Are you going to wait for someone to tell you how to make what you want of your life? Or are you going to just do it?
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I don’t often make New Year’s resolutions anymore. I usually end up breaking them, or changing them, or just putting them up on a shelf and forgetting about them. But this year is a little different.
2014 was a very taxing year for me on a personal and professional level and my heart just wasn’t into it any longer. By the time my Holiday break rolled around I was burnt out. Physically I wanted to sleep for days. Mentally, I wanted to unplug and simply shut-down the professional side of my brain. No work. No initiative. No buzz words. No goal setting. No team building B.S.
It seems my conscious mind was waking up after its brief hibernation and it was ornery.
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I was done and stayed that way for the first few days that I was off. My biggest ambition was to see if I could work a new groove into my couch cushions. Mission accomplished, by the way.
But after a few days into my break, I started to get a slight tickling sensation in the back of my brain. While capable of ignoring it initially, it eventually turned into a gnawing feeling and then a dull roar. It seems my conscious mind was waking up after its brief hibernation and it was ornery. So, much to my chagrin I started to listen to that little voice inside my head. To my surprise it actually made sense.
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You see, I thought I was done with 2014. I didn’t want to revisit events from that year because it was easier to just accept the inevitable and be done with it rather than take a critical look at what went wrong and figure out a way to fix it moving forward. I knew that I didn’t want to fall back into the same patterns and behaviors in 2015 that had lead to such luke-warm results in 2014 but I wasn’t sure what I needed to do to ensure that it didn’t happen again.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. –George Santayana
So I started to dig. I looked back over my social media posts. I skimmed my emails for any significant events, tasks or projects. I spoke with my wife and asked for her insight. For the record — and in case she ever reads this—she was right. She’s always right. I did a little digital soul searching and came up with a explanation as to why I felt so disconnected with this past year and it boiled down to one simple word:
INDECISION
Projects that had fallen flat, tasks that seemed to stretch on forever, endless email strings with phrases like “what do you think” and “I would like your opinion on this.”
I had been misinterpreting serviceable for successful for far too long.
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They all reeked of indecision. I sat idly by while people around me flip flopped on decisions, deferred answers, postponed meetings and just dragged things on until the need to make a decision faded into obscurity. Worse still? I participated as much as I sat on the sidelines. I was just as guilty about enabling this behavior as I was at chastising it. I learned that much of my unrest and unhappiness stemmed from the feeling that I hadn’t really accomplished anything this past year. Could it be true? Had my lack of decisive action prevented me from accomplishing anything significant? I had always considered myself to be a decisive person. It’s partially what helped me succeed in my role. But that’s when it hit me.
I had been misinterpreting serviceable for successful for far too long. I was doing my job but I wasn’t doing what I believed I was capable of because I had fallen victim to complacency. I had watched too many opportunities float by because I was waiting for a push. I spent too much time looking for validation, direction, and guidance; both from external sources and from my own internal voice. I was essentially waiting for someone to tell me how to draw the owl.
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I needed to stop spending so much time coloring inside the lines and hoping that I was cutting the edges as cleanly and neatly as possible. I needed to be willing to take more decisive action without being reckless and sloppy. It was time to make a change. From that moment on I chose to make definitive decisions and give definitive answers whenever the moment presented itself; no matter how trivial the question or request might be!
Did I want to upsize my combo for an extra $1.00?
You’re damn right I did.
Could the kids stay up past their normal bedtime tonight?
Yes. Period.
You’d be willing to take on that project right?
No. It’s not within my skill set. I’d be glad to support it, but you’ll need to find someone with a skill set that’s better aligned with the project goals to run it successfully.
(Let me tell you, that last one raised an eyebrow or two!)
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I’ll start by admitting my failure and sharing it publicly with all of you — I failed at 2014.
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I realized that I had spent too much of my year waiting for someone else to show me what to do next. I became so concerned with doing things the right way that I stopped realizing that creativity, passion and ingenuity don’t care if you follow all of the directions on the back of the box as long as there was an end result (terrible or not). So how will this year be different from days gone by?
I’ll start by admitting my failure and sharing it publicly with all of you — I failed at 2014.
There I said it. It’s off my chest. What’s next?
I’m taking a more definitive stance on my opinions and answers.
This may not help me ‘win friends and influence people’ but, as John Lennon once said, “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.”
And last but not least?
I’m going to draw the rest of the F#$%^@g Owl!
I’m not going to sit around waiting for explanations or instructions unless I truly need them. This year I’m going to find my voice again. When I’m done drawing that Owl, I’m going to hang it at my desk for everyone to see, and while some people will see the mistakes, the re-trys, the do-overs, the coffee stains and the frayed edges. Others will simply see the kick-ass Owl I drew. And they will ask how they too can draw such an amazing Owl.
And I will show them how to draw their inner Owl — and make it fly.
Originally published on LinkedIn
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Photo: KnowYourMeme.com