There is a great deal written in these pages and elsewhere about the belief that men are less emotionally aware and less emotionally expressive than women. More specifically, men are often portrayed as being comfortable only with anger, an emotion which leaves them feeling in control, and particularly uncomfortable allowing themselves to feel sad or scared, emotions more associated with vulnerability, and therefore, feminine rather than masculine characteristics.
Certainly, images portrayed in the culture emphasize a representation of men as strong and stoic, equating masculinity with not letting any feeling show. A noteworthy exception was a recent video of a young baseball player openly being held and caressed by his friend in the dugout after learning that his mother had just died. The video caused quite a stir because of its unusual depiction of open physical affection between two young men.
Research does generally confirm that women are more emotionally expressive in general than men across a range of emotions and across numerous cultural settings, although not nearly the magnitude of differences as hyped in books like Men are From Mars. Specifically, women report feeling more emotions such as guilt and shame than men, and men are more expressive of anger than women.
More importantly, however, is the question of how these differences came about and whether or not they can be changed. In other words, given the high cost of emotional suppression, is it possible for men to learn to be more emotional? On this point, the research is quite clear. Differences in expression of emotion between men and women are largely attributable to gender role socialization, rather than being inborn or genetic. Girls are socialized, primarily by their parents, at ages as young as four-months-old to be more emotionally expressive, while boys are often subtly conditioned to suppress any display of emotions.
This is good news for men because what has been learned can be unlearned. There is a lot of incentive for men to learn to be more aware of their own feelings, and more open about expressing those feelings with the people they are closest to. Emotional suppression is one of the primary causes of the epidemic of loneliness in men, which is associated with depression, addiction, physical illness and early mortality.
On the other hand, we know that expressing emotions is good for you. Psychotherapy has proven to be one of the most effective tools to help men learn how to be more emotionally expressive and open with their feelings with others. Undertaking a change of this magnitude is not likely to happen overnight.
Research suggests that longer-term treatment is likely to be more effective than short-term care for personality changes such as this. You might also consider seeking out group psychotherapy which has the added benefit of being allowing you to watch other people learn more about emotional expressiveness and intimate connection, and learn from each other.
Do you want to talk about how to have richer, more mindful, and enduring relationships?
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Gender role socialization?! Wow, another one of those males are defective women and so men have change. Yep, ignore all the biological, metaphysical, and symbolic data, among other empirical data. Ignore all that, let’s fabricate how men “should” be, rather than how they are. Also, let’s also use psychology developed using data to that mostly came together in effort to alleviate hysteria. All the while misdiagnosis with the given data for phychological afflictions went on for over a half a century. Now why are more and more men committing suicide or prematurely ending their life on some way? Or why… Read more »
This is THE GOOD MEN PROJECT .. The conversation no one else is having.. I will be that no one to start it you choose to join in. This site also say they use Akismet to reduce spam. This means comments like mine that are not spam will likely be removed from time to time. My comments are very hard hitting especially to deluded women and most are. Well this is my first post and I am sure I will be kicked out of this membership since this is a site where I disagree with almost everything written. Women and… Read more »