When a Mom is concerned, Allana Pratt Intimacy Expert listens. Compared to the new baby boy, Dad seems not as connected to the step daughter.
Question: My husband and I just had a baby boy! Our first child together (I have a daughter from a previous marriage). My concern is that I have noticed he seems to bound more and cling more to our son instead of our daughter. I know she isn’t his biological child but he is the only father she knows. I just don’t want her to feel as if she isn’t good enough because she is not his blood.
Answer: Marriages are journeys in communication navigating discomfort and experiencing the potential of expansive growth. Kids are huge catalysts for growth.
I trust your intuition is correct with how your husband is with your son vs your daughter. Yet nothing’s wrong here… just an opportunity for greater communication, deeper understanding and some new practices to strengthen your family once there is awareness and a common goal.
I recommend you connect with your husband and communicate in a non threatening way with a ‘sandwich’.
Bread: I love you, our family, our daughter and our son. You’re such a great Dad.
Meat/cheese: I could be wrong, yet I’m concerned that you may feel more connected to our son than our daughter given she’s not your blood. I know you love both of them, yet I get scared sometimes that she won’t feel good enough… which will lead to greater problems down the line.
Bread: What I was hoping is if we could be on the same team about this, perhaps create a ritual to make her feel 100% she’s your daughter, perhaps create Daddy and Son playdates, Daddy and Daughter playdates… and I’m here to support you in any way I can so that you feel honored and celebrated as the only Dad she’s ever known. Would that work for you? Do you have any other ideas I’m missing?
I know that’s “Allana speak” yet you get the picture. Honor him. Be vulnerable. Ask for what you desire. Thank him and acknowledge him.
This is way easier said than done, yet it’s the foundation of healthy communication now and into the future.
For help as the woman in having these kind of conversations where you’re the invitation for solutions and allow men to step up and be your hero… my book How to Be And Stay Sexy… Being Exactly Who You Are has a lot to do with the art of feminine classy sacred invitation.
For help as the man having these kinds of conversations where you make her feel safe to open up, trust and be her radiant self while honoring you as her noble badass, my complementary report can be found at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
If for any reason, which is super common by the way ;-), you require support in having these important foundational conversations in your marriage, I invite you to join me for a strategy session to see if you’re a fit for me to invite you to work with me for a series of 6 sessions. Many marriage thrive super quick well before we’re done the 6 sessions… yet I’m committed not just to relief, but to lasting change. So I’ve found that a few sessions privately and a few sessions together over the 6 Sessions works best for creating or reestablishing a hot healthy intimate partnership. You can apply for a complementary session at www.AllanaPratt.com/connect. There are limited spots each month, so I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Great love, and congratulations on your beautiful family. I look forward to helping you have it thrive NOW and honor you for reaching out now when it counts, for it sets you and the kids up for the most successful future, Allana xox
Photo: www.Flickr.com Tatjana Kaufmann