Let’s start by assigning blame. (Since why not? We are discussing love! :P) Movies have completely corrupted the way we perceive love; rather than demonstrating the reality that it is a skill that can be learned, they have persuaded us to think that our relationships are the result of our emotions.
The more you master the art of love, the more satisfying your love life will be. So let’s learn how to approach LOVE smartly!
1. Understanding the Purpose
When we don’t understand the right motivations behind love relationships, our behavior and the people we choose to interact with are less effective.
You shouldn’t let your romantic life fill up the gaps in your life. You must want to experience love since it is such a beautiful feeling. Love relationships shouldn’t be considered a necessary condition for happiness.
We don’t all need to be in a romantic relationship, but we all need love. We must desire a romantic relationship because, while not the only way to feel love, it is a wonderful way to do it.
Your dependence on the other person, both emotionally and otherwise, is reduced when you do not operate on a need-based mindset. You feel less insecure when you understand that you are by yourself and that your partnership is merely an addition to your life. That is crucial because our insecurities destroy our interpersonal relationships.
So, be aware of the goal of a romantic relationship: to provide you with a lovely experience. Someone with whom you can share a portion of your life. You must be content, safe, and whole whether or not you are in a relationship.
2. Date before Committing
It takes time to know a person enough to decide whether they deserve to be your life partner.
You need time to assess whether the idea of the other person that you feel attracted to matches the reality of who they are. And only time can tell you so.
I’ve witnessed instances of people dating their friends and questioning whether it’s the same person they’ve known for years. Boundaries are established and expectations are lower when people are friends. When you have a romantic relationship with someone, that equation is altered. So, before making a commitment to someone, date them for a bit even if they appear wonderful (My rule is to date for 6 months at least).
Dating reveals a completely new dimension to a person. Even if they seem flawless, why take chances by rushing into the relationship?
3. Fight well
Conflict and differences are inevitable in any relationship. You need to check whether both you and the person you are planning to spend your entire life with, understand the basic purpose of conflict: mutual understanding.
Does every argument finish with you two discovering something new about one another and then trying to come to an understanding, or does it end in hate, criticism, scorn, disregard, or silent treatment?
If the former is not the case, then you should a) learn how to fight effectively, b) communicate with your partner if they are not using a healthy template to handle conflicts(seeking joint therapy may also be a good option), and then decide if you two should spend the rest of your lives together or not.
4. Attitude to Nurture
Love means you are willing to nurture another life without forming opinions. — SADHGURU
Feelings fade away and the early honeymoon phase ends. You will face parts about the other person that you do not like and they will feel the same for you.
Those are the defining moments for any relationship. Cultivating an attitude of nurture is being smart about love.
You will need to develop the ability to accept others’ differences without mocking or criticizing them. When you love someone intelligently, you value their perspective and help them feel confident and at ease with who they are by appreciating both their positive and negative characteristics.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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