would buy every meal using a food delivery service — to me, that was incredibly foolish. He would even purchase pre-packaged and pre-cut snacks from a grocery store because he was too lazy to cut them himself. You’ve got to give me credit: I would make fun of him sometimes, but I never lectured him or intruded in his finances. Having that said, if we were to make it to the family planning stage, some serious financial decisions would have to be made.
When partners have very different spending styles, and the levels of frugality are poles apart, it creates a problem. One person spending — or more like wasting, in my opinion — $100 per day on takeout food, while the other one is trying not to cross the $10 daily budget and cooks almost everything at home, can be a problem.
Lifestyle Differences
Many things are identifying the lifestyle. Money is crucial in every aspect of a person’s life, including their lifestyle. Some of us are happy with a very minimal style of life; others, however, have finances dictating their entire lives. Assigning a particular level of importance to the material items can create a point of conflict.
If I’m all right with taking public transit and inviting friends over for dinners, when one of us is cooking — that is one lifestyle. If my partner refuses to take the bus and demands to own a car and also spends a ton of cash at restaurants each week — it represents a vastly different style. Similarly, one person may prioritize luxury items, while the other one refuses to spend money on non-minimalistic things.
There is a certain level of importance people place on monetary items, and often it dictates their style of living. If those styles don’t match — it’s an issue.
The decision to have children is enormous, by definition. If two people cannot decide on finances — that is not a good sign.
Family-Planning Finances Don’t Align
At some point, many couples choose to start a family. To be fair, a child-free couple still represents a family. But many individuals wish to have children. If finances, associated with family planning, don’t add up — it can be a recipe for disaster.
Let’s take me as an example. I want every one of my children to have their own bedroom; sharing the space isn’t ideal. I would also like to give them a proper education, which means I would have to save for that. I don’t want to shower them with luxury presents, but at the same time, I’m not willing to let them live in poverty. Therefore, if I were to meet someone who doesn’t pay too much attention to finances and doesn’t believe it’s important to plan when it comes to family and children — we are going to have a problem. We are also going to have a huge issue if the guy wants to skimp on childcare expenses. As frugal as I am, I’m not willing to save a few bucks buying my kids new clothes.
The decision to have children is enormous, by definition. If two people cannot decide on finances — that is not a good sign.
Financial Goals Differ Majorly
I want to retire long before the official retirement age — preferably, 20 years earlier. I also I’m not willing to spend an insane amount of money on overpriced housing. My goal is to be reasonably frugal and smart, work hard and make intelligent decisions, and not to waste too much cash. Also, travel should be a priority outside of family and work.
But there are many people whose financial goals might be quite different. I don’t think I would be willing to upsize and get a mortgage three times higher compared to what I envisioned, just to impress the neighbours and friends. I also don’t want to slave away at work for 45 years, at 40 hours per week. It means, if I were to find someone with the opposite financial goals, it would create a considerable conflict every time.
Couples’ goals need to align, and that includes financial ones.
Partners Coming from Different Socioeconomic Backgrounds
Different socioeconomic backgrounds can contribute to relationship problems. People acquire certain habits early on in life, from their childhood. If two partners are from different financial backgrounds, it can present its problem.
Someone from a blue-collar family may view expenses differently compared to a person from a white-collar environment. When you grow up seeing your parents worry about money, it makes an impact on you. Similarly, if money was never an issue and the hardest decision you had to make was planning a vacation itinerary, it constitutes a very different financial view. One spouse might be obsessed with saving money and building a significant emergency fund, and the other one would think it’s irrational. Investment opportunities may see foreign to one partner, as their family never really had a chance to invest, and that translated into a lack of knowledge that followed them to adult life. At the same time, the other person might be dead set on involving themselves in many diversified investments.
Many individuals built successful relationships despite coming from different backgrounds. But, unfortunately, it can end up being an enormous challenge.
In-laws’ Involvement
Not everyone is blessed with kind and polite family members who stay away from your personal life. Having in-laws who wish to be majorly involved in partners’ finances can be overwhelming, mainly because everybody has a different perspective on money management techniques.
But the worst part is when in-laws constantly require financial assistance for no apparent reason. If there is an explanation for their struggles, and they are only asking for help when needed — it’s okay. Family sometimes needs support, and it can come in the form of cash. However, sometimes relatives may try to take advantage of you.
Going back to the previous point about the difference in socioeconomic backgrounds, one might find themselves in a peculiar situation. Marrying someone from a lower-income family is absolutely fine! However, some new relatives might try to use you financially. Continually asking for financial help, without a justifiable reason, and coming up with unreasonable explanations is a way of financial abuse. You need to be very careful with family if they ask you for money frequently.
Relationships are hard. Even dating is hard, but as you take the plunge and start a family, it becomes exponentially more difficult. There are countless things to consider, primarily personally and morally. But finances are crucial as well. Many couples break up because of money-related issues, which means it’s better to address them head-on at the beginning of a relationship.
Money can ruin romance and partnerships — but it doesn’t have to! As long as both parties are mature and willing to work together, many issues are resolvable.
—
Previously published on medium
*******************************
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Talk to you soon.
*************************
Photo credit: Freepik