A Perspective on Trust That We Should All Understand

I have been working with Hapi for the past two years. For those of you who don’t know, Hapi is a self-care app that provides active listening as a service by connecting people to an empathetic listener.

Being a Hapi Listener means providing people a listening ear (or two) when they need it most. Four days out of the week, I listen to strangers talk about their deep and darkest secrets, insecurities, frustrations, heartaches, etc.

But most of the calls I receive are from people wanting to talk about their relationships. In fact, the “relationships” topic is the most common type of call that we see come through.

Having taken more than 1,000 calls in the past two years, I see two common themes for talking about relationships. One of them is “cheating,” and the other is “having trust issues.” Although these two can often go hand in hand, I wanted to address the concept of “trust” its importance in any relationship.

Trust issues are often characterized by fears of betrayal, abandonment, and manipulation. The accumulation of these experiences leads us to develop trust issues that determine our willingness to trust others and take risks.

I don’t know one person who hasn’t been burned. We’ve all been let down in one form or another. We’ve all been hurt by someone. Sometimes, the experience is often traumatic, preventing us from ever trusting anyone again.

What is Trust?

Trust means relying on someone else. When you trust someone, you believe they will do what they say they’ll do. Sometimes trust doesn’t need to be told.

We trust people (or things) without putting too much weight. For example, I trust that my car will take me to work safely every day. Even though it has broken down before, as long as I attend to it and get it fixed, I can rely on my car to keep doing what it does, which is to at least take me to work. I trust my car (even though I don’t tell it that I do) even though sometimes the unexpected happens. That’s just the way it is.

Once I had this fantastic iced caramel latte made by the barista at work. I had sworn that he made it the best because I didn’t develop the same enthusiasm for the drink when someone else made it. One day, he made it again, but it didn’t taste all that amazing this time. I put in soo much “trust” into his iced caramel latte-making skills, to the point that I was bragging to everyone about it, but the drink wasn’t what it once was. Sure, I was a slight letdown, but it was no big deal.

When trust is absent, doubt comes in and ruins it all even before giving it a chance.

But this is why trust is vital in any relationship, not just romantic ones. It adds meaning to a relationship.

Trusting someone else requires risk. Trust is a requirement, and when it’s absent, there will be more problems that come out of it.

Why We Should Learn How To Trust

Trusting people is difficult, especially when we live in a society that values our independence. But it wasn’t always like this. Historically and biologically, we relied on each other to keep each other safe. Relying on others is a synonym for trusting them.

Many people claim how much they are alone, and sometimes that idea reflects being hurt. But that’s really no way to live, and I know that I am not in the position to tell you how to live your life.

But pretending to not need people is a foolish thought.

Trusting People Doesn’t Make You Stupid.

The reality is that EVERYONE has the potential to betray and/or disappoint you in some way. Trusting others is the same as taking risks, and when you don’t take risks, you limit yourself. But you’ll never find out if you don’t give it a chance.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”

― Ernest Hemingway

Taking chances allows you to learn quickly, fail quickly, and move on quickly. You’ll become more resilient, and your ability to detect who is trustworthy will be part of your arsenal.

In conclusion…

Trust means relying on someone else, and a relationship without trust can do more harm than good.

I completely understand why we have trust issues. Our personal experiences have made us more guarded and resistant to allowing others the opportunity to do something hurtful to us.

The truth is that you’ll never understand a person’s character if you don’t trust them first. When you trust someone, you allow them to prove themselves right or wrong.

If they prove you right, Great! You’ve just learned that this person is trustworthy.

If they prove you wrong, Great! You’ve just learned that person is not someone you want in your life.

No matter what. You will learn the most from trusting another person than not trusting at all.

As the great Hemingway once said,” The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”

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Previously Published on medium

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