“Your worst enemy could be your best friend and your best friend, your worst enemy.” ― Bob Marley
The searing pain in your back is what tells you the backstabber has struck. Especially the one you didn’t see coming. Backstabbers can come from anywhere and be anyone- family, friends, co-workers, subordinates, superiors, or even clients.
The best thing they have got going for them is their ability to blend in and lull you into a false sense of security with them. How else are they going to stab you in the back if they don’t make you don’t feel comfortable enough to let them get into position?
That’s why they are most dangerous as (pretend) friends or well-wishers. Anything else your guard will be up.
“How else are they going to stab you in the back if they don’t make you don’t feel comfortable enough to let them get into position?”
We all have potential backstabbers in our circles
Posing as friends or well-wishers is what makes backstabbers a special kind of enemy. This tactic of gaining proximity to you gives them the advantage to cause you the most damage.
People with jealousy in their hearts about anything they believe they have more right to than you have potential in this regard. Basically, anyone with an interest that he/she feels cannot co-exist with yours can resort to this kind of treachery. There are also people with no immdediate gains but do it out of pure sadistic pleasure.
How can you tell a friend from foe?
People with backstabbing potential sometimes give themselves away. They are the ones who show no genuine delight at your successes much less celebrate them with you. They also never fail to find subtle ways to belittle your accomplishment, qualities, or values, and they can be extremely petty about it.
They are the ones who always want to know every little detail about you when they never reveal anything about themselves. You also need to watch for those fond of badmouthing others to you because they definately will do the same to you.
The ways to protect yourself
1. Always do the best you can, for all you can whenever and wherever you can
A good reputation is your most effective first line of defense in this regard because it can stand for you in your absence, and so will those whose lives you touch positively.
Building a reputation that can speak for itself is usually more effective than your first reflex when someone backstabs you which, is to try to counter by proclaiming your innocence or explaining to all who will listen. Your rep is always there for you in your absence which is often when backstabbers choose to strike.
2. To give yourself a fighting chance you have to know yourself
Know your own strengths and weaknesses. Your weaknesses are what you don’t expose to just anybody, and when the time comes, your strengths are what you use to your advantage.
This knowledge will you a fighting chance because you don’t always get to know your enemies, or their weapon of choice before their first strike.
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” –Sun Tzu
Remember how that searing pain in your back tells you they have struck? Well when you feel it, your best course of action is to keep yourself in check. Stay calm, study the situation, and assess the damage, if any, before you start leveraging your strengths.
They have already tipped their hand and now you have gotten a chance to know your enemy so use the opportunity to carefully consider and plan your reaction. Besides, being too quick to respond could tip them off that you are on to them and they might hide the remaining daggers.
3. Keep your secrets secret
Not everyone you know needs to know everything about you.
A secret known to more than one person has a very real chance of becoming public knowledge. Any loosely kept personal or professional secret or other sensitive information is just one more dagger in the hand of a backstabber.
They view every little tidbit as a potential weapon and the more sensitive the better, and to them, nothing is off-limits. To that end, they always press to know yours, but never reveal theirs.
However, note that not all who reveal a secret you have entrusted to them have malicious intent. It could happen they merely confided in someone they trust, who in turn tell someone they trust, and on and on till it becomes public knowledge. Unfortunately, the damage is done nonetheless.
Hence, keep your secrets secret. There are many upsides to doing so: it’s training in self-control, it will help preserve your rep, and you won’t be putting any ammo in the hands of potential backstabbers.
4. Keep your circles tightly knit
As it is necessary that you let them get behind you before they can stab you, you need to be careful who you let get to that position. Proximity is what enables a backstabber.
As we get older our circles should naturally get smaller. It keeps them more authentic and the bonds tend to run deeper. This makes it more likely that you know everyone and their proclivities well, and who to trust with what.
While this may not be that effective for someone already in, it does limit the chances of anyone outside the circle gaining the vantage point to do you real harm.
Conclusion
The damage a backstabber can cause you can be extensive because, in most cases, they get to use real knowledge of your vulnerabilities with malicious intent. They use privileged information you may have confided in them, or they got to know because of their proximity to you. A position they may gain through subterfuge. That is until you feel their wrath.
For this reason, your first line of defense lies not in damage control but in taking the necessary precautions.
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Previously Published on medium
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