Discipline Your Children

I close my car door. I let the seat in my car consume me for a moment as I take a deep breath. My day is finally over, and sadly just as my day started in the morning, I am surrounded by darkness. Before I can even start my car to head home, I receive a phone call from my wife stating that my son has been “acting out” today and he needs to know that it’s not ok.

Great. I haven’t seen my family in over 13 hours and now I have to go home and be what I continue to dread. The bad guy. Usually, I look forward to coming home, entering the door, wrapping my arms around everyone, changing my clothes, and entering back into the fold of family life as I shed the day away.

Now, I am going home and it’s going to feel like a continuation of my workday because of another added stressor.

Some of you have received this unwanted phone call or text message from your significant other before just coming home, or have had this unwanted message marinating on your brain for the better part of the workday. Sometimes it can wear down on you as you deal with solving problems on the job, and knowing that your work isn’t done once you cross the crest of your front door.

You have to continue your analysis and crisis management skills just a little while longer in your place of peace that we call home.

This may appear to be quite dramatic and over the top for simply needing to go home and teaching your children the ways of life, but it can be a bit bothersome to have to confront your loved ones when they know you have come to lay down the hammer.

Let’s walk through how to be the bad guy, but not a villain.

Discipline Builds Character

I hate to break the bad news but kids are going to be kids. They’re going to screw up. You have to be there to ensure their disrespect or disturbances don’t turn into larger problems down the road that causes dysfunction. That starts with discipline.

One of my favorite definitions of discipline as described in the Webster’s Dictionary is training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character. We are dealing with the absolute inner workings of how our offspring will go out in society and treat other people in this world.

Building a respectful human being is worth your time and effort even if you don’t want to be the guy that has to come off as mean after no one has seen you all day. It doesn’t feel good to punish your children to teach them lifelong lessons, but ask yourself this question.

Would you rather have society or our judicial system make an example out of them due to their lack of values that you failed to teach them?

Listen Before You Speak

This sounds obvious, but often we parents can come in guns blazing at our children, especially after a tough workday. Inevitably, if you hear of your children’s discontent and it has made your significant other upset you already are annoyed or distraught. At times within these situations, we can often decide what we’re going to do before we hear the explanation from our child.

Try actively listening. Hear what occurred today from their side. Don’t focus on responding, but try to deeply understand why the child was acting out of the ordinary today.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” -Dr. Stephen Covey

What your child says may just surprise you, and change your plan of action you already had made up in your mind before you fully listened to their story. There could be underlying issues leading to a larger situation. Just because you have to be the bad guy doesn’t mean you have to be a tyrant.

Even The Bad Guy Has A Heart

Have you ever watched a movie and wanted both the hero and the villain to somehow both win? The bad guy in the movie was so relatable that you understood and justified his actions because there was enough in the storyline to explain his purpose and intentions.

Try to be that type of bad guy. Correct the child with love. Let the child know why you are providing consequences to their actions. Everyone deserves to know the why, even your child. Explaining why you are providing correction will assist them in seeing your point of view, how you are correcting their character in the long run, and enforce the occurrence from never happening again. If you didn’t love them you would not discipline them. Your heart is in the right place and the kid will notice.

***

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day no one wants to come home and become an active enforcer, but what choice do we have? In an ever-changing world where acts of kindness, being a gentleman, and being respectful is becoming rare we need to have the courage to provide the structure necessary for our future. Let’s not weep for the future. Let’s highly anticipate the great acts of philanthropy our children will be a part of, and the dignity they will uphold within their own families.

—

This post was previously published on Medium.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything