When we sat around the table, I was admittedly a bit tipsy.
I don’t drink very much, so as I cleaned off the hard seltzer with the notably low alcohol content, my friend leaned in to ask a question burning on his lips the whole night.
“You’re not dating anyone, are you?”
I felt the rest of the room get a little quiet. I looked down at my drink, wondering if I should take a sip nervously or just make eye contact. Whatever looked more confident.
When I told him I was happily single, the rest of the room took a collective deep breath. But it was the next question that really stuck with me. It was almost as though he couldn’t help himself.
“We just want you to be happy.”
Who the f*ck said I wasn’t happy?
I’m not sure when relationships became synonymous with happiness because that’s certainly not an adjective I’d use to describe many of mine.
Relationships have often been stressful for me. And yeah, I’m aware I probably haven’t been in an amazing one yet, but on the whole, they’ve been lacking in a bunch of departments.
I’ve had men get extremely jealous of my behavior. Some start disappearing before we can even get to the 3-month anniversary. Others are so obsessed and infatuated with my every move I feel like a prisoner in my own life.
Humans are notoriously unreliable creatures.
But in all of my years of dating, I’ve found being single a source of incredible happiness.
As a single person, I have the opportunity to do what I want. Live where I want. Spend my time where I want. And, the best part, it’s all entirely up to me.
Singlehood is freedom. It’s being able to wake up and not wonder why my boyfriend has been acting so distant lately. It’s knowing that at the end of the day, I can go out without having to think twice about what he’ll say or…shit, I wonder if he’s mad at me again.
The point is not that being single or in a relationship is better. It’s actually the opposite.
Happiness is not guaranteed single or alone.
There is nothing sad about being single. And it’s weird that we consider it some sort of a death sentence.
Singledom is a time to really get in touch with yourself. It’s an opportunity to build a life and practices and goals that will help you become a more attractive and authentic person.It’s preparation not for a partner, but a future that is meaningful and fulfilling. Whether that’s alone or not.
These days I know a relationship doesn’t matter to me that much.
What matters is being authentic to myself and want I want. Finding a partner that is a good fit. Supporting my family. Being a good friend to those that care about me.
And, most of all, loving myself the way nobody else can.
That’s happiness.
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Previously Published on Medium
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