You’ve probably heard this one before —
“Men are visual creatures.”
Men care a lot about looks, body types, and physical — assets. They want to be with a woman who they find beautiful to look at. Is that really so surprising?
But when it comes to these matters, women are a little different.
Now don’t get me wrong, we care about how guys look, too. Basic hygiene especially. Like, comb your hair. Wash your hands. Wear deodorant. You know, the usual stuff.
But, the way a guy looks actually isn’t as important as one key thing.
How he makes you feel.
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Looks don’t matter nearly as much as how you make her feel.
Emotionally. Physically. It doesn’t matter.
If you can make a woman feel good, your looks are (almost) irrelevant.
I mean, look at the man Kylie Jenner decided to have a baby with. Are you honestly going to tell me that she was with him for his physical attractiveness?
Anyway, the point is this. There is hope for any man who didn’t win the genetic lottery and come out of the womb 6’2 or with an eight-pack.
Most of us ladies care so much more about how we feel when we’re around you than how you look standing next to us.
So how does she want to feel?
This is where the formula gets tricky. Not all women necessarily prioritize the same things when it comes to feeling. Some women care most about feeling the rush — the high that comes with an exciting, new, passionate love.
Some women care most about the safety and security of being with a man they can trust. Some women care most about deep emotional connection during life’s hardships. Some women care most about feeling like they have an equal partner — a best friend to do life with.
I can’t tell you exactly what a particular woman needs to feel in order to be attracted to a man.
What I can tell you is that it’s probably whatever’s lacking in her relationship with her dad. Or maybe whatever was lacking in her last relationship.
Dense, I know.
But we all have needs etched into our hearts that stem from the hurt and pain we’ve experienced in our lives. If you get to know a woman even just a little bit, you naturally learn where those needs are.
And potentially how to meet them.
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What is a man to do with this knowledge?
Well, don’t use it for evil.
It’s never a good or kind idea to use a woman’s weaknesses to get laid or manipulate her into dating you. (Hopefully that much is obvious.)
But if you hope to have a happy, healthy relationship one day, you will need to learn to be what she needs as much as she will learn to be what you need. Being present, emotionally aware, and in touch with your own feelings is a good place to start.
However, it’s important to remember that you can’t fake chemistry.
You can’t fake understanding or natural compatibility. You can’t pretend to “click” with someone. Most of the time, either it happens or it doesn’t — and we have little to no control over it.
Pay attention to the types of people who you experience this instant connection with. Take note when you meet someone and the conversation just seems to flow. These are the types of people you should naturally gravitate towards.
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Final thoughts
Regardless of whether she’s attracted to you initially, most women are going off how you intuitively make her feel.
By all means, try to look your best. But it’s how you make her feel that will really make the difference.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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