It’s almost like a scene out of a movie.
You’re at the coffee shop, you see a girl you can’t take your eyes off of, but you don’t know what you’d say if you had the chance to talk to her.
Problem number one: stop thinking so hard.
The issue you’re dealing with is that you’ve built a story in your head about the person she is without even giving her the time to prove herself.
You’ve spent so much time doing this that your nerves have increased to the point where you’re sweating, and now you can’t fathom the idea of speaking to this perfect person.
While you wish you had the magical words, there are a few quick tips that will move you in the right direction.
Talk to as many women as possible
Take advantage of every opportunity you get to speak with women. Read that again.
The objective is not to be a playboy who ventures the city collecting numbers. The goal here is simple: practice.
Talk to women you do not have a sexual or romantic interest in as you interact. Whether you strike up a random conversation or are meeting a new mutual connection through a friend: talk.
Every girl you meet doesn’t have to be a potential match. Also, you are not using or manipulating anybody by doing this.
Drop the pickup lines
Women like confidence.
You don’t have to scheme up the perfect line or say a joke to break the ice. Keep it simple, my man.
“Hey, I noticed you as I was walking by, and I wanted to take a second to introduce myself.”
Take the pressure and weight off of yourself and the girl you’re trying to speak to. Using the simple line above lets her know you aren’t coming up to take up too much of her time. It will also give you time to see her reaction to you wanting to talk to her.
Remember keep it as simple as an introduction. There is nothing more awkward than a loaded approach, such as commenting on looks as you approach or having pre-made conversation lines.
Check “looks” off of the list
As I stated before, make her prove herself.
You’re not using this as a challenge in which you have a list of qualities to check off, but it eliminates the story you’ve built up in your head.
Once you have determined that you think a woman is attractive, check it off in your head.
It is almost like working as a recruiter or HR. Yes, your resume is great, but get to know the candidate more with an interview.
Talking to women works the same way. They have passed the eye test, but see what else makes this person so great.
Wait for the signal
Look for some signs.
Stop approaching women when there are none of the subtle communication signs that break the barrier to introducing yourself.
Sometimes you are catching women off guard.
- Eye contact– Obvious, but not always to some guys. Don’t be creepy but look and glance back without fear of prolonged eye contact.
- Natural gravitation– It is not a coincidence that her proximity is close to yours. Sure, maybe you two just got to the bar to order a drink at the same time, but women will avoid standing next to creepy Bob.
- Open posture– If you have caught her eye, science shows (people) women subconsciously fix posture or will open their posture in your direction.
These signs will not always be there, but take a second to see some of the signals before using the cold call approach.
Embrace rejection
Have you ever received a rejection email from a company you wanted to work for?
Let me guess; you never applied anywhere ever again.
The simple truth is that you won’t bat 1.000 or shoot 100% from the free-throw line. Keep shooting.
We fear rejection because we take it personally. Sometimes it is girl’s night, and she is not out to meet anyone. She could have just gotten out of a relationship and needs time alone. The reason is not always personal to you.
Hey, maybe she isn’t into you. That does not mean the next person won’t be. Take a shot, and don’t be afraid to miss.
Think about it; you will most likely never see that person again in your life.
Shoulder shrug, onto the next.
Conclusion
It can be hard to break out of your shell and try something new. It is also equally hard to keep trying what you’re doing and expecting a different result.
These tips are not a scientific formula for women. It’s a guide to help you loosen up and find your confidence.
Remember, you’re a pretty great guy too.
—
This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
***
You might also like these from The Good Men Project:
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock
