Being an Honorable Man in Your Marriage

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted in important affairs.”

~Albert Einstein

Being honorable has to do with people and actions that are honest, fair, and worthy of respect.

When you think about how you show up in your marriage, would you say you are honorable?

Most of us would like to think we are but, when faced with disappointing or upsetting your wife, do you tell the truth? The whole truth? All the time?

Now you may not lie directly to her face. But what about leaving out some information? That’s known as lying by omission.

I’ve been thinking about this since my First Friday Ask Me Anything call and the admission by one of the participants about how much he regularly lies to his wife. He knows it is problematic but does it anyway.

And then I got sent a link to an article about the rise in financial infidelity in relationships. Which is another form of lying.

I get it. Being honest all the time is hard.

It means being willing to both hear and say hard things to get to a place where you and your wife are in real agreement on any issue in your marriage.

It means resolving things within the relationship instead of getting false support by going outside it.

It means taking responsibility for when you mess up.

It means holding her accountable when she does.

It means abandoning the “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission” approach.

Your wife is not your boss or your mother. She is your partner.

When you have clear and fully agreed to guidelines for what is and is not okay in your relationship, “permission” is already granted.

To be clear, radical honesty does not mean you have to share every thought or feeling you might have. But, if they cease to be random, then it’s important to share them.

Not to get her approval. Not to override her concerns. But as a way to be honest and honorable.

A strong marriage is built on a foundation of trust. And honesty is essential for trust to flourish.

Lying, in any form, can rock that trust. And once trust is lost, it can be very difficult to regain.

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Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project republished with permission and is republished on Medium.

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