The scariest question when you’re about to settle down with someone is always, “are you truly ready? or you’re doing this just because you’re scared to be alone?
Your answer will determine your future love life.
If it’s the latter then it’s not a good sign. I know this is true because I’ve seen too many people who end up resenting each other 2 years in the marriage because they realize they aren’t truly ready.
They still want to spend more time with themselves, they don’t want that responsibility of having kids and taking care of someone else yet.
In short, they truly enjoyed their single life and wanted it back so badly.
But you know, you can’t just call it quits when it comes to a big commitment such as marriage. And what do most of them end up doing? They stay. They compromised their own happiness because they think it was too late to back off.
I’ve known a man who got married too young and now 10 years later, he started doing shady things behind his wife’s back. When asked, his answer is always, “I’m not cheating, just looking for something different.”
We all know taking a young girl home and flirting with her is a part of cheating.
That’s only one of the negative effects of settling down when you knew deep down you weren’t ready. It does more harm than you think. Not only to yourself but to the people around you.
So how do you know when you’re ready?
When it comes to relationships, I don’t truly believe in those who say “if you keep waiting, you will never be truly ready”.
This perspective is what caused most people stuck in unhappy relationships.
Being ready to share and build a life together with someone can help you navigate the relationship better. You’re in it 100% and most importantly, you no longer have the “FOMO” feeling.
With that being said, you’re ready to settle down when:
- You’re in peace with your past and whatever problems you had with your ex.
- You’re happy on your own but would love to make your life more meaningful by sharing it with someone else.
- You’re done with casual dating and looking for stability instead.
- You know how to take responsibility for your own emotions.
- You don’t do it for the sake of feeling lonely.
- You see a relationship as a real partnership where two people are constantly putting in the effort to keep it going.
- You don’t do it to please your family or for any other reasons related to society’s expectations.
In short, you genuinely want to spend more time with the person you’re with without any pressures or shallow reasons from the outside.
I can’t tell you how important it is to be mentally and emotionally ready when it comes to a romantic relationship. Mainly because it’s one of the biggest aspects of your life that you can’t take lightly.
If you make a wrong decision, then it’ll impact other areas too in your life. I’ve seen enough examples of this; people have lost themselves and become very much unhappy with their overall life.
But what if you’re honestly just scared to be lonely?
Many have been there, myself included.
I dated a guy just because I couldn’t picture myself being alone. Plus, if you’re like me who’s surrounded by taken friends, then you know how that feels.
You’re feeling left out. You think there must be someone special for you. And you can’t just be single and go home alone. Before you know it, you’re rushing into being in a relationship.
But guess what? That one decision could lead you to a much worse situation in the future. The last thing you want to happen is to be with someone but still feel lonely as heck.
Because let’s be honest.
Being in a relationship doesn’t make you less lonely. If you have that feeling beforehand, it won’t change much once you’re settling down with someone.
Even if that someone promises you the whole world and makes you feel like the most special person on earth, that loneliness issue is yours and yours only.
No one in this entire world will be able to remove it. It’s a hard pill to swallow but if you want to be genuinely happy, you’ve got no option but to accept it as it is.
So when your reasoning to get married or jumping into a committed relationship is because you’re scared to be lonely then you need to take a step back and ask yourself.
“Is there something you can do to work on those feelings alone? Rather than involving someone else and hoping he/she would fix it for you?”
Be brutally honest with yourself.
At the end of the day, you’re still responsible for your own love life. And there are only so many chances you got in this life to build and have a meaningful life.
Make sure you choose and pick wisely.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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