Sami Jankins has a message for JJ Watt, “I had a crush on you in preschool … You had your chance!”
Dear JJ Watt,
I heard the other day on E! News that you are having lady troubles. I immediately read the article that garnered you this single and struggling bachelor headline. Wait. Maybe you could be the next Bachelor. It worked out for Jesse Palmer, right? No, no it actually didn’t.
I get it, dating is rough at our age. Apparently “Netflix and pizza” no longer even means Netflix and pizza to which I’m sorely disappointed by. OKCupid has realized I’ve experienced enough weirdness that I now am a moderator to help remove inappropriate photos and messages. That’s where my dating life is at. Your schedule must be crazy and it has to be a challenge to meet someone who wants to get to know the real you. All I know about you is that you play football. I’m not clear on the specifics of what you do. I was a football cheerleader in high school but didn’t learn much. My dad is very disappointed by this. I also know you do a lot of cool charity things for other people, especially ill kids. I find this awesome because I’ve spent a great deal of time doing much of the same. I really respect that. I also know we went to preschool together.
Yes, I knew you before you had your entire fame, fortune, and football career. I went to this wonderful preschool/daycare facility where I fell madly in love with a little boy named JJ. This was something I was mocked for continually as I aged. I was very assertive about my feelings, frequently chasing after said boy saying that I loved him and wanted to kiss him. I get that maybe I should have been coyer about my interest. I did come on a bit too strong. You generally never want the boy of your four-year-old affections to run away from you. Wow, you could really run.
I understand that I was not the cougar (I’m a year older than you) that you were looking for, in the moment. My hair was cut in a bowl cut. I’m not sure why my parents thought this was a cute look for a girl, but I endured. In the transition phase when I grew my hair out, I rocked this odd permed-out puff. I looked like a clown. Maybe you were terrified by clowns. I also carried around my baby blanket for security. The center often mistook it for a kitchen rag, and I’d have to recover it at the end of the day once they realized Sami’s blanket was in a pail of dishwater. Kindly they washed it before returning it with the most sincere of apologies.
I didn’t realize that this preschool JJ was you until a handful of years ago. My niece went to the same center and the owners were gushing about you as they were about to go to one of your games. My parents had showed me that one video of you surprising that little girl and were trying to persuade me “this is your JJ.” I didn’t believe it. However, going back to the preschool/daycare center confirmed this fact. Now whenever you’re on TV, my family gently gives me a hard time.
I want to say congrats on your success! I’ve been doing fairly well myself. I’m in a graduate school program for screenwriting and have had some success with getting essays published. I no longer have a bowl cut, just in case you were wondering. I stopped my temporary habit of actually running after boys. It didn’t seem successful with you. Also yelling out “I love you, kiss me” is something I’ve nixed. I’m just a normal woman. I’m not Kristin, Candice, and definitely not Giselle. I wish I was Olivia! She seems cool. When I do read about your dating woes, I really only have one thought … you had your chances.
(The little girl from preschool who had a crush on you.)
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