And She Never Heard From Him Again

I am not a fan of ghosting.

I consider it tacky.

I think people who don’t own up to their feelings or at least to: ‘Sorry, I am no longer interested’ lack self-worth and chase entitlement.

As I said, I don’t fancy ghosting.

Yet, we all have been guilty of considering it at least once.

. . .

It may be your high-school friend you have been treating evasively for quite some time now, or your ex-boyfriend who doesn’t know boundaries. If you no longer get along passionately, stop wasting your energy, their time and feelings by making up new excuses to weasel your way out of the meeting. Or worse, stop forcing yourself into hooking up with undesirable parties.

Now it got me thinking: do publications, by not responding to a writer’s submission, are also guilty of ghosting?

I will leave you in charge of the answer.

For now, let’s pick up when we started.

. . .

People are good at sensing your energy.

They are even better at denying it.

The truth is, they already know.

Honestly, answer this question: Don’t you feel the pressure of their desperate attempts to maintain contact with you?

Exactly.

In the same manner, they can feel your aloofness. And your unforgivable lame explanations.

The case is, people would rather give you another chance making it up to them with another arrangement, rather than owning up to the relationship no longer being sexy.

People got really skilled at chasing the attention of others to make up for their shattered self-respect.

The tangible desperation stems from lack of validation.

But so does those, who practice ghosting.

. . .

Ghosting is for chickens.

It is the easiest way out.

Owning up to your authentic desires and, in this case, exterminated devotion, requires boldness.

It takes courage to act on the impulse of your newly born priorities. Would you rather spend time on your own than hanging out just for the sake of killing time? Do you prefer the company of somebody else? Take responsibilities for your cravings.

Dare to be so in love with your life and creation that you are no longer willing to sacrifice your discomfort for the ‘fake satisfaction’ of somebody else.

The same goes for your forced amiability, as it becomes one of the many masks of avoidance.

With dating apps commonly on the rise, disappearing out of somebody’s life has been dumbed down to just one click of a button.

Ghosting is soaked with incompetence to handle your feelings. Didn’t I say, a coward?

Running from your emotions will only leave you out of breath, unfit to take the next punch the Universe is going to provide you with. The message you are sending is: ‘I do not dare owning up to my real feelings’, so the Universe replies: ‘Sure, here is some more, to practice that stand.’

. . .

Fear of rejection makes for the trick of a disappearing act.

People who are afraid of being left out, slip away first.

If somebody has been abandoned or has met with repeated unfulfilled relationships, they pull out before anyone gets to dismiss them.

Those people also tend to sabotage their relationships into ruin, as their fear of rejection takes the upper hand.

Do you know there is even a term for that loop? Abandoholism. This destructive pattern imprisons victims behind a wall of their own making.

. . .

With ghosting you don’t get a closure.

Next thing you know, you find yourself on a date with a cute guy, stalking your ex in your head, and throwing tantrums at his new cat. Rachel needed that closure after Ross hooked up with Julie. You need it too.

It works both ways.

Whether you face rejection, or you are the one presenting it to somebody else, the intention behind the action is what makes you linger.

You may have buried unresolved resentment and decided to ghost somebody. Unseen emotions carry a burden into your future endeavours, sabotaging your next moves.

Sometimes you no longer radiate on the same frequency. No shame in that. However, you own them a closure. More importantly, you owe it to yourself.

Not resolving an affair boils down to commitment issues and the inability to take responsibility for your emotions. Those ghosts will haunt you later on.

Until you learn how to follow your gut and make persistent decisions, you are going to suffer big time. Aligning with your hearts’ desire and owning up to them is an art only a few can master. Whether in your professional skills or romantic endeavours.

Don’t sacrifice your permanent well-being for the temporary comfort of facing the uncomfortable confrontations, whether with another person or your feelings.

. . .

End it short. End it sweet.

Don’t do it for them, do it for yourself.

Develop the art of closing one door so that new opportunities may enter through an open window.

We have been programmed to comply with others’ wishes, yet it comes at the price of suppressing our own needs.

Being honest about your boundaries also show respect for their margins. Although it may be harsh, it is healthier to speak your mind than be sent into oblivion.

Curt phrases like ‘Not this time.’ ‘Sorry, I don’t feel the chemistry anymore.’ suffice for the display of your feelings.

Adding something like ‘Please, respect my decision.’ shows your concern for your choices and makes the other person less aggravated with the conclusion you have established.

. . .

Go inward and face your fears.

Texting somebody is not enough to grant yourself sanity of ending any relationship.

If you cannot meet yourself in unrestricted integrity, it will become a challenge to engage intimately with others.

You need to face the reason behind ending the relation, as well as accepting that breaking up any partnership is your prerogative.

Dissolve the angst of not being enough with giving it your full acknowledgment. Fear of rejection can only be soothed when meeting it head-on. You are not weak. Confronting your ‘weak spots’ can only become your superpower. Perceive it as such.

. . .

Takeaway.

If you happen to be the victim of ghosting: silent treatment is never about you. It is always about the person who avoids the confrontation.

The same applies to people who do not acknowledge your decision but practice the victim narrative about being abandoned. Everyone has their perception and reason to feel myriads of emotions, which not necessarily comply with your expectations.

Breaking up is never easy. However, uncomfortable experiences make us grow. Owning up to your feelings will pay lucrative dividends in lining up your boundaries. One of the hallmarks of psychological maturity is the ability to meet yourself and others in total honesty.

Don’t be the person who chickens out. Be the person who proudly honours your right to walk away.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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