Thomas Fiffer drops a truth bomb on the Lulu dating app and shares the fallout.
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Editor’s Note: Recently, I signed up for the online dating app Lulu. Not because I’m looking for online action (my Lulu status is “Single, and happy,”) but to see just how it worked. I had met Lulu’s VP of Marketing, Deborah Singer, at an International Women’s Day Event in New York City sponsored by Flamingo New York and heard her speak about Lulu as a place where women can rate men they know or have dated. I saw signing up not as an opportunity to be rated—I don’t invest too much in what other people think of me, particularly if it’s reduced to a numerical ranking—but as a valuable source of information on how women view men. Lulu enables women and men to post “truth bombs”—statements or questions to which other users can respond. As a man you can only comment on your own truth bombs, but women can comment on them at will, and you can also be a voyeur on everyone else’s. Below are excerpts from the conversation on a truth bomb I posted recently: How do women respond to the phrase, “He’s a nice guy”? Can a guy be too nice? I’ll be sharing Lulu truth bombs from time to time that offer useful and fun information for our readers.
OozingOpal
I mean, I’d see that as a positive quality in a guy. But there’s a difference between being nice and being a pushover/yes-man/suck-up. So being nice is a positive thing as long as you’re not just being nice to please everybody, and you should still be able to be firm in your own beliefs and say no to people when you need to.
GoldGem
Def can be too nice, to the point of being needy and clingy and seeing way too far into the relationship.
Me
I’ve heard niceness associated with neediness and clinging before. Do buys who are too nice also seem entitled, becasue they think you owe them since they did nice things for you—things maybe you didn’t even ask for?
PurringPlate
Guy, you seem to get it haha. I think “nice guys” feel entitled to women because they are nice. An actual nice guy understands that nice is important, but that doesn’t mean everyone from the opposite sex is going to want to be with you …. Same as a girl … just because a girl is nice, doesn’t mean that’s going to mean all men like her. When it comes to attractive qualities, nice is one of them, but that’s not the whole equation for attraction.
PeridotPorpoise
I want a nice guy but I also want a guy who knows his way around the bedroom. Guys who are too nice don’t take control.
ScorchingSloth
The nice guys I dated didn’t feel entitled. They were thoughtful, respectful, and knew their own minds. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out, on their part or mine.
PurringPlate
Nice guys don’t feel entitled. “Nice guys” do …. “Nice guys” = the guys who claim to be nice, but get pissed if a girl isn’t into them just because they’re nice fyi haha …. A nice guy isn’t always passive about sex. In my experience, once a nice guy knows I’m ready, he goes for it and had no problem pleasing me.
ScorchingSloth
You’re right PurringPlate, there are nice guys and then “nice guys.”
MustardMimosa
“Too nice” is definitely a thing. After a while it gets a little boring and they do tend to be clingy. In my opinion it kinda emasculates them. I don’t want a–holes, but I don’t want a guy who doesn’t have a backbone.
PurringPlate
For sure. Nice doesn’t have to mean no backbone.
Photo courtesy of author
The world needs more nice people, and men shouldn’t let women bully them into being mean. Fleshlights should be considered instead. This imperialist first world woman thing is why Canada and America are hated too much.
Go MGTOW. You will save yourself a lot of stress and drama in the long run.
Thomas I once asked a professor in creative writing to give me some advice to become a better writer of personal letters. It a hobby of mine to have pen pals. He gave me severals good tips and one of them was to expand my vocabolary. Most people that do not write well use a limited about of words, You must know everything about this! I have a feeling this word ,this concept “nice” is not longer useful at all. And If a man get dumped or rejected with the explanation that he is ” too nice” then maybe he… Read more »
Yes! “My lack of boundaries , my inability speak up, my inability to express my own needs…. He was smart and knew I was not the best partner for him . It is sometimes called “women that love too much” – When I hear that word ‘nice’, I don’t see it as being a good description. I know a few ‘nice’ people who I can’t stand. They are inauthentic, have no strong convictions and often won’t stand up for themselves. Don’t be nice. Be kind and polite, but have a life. Love what you do. Hang out with your buddies.… Read more »
When a woman says “you’re too nice a guy”, I don’t get upset anymore. It used to bother me a lot, but I have come to realize that being “nice” is subjective. What is considered nice to someone can come across and invasive, needy or controling. Then, I have also realized that some of these women have issues, especially when I see some of the Men they end up with. It is like they have gone to the other side of the spectrum, where “Nasty” is attractive. It is not always about a guy being too nice, it is also… Read more »
Yeah when one person passes an opinion on a person its about both of them.
He might be boring, he might be entitled, he might just be a bad match for her.