Everyone has stories related to family celebrations.
You know the ones – the stories that get told repeatedly, whether we like it or not.
Like the story of how my now sister-in-law got lost on the way to our wedding. Something had been forgotten and she was sent to retrieve it. (She was from out of state, so how that made sense, I’ll never know.) It wasn’t until the ceremony was well underway that my husband or I had any idea she had still not returned. The story gets kicked up a notch when you add the part about how a few years later, I got lost on the way to her wedding. True story.
I often wonder if all families have tales to tell of those less than perfect celebrations. I suspect we all have our roster of hilarious stories about babies falling asleep in their one-year-old birthday cakes, a best man losing track of the rings – or of the groom as was the case on my wedding day – or the inadvertently tipsy tee-totaling relative who didn’t know the punch was spiked.
Family celebrations come with their share of memories, whether fond or not. Some of the stories we tell are immediately funny; some only become funny later. Much later. Family gatherings seem akin to a visit to the dentist – that thing we know we should do and might tolerate well, but maybe wouldn’t choose to do if we didn’t have to. That’s more normal than not, I suspect.
Even amidst the fun and camaraderie, family gatherings teem with stress and anxiety. Will this cousin who hates that cousin say the wrong thing and start a feud? Will someone misinterpret a gag gift and be insulted? Will someone miss an event for whatever reason and end up on the permanent shit list for not showing up?
Admit it – there are days when the best part of the family celebration is the moment you finally get home, kick off your shoes, sit back with a sigh, and thank heaven that you didn’t actually punch anyone or say out loud what you were thinking in your head for most of the afternoon.
Maybe we can predict with relative certainty that a fight or two will arise. Perhaps we know certain people just can’t be seated together at weddings and family reunions. But that is part of belonging to a family. No one is perfect all the time and no one’s relatives are perfect all of the time – just ask anyone you know. They’ll be happy to tell you in detail about the failings and shortcomings of their next of kin.
So why do we keep attending – and even planning – these often stressful family gatherings?
Because underneath the humor and the drama lies something grand…
Families celebrate everything. We celebrate births and baptisms, First Holy Communions, Bar Mitzvahs, and Confirmations. We throw a party when someone in the family gets engaged or married – and sometimes we have a party when someone gets divorced. Hey, it happens. We gather when a loved one dies to remember them, to honor the life they lived, and share how their life touched and affected our own.
It’s easy to get caught up in the customary and expected celebrations. It’s easy to get lost in the planning and fuss over colors and themes and the excruciating minutiae of details. I’m guilty of it – just a few years ago I made sure my daughter’s galaxy-themed birthday party was the stuff of her dreams, right down to the very last star.
By the time anyone reads this, I will have celebrated another birthday myself. I will be another year older and – I hope – perhaps another year wiser. At the very least, I will have spent another year discovering myself, pursuing my dreams, and trying to graciously accept the appearance of another cluster of gray hair and the realization that my mother was, in fact, right about everything. I don’t think too much about my birthday anymore. Most years it’s just the next day in a series of days.
But it shouldn’t be. No day should be just the next in a series of days. Nor should we wait for those special events or occasions that spawn family gatherings, blowout parties, and the inevitable humor and drama that accompany such celebrations.
Because underneath the humor and the drama lies something grand…
It’s connection, comfort, and unconditional love. It’s the telling and re-telling of all those stories that, for better or worse, make up our shared history. It’s the knowledge that we are part of something and that we belong to someone – to a whole package of someones – who will show up to celebrate with us, no matter what the occasion. Yeah, they’ll bring their baggage. But most days they’ll put it down long enough to enjoy a piece of cake.
And in between those special occasions and major celebrations, we need to remember to celebrate life on regular days. Celebrate every day and for every reason. Celebrate each miserable, frustrating, joyous, and blessed moment of it. Celebrate because every moment is indeed something grand.
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Previously Published on OTV Magazine and is republished on Medium.
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