By Nick Hardwick for YourTango
Have you ever wondered how you stack up against your girlfriend’s ex-lovers? If so you’re not alone.
Almost all men ask themselves this question at some point, but few have the guts to be honest with themselves and truly listen to the answer. We all have a bias mechanism that looks for any and every indication that we’re right and good, while rationalizing, justifying and ignoring any indication to the contrary.
This is why the phrase “am I good in bed?” gets almost 4 times as many Google searches as the phrase “am I bad in bed?”. It’s also why almost 100% of men would say they’re a total stud in the sack while most women will admit that only a small fraction of men are truly great lovers.
One of the most common misconceptions men have is the idea that “women just don’t like sexas much as men.”
Let me tell you something: Women LOVEsex too! If you don’t think that statement is true, I hate to break it to you, but she’s just not satisfied. Period.
The female body is capable of having all kinds of orgasms that men just can’t get – foreplay orgasms, clitoral orgasms, internal (full body) orgasms, anal orgasms, and even nipple orgasms. They can also have multiple orgasms during a single sex session.
Bottom line, women can gain a lot more pleasure from sex than men.
Sadly, most women never get to experience that pleasure because guys just don’t know how to give women these types of experiences. The average guy struggles to get his woman turned on, he finishes, rolls over and goes to bed.
Imagine getting into bed with your woman and fooling around, but you never got to orgasm because every time you got hard, she orgasmed, rolled over and went to bed. Think that might be frustrating? Hell yes it would!
Sadly, that’s the reality for a lot of women. Fortunately, there are ways that she will hint to you that something needs to change.
Watch out for these signs that she’s dissatisfied in bed:
- She doesn’t initiate sex
- She is hesitant to reciprocate foreplay
- She bosses you around in bed
- She’s less interested in sex than she was in the beginning of your relationship
- She makes excuses to get out of sex (headache, tired, etc.)
Interestingly, society would have you believe all of this is normal. Unfortunately it’s really common for women to be dissatisfied in bed, so it’s hard to tell something is wrong when it seems that this has become the norm.
For comparison, take a look at these signs that she’s LOVING sex:
- She initiates sex more then you
- She enjoys foreplay on both sides and is ready and willing to try new things
- She enjoys doing nice things for you (giving you a massage, cooking you dinner, etc.)
- She never nags or bugs you about little things
- She gets WILD in bed
So what’s the big difference between guys in the first group, and guys in the second?
I think it can be summed up into one simple phrase: Know-how.
Guys in the second group know how to give a woman the most pleasurable sexual experiences possible, and never stop learning how to make it better.
And that’s exactly what I encourage you to do.
So if you want to be “the best she’s ever had,” take a step back to find out if you’re REALLY satisfying her in bed. If not, it’s time to make some changes.
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Originally appeared at YourTango
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Photo: FlickrCC/Sean McGrath
Of the two comments here I see a lot of unnecessary bashing. True that the article is one sided but it’s clear in the title that it’s targeted for men. So if you as a man can’t take suggestions from a stranger on the internet, how are you going to take it from the woman you are sleeping with.
These are just broad guidelines/signs. Instead of getting defensive why not initiate a conversation to see how you are doing. Be cool, Internet. ( this applies to both men and women)
Full of prejudice and one-sided generalizations, as usual.
If you are a woman per the second definition of this author, who feels that you have to chase your guy and initiate sex, have you ever stopped to ask yourself how good in the bed you really are yourself…?
Hello, One of the biggest question that came into mind of every man is how can they improve their performance in bed or we can say how can they extend their time of ejaculation. Sex is one of the biggest thing that every men feel insecure about, and we always tents to search for the methods through which we can extend the time in bed. After checking these stats, it’s no big surprise why most of the men are insecure about their performance in bed. But you don’t need to worry about your insecurity regarding sex now because we are… Read more »
“She doesn’t initiate sex.” There is more to it than that….maybe she just never felt sexually attracted to the man from day one. Just wanted security, a house, 2 kids, and a white picket fence. Also marriage kills women sex drive period. As usual, it is ALWAYS the man’s fault…. “So what’s the big difference between guys in the first group, and guys in the second? I think it can be summed up into one simple phrase: Know-how. Guys in the second group know how to give a woman the most pleasurable sexual experiences possible, and never stop learning how… Read more »