Depressive Episodes Happen When Expression Is Hindered

Depressive episodes don’t just happen; they are often the result of an accumulation of stifled expressions. Depression can be described (in part) as an expression, struggling and crying to be heard; and has been called the world’s number one public health problem. The alarming rate of suicide, suicidal attempts, and suicidal tendencies is disturbing. Younger and younger people are feeling the deep emotional pain that depression can cause, and the less we understand about it, the harder it can be to empathize with those who are struggling. There have been more than a few times in life where I have pondered to myself what it takes to reach a point in life when death seems more inviting than life itself — as my experience and my practice grows, more and more, I ponder ways that I can help.

In my counseling sessions helping people overcome depression, I have been able to glean timeless and priceless truth that will help us with a deeper understanding of some ‘causes and effects’ that can bring on a depressive episode. There are several things that we do, most times unknowingly, to hinder our own expression and this singular act has led many into bouts of depression. So I am going to share with you some of these things I believe will help to reverse the beginnings of a depressive episode.

EMBRACE YOUR GIFTS, TALENTS, AND POTENTIALS:

Leo Buscaglia said, “Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.” Many times, recurring depression is as a result of latent gifts and potentials that are seriously crying for expression. This is true in people whether or not they are religious. In my counseling sessions with youths, I normally tell them not to allow their education to hinder the expression of their gifts and talents. In fact, the authentic purpose of education is to give us the tools and a platform to express our gifts, potentials and talents.

BE YOURSELF:

Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” The greatest form of expression is in ‘being yourself.’ Now, of course, this is not to say that it is easily done. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is one of the greatest accomplishments a person can hope for. In many ways, the hardest battle you will ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself.

We live in a society of mixed and conflicting signals. Be like this, look like that, have these things, always want more. All of this noise serves to unanchor us from who we are within, and makes us doubt ourselves and our true desires. Perhaps worst of all, it makes us believe that we have to justify our own existence if we don’t fit into the strictly confined roles laid out for us. But the truth is, each of us is as different as we are alike; in the end, wanting to be just like someone else is a waste of who you are!

We must spend more of our time with those people and in those very places that allow us the privilege of being ourselves. Not masking or repressing emotions or expressions allows us to grow in confidence and strength, so that finding ourselves in all the noise is easier and easier every time. We can’t go through life constantly trimming away the parts of ourselves that make us unique: He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle away.

BE WARY OF OVERPARENTING:

This is sort of related to the last point, but this one is more directed towards parents of young people struggling with depression. Designing the entire future of your child goes beyond normal parental ‘jurisdiction.’ Parents should avoid the temptation of forcing their children to fit into their own design — rather, they should provide their youths with a platform, and the support they need to stand out with their uniqueness. It is the greatest gift that parents can ever give to their children.

More than any other thing I have noticed, it’s this. In my time of mentoring the youths, I have discovered that when true expression is hindered, the result is absolute depression, usually hand in hand with rebellion. Parents often are so overwhelmed with the task of raising their young people to be successful that they forget that, at some point, their young people are going to want to use all that knowledge they have been taught for their own life plan. Authentically, this is the true purpose of parenting: to raise a child into a confident and wise adult who can take care of themselves. As such, parents should respect their ward’s opinion when it comes to academic choice, career choice, marital choice, etc. We should guide them toward making informed decisions and not manipulate them!

GIVING AND RECEIVING:

I have observed that one aspect of expression that many of us have neglected with great impunity: that is, the power of ‘giving’ and ‘receiving.’ We must strike a healthy balance between how we give and receive. There is no one that lives by breathing out or breathing in only. We must breathe out and breathe in, consecutively and continuously, in order to stay alive.

This is also true about giving and receiving. Always giving out and not taking time to receive can lead to depression. Likewise, if you are always receiving and don’t look for avenues to give out, you will end up being miserable. I have always felt that the reason why depression is so prevalent among the rich is simply because some of them are too greedy to give out, while some feel too superior to receive from others! We mustn’t fall into the same trap: look out for avenues to both give and receive.

ADDICTION:

Addiction and mental health are inextricably linked. While for some people the path to addiction is a fairly straight line, more often than not, it is the result of accidental over-reliance on an outside stimulus to restore inner balance over a period of time when there are few, if any, other options for relief. Unfortunately — and tragically — addiction and depression work together to keep the afflicted in a state where escape is extremely difficult.

While some addictions are chemical, most have a psychological component to them, as well. One of the reasons why people relapse back into these addictions is simply that they are unable to find positive expression for their energy. In my practice, whenever I work with people that are trying to overcome addiction, there is a peculiar energy about them which I like to call ‘Addictive Energy:’ this is an unsettled energy, and it won’t subside until we find a positive expression for it. Inability to do this can resort into restlessness and depression; the victim will soon feel they have no other alternative than to yield to the overwhelming weight of the addiction.

I have helped people going through pornography addiction to redirect their ‘addictive energy’ to a more productive use and this has made a whole lot of difference. Don’t stop an addiction if you have not designed a more productive way of using the energy because the addiction will come back stronger, more stubborn and destructive than before!

DEVELOP LONG AND SHORT-TERM GOALS:

Albert Einstein said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” People that don’t have set goals for the future have set up the landscape where depressive episodes can thrive, hiding behind the unknowns. The reason? Well, when you don’t know where you’re going, how do you know you’re not already there? These are the kinds of thoughts a depressive episode trigger in someone who has found themselves, however unexpectedly, at a dead end, be it in their career or personal life. If you have no goal, you may stay there, and stay there, and stay there, until you forget why you started down your journey at all.

This same dynamic can occur as well if you focus only on the long-term and not also on the short-term. When goals are too long-term, they can also lead to depression as the bible says that “hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Short-term goals can be as simple and silly as making yourself a small breakfast every day: the point is, it keeps you anchored in the present moment. There must be a healthy blend of short and long term goals for a happy and productive life.

BE MINDFUL OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT:

One of the greatest hindrances to expression is environment. Whether at home, in the office, in school, in relationships or even in marriage, creating a conducive atmosphere for expression is sacrosanct to a healthy inner relationship. Whether you are a boss, a parent, a partner, a spouse, a supervisor, a counselor, a spiritual leader or a teacher: your first priority must be that of creating a conducive atmosphere for yourself, which you can then extend to others to be themselves.

EXPRESS GRATITUDE:

It is not happy people who are thankful; it is thankful people who are happy. Naomi Williams said, “It is impossible to feel grateful and depressed in the same moment.” We must look for platforms to appreciate people that have contributed immensely to our lives. William Arthur Ward said, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with the heart of gratitude.

HEALING TRAUMA FROM PAST ABUSE:

Abuse can be defined as the interception of expression. Abuse is simply the continual, manipulative and forceful hindrance of expression. Abuse can be subtle or forceful, depending on the gullibility of the victim or the ‘expertise’ of the abuser.

This story has been republished to Medium.

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Photo credit: iStock