Beyond the “Why Me?” Question

How we are raised shapes who we are well into adulthood. Childhood experiences can shape who we pick as romantic partners. If someone grew up in an unstable home or experienced difficult things as a kid, they may not fall for the best guy.

Our biggest influences as children were our parents. If they treated us a certain way, we may become numb to it. That means once we’re in romantic relationships, we can settle for less than we deserve. Some men are notoriously bad partners. A woman who has experienced difficulties in her childhood may stay with a man like this, even if he continues to betray her. This emotional pain can be hard to work through and leaves women in unhealthy and unhappy relationships.

Women who stay loyal to men who betray them usually experienced 6 difficult things as kids

1. Inconsistent love

Growing up in a home where parents were wishy-washy with love can cause serious issues into adulthood. When this type of love is modeled, it can make women think they may never find someone who will consistently love them. It can cause them to form anxious attachments, latching onto the first person who will give them attention. It can make them feel insecure and seek constant reassurance.

If a man continues to betray a woman with these deep-rooted problems, she may choose to stick around. It sounds counterproductive, but growing up in an unstable, often unloving home can cause her to attach herself to anyone willing to show up for her, even if he continues to hurt her over and over.

2. Absent parents

Parents can be absent in their children’s lives for many reasons. Often, they have to work and don’t have the time to stay home and spend quality time with them. Sadly, some parents also show up inconsistently for their family out of pure selfishness. This betrayal can cut deep and affect how these children experience relationships in adulthood. When they find a man who betrays them, it might feel familiar.

Betrayal hurts, but some women stay loyal to men who hurt them. If they grew up with parents who were in and out of their lives, betrayal from someone they love might be something they are used to.

3. Emotional neglect

Emotional neglect is one of the most common forms of childhood maltreatment. If someone grew up in a home where their emotions aren’t acknowledged, they might hold them in for the rest of their lives. When feelings are viewed as unwelcome, it can be hard to develop healthy coping mechanisms to work through them. It takes work to become comfortable sharing your concerns after being raised in an environment like that. They may stifle their emotions to please their partners in adulthood.

It can be hard for someone who grew up in this difficult setting to verbalize their feelings. If a man betrays them, they might put up with it because they are uncomfortable voicing their concerns. If they were punished for doing so as children, it’s not surprising she may stay silent.

4. Unhealthy relationship dynamics

When we have an unhealthy relationship dynamic with our parents as children, it can be hard to settle into loving romantic ones. Whether their parents were neglectful or too overbearing, it can cause childhood trauma. A woman who endured this may not realize how much it impacts her adult life. When she gets serious with a man, she may put up with his bad behavior because she is used to having complicated dynamics at home.

If a man betrays a woman who has endured childhood pain from unhealthy relationship dynamics, she might be more forgiving. If she had to constantly forgive her parents for their behavior, staying loyal through the good and the bad comes naturally. She’ll continue to be loyal, even when he doesn’t deserve it.

5. Frequent criticism

Whether they did so intentionally or not, parents can cause serious issues through constantly criticizing their children. To them, they might think they are trying to shape their kids into a potential successful adult. Unfortunately, this can make them feel like nothing they do is ever good enough. When they enter romantic relationships, they may expect their partner to treat them the same way. If their partner betrays them, they may blame themselves because of their highly critical parents.

A woman who feels like she’s never good enough because of her parents’ constant criticism might accept poor treatment from her partner. She will blame herself instead of the person who hurt her. She may forgive betrayal from a man because she’s never felt good enough.

6. Constant blame

Some parents refuse to take accountability for their own actions. Instead, they point the finger at their children and make them feel bad about themselves. It’s not an easy environment to grow up in. Women who experienced a difficult childhood might feel like everything is their fault. If a man betrays them or starts constant arguments with them, they may immediately apologize, even if it isn’t their fault.

If a woman never saw her parents take accountability for their own actions, she may not be fazed by a man who does the same. She might continue to apologize, even when she did nothing wrong, to keep the peace. This behavior can make a man feel like he can betray her without consequence.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.