Afraid to Ask Where It’s Going? Watch This

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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.

Asking Where the Relationship Is Headed

I continue to put in this much effort and you just keep putting in more. All it does is reward the amount of effort that I’m putting in right now.

Before we get into the video, don’t forget to like this video, subscribe to this channel, and hit the notification bell so that the next time I release a video, you get notified first and you don’t miss it.

I was asked a question: after four months of seeing someone, is it okay to ask the question, “Where is the relationship headed?” So, I thought I’d make a video about this phenomenon of getting months into a situationship with someone and not knowing whether it’s okay to ask what we’re doing and where it’s going.

Why Hasn’t It Come Up Already?

The first point I want to make about this is that there is a natural question that anyone listening to a scenario like this will ask, which is, why hasn’t it come up already? What’s going on that you’re four months in and you still don’t know what it is?

It suggests one of two main things could have happened. The first is that this person doesn’t want anything and, therefore, is just running it down the road for as long as they can without bringing up the subject. They’re hoping that you won’t bring it up either. Often, people are quite skilled at making sure the conversation doesn’t come up by never mentioning it. And if you hint at the idea that you want something more, they withdraw. That can be like a form of punishment for bringing it up. It’s almost like, “You brought up the Voldemort of the relationship. We don’t talk about where it’s going, and if you do, you’ll get punished.”

The other possible explanation is that we haven’t mentioned it because we’re afraid that it’s going to push someone away. It’s not that they absolutely didn’t want a relationship; it’s just that we’ve given the impression, through our lack of communication, that we’re kind of okay with it not going anywhere. We’ve put ourselves in the casual category by mistake because we’re not good at communicating what we want.

Why We Haven’t Mentioned It

Why is it that we’re afraid to communicate what we want? There’s a fear that if we ask for a relationship or if we tell someone it has to go somewhere, we’ll lose this person.

So, rather than taking that risk, what a lot of people do is they just give more effort to the situation. They think that if they give more effort, it will equal progress in the relationship. They believe that eventually, they’ll become indispensable to this person. They keep giving more without ever naming what this thing is. What they don’t realize is that effort doesn’t necessarily equal progress.

Effort Doesn’t Necessarily Equal Progress

Effort does not necessarily equal progress. Past a certain point, where we’re not communicating what we want, effort doesn’t equal progress; it equals permanence in the dynamic.

We have to lose our scarcity mindset around this person. One reason we accept bad treatment or stagnation is the fear that we’ll never meet anyone like them again. But there are great people out there. We have to be more afraid of losing our time than losing this person. Time is irreplaceable.

Be Slower in Deciding They’re ‘The One’

We have to be quicker to decide whether something is going anywhere or progressing, but slower to decide that someone is “the one” for us. When we like someone, we decide that they’re “the one” and ignore evidence that we could be wasting our time. We have to find out if this relationship is going somewhere before deciding if someone is “the one” for us.

If you have more questions about dating and want to be intentional about your love life, check out my free training program called “Dating with Results.” It’s practical, insightful, and will change your dating life. Visit datingwithresults.com to register for free. Make sure you watch it in the next 48 hours while you have your pass.

I hope you found this video helpful, and I’ll see you on the other side.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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